How am I doing?

I only have a few minutes before work. Second shift since my world fell apart. First one was super hard and today will be too. I work 7 hours then come home and have just enough time to eat before heading off to our first couple's therapy.

I have been in therapy before so it is not an unknown but I am terrified...irrational thoughts...she will say our marriage can't be saved.   Therapists DON'T do that...I KNOW that....I am still scared.

I awoke at dawn after barely enough sleep, just like yesterday. Darkness brings a relief and daylight the opposite...I wrote this poem still in bed... Why pain brings out creativity, I don't know...Rick Springfield always writes his best stuff from pain...we have that in common. Wish me luck dealing with today.

You hold me in the dark 

And I feel safe and secure

I know everything is going to be alright

My doubts are gone

The love is real

And then daylight comes 

And it's ugly

And bright

Has anything ever been right ?

What did she have 

What did I do

How could you be so untrue

The pain floods back

My brain screams at me

Begging me to protect my heart 

My heart reminds me

It was right

You were gone

It knows that all was wrong

It reminds me that as sure as it was then

It also knows we can be whole again

We are real

This is on you

You will find out why you were untrue 

The other side will be more beautiful than before 

And the daylight won't hurt me anymore

I feel more naked fully dressed in the light than I do

When I lay next to you completely bared at night

Let my heart be right 

Let my brain trust it to know truth

And let us love again 

For the rest of our life