Santa Race recap

So I don't blog much about my running and it IS in the blog name so I feel I should throw one in every now and then. So how about my recent race....and first race in about a year and a half.

Since moving to California, I haven't been running as much. Usually 3 days a week and mostly just 3 miles. Since the heat ended I have tried to start throwing some long runs in...5 or 6 miles, even a 7 and 8 miler (accidentally!). But I have been inconsistent with adding the long runs. A couple weeks ago I realized this 5k was right around the corner and decided to throw in some speed workouts....which I haven't done in forever! They were really half assed. The first one I did five 1/2 mile intervals at around 5k pace, maybe a tad faster, with a little less than a 1/2 mile jog between. The second one I only did 4, mostly due to time constraints. And that was it!

Nearly all of my runs are done at 10:30 pace. Every now and then when the weather is especially nice I may get a 9:30 pace, and oddly enough that happened mostly on those longer runs. Though it may not be that odd, since I fully believe it takes me a good 3 miles to warm up!

So I wasn't expecting much from this race. All of my other 5k's were right around 25 mins and 15-30 secs. They were also back East...not on completely flat courses. So I was hoping I could finally break the 25 minute mark, because it is FLAT here! I did run in full Santa gear, but I don't think that slowed me too much, although I used lots of energy pulling the hat back on...and did have to tie the coat around my waist because it got a bit too hot.

Recap:

I ran about 1.6 miles for a warm up, at about a 10:30 pace. I was wearing my racing flats, which I have never run farther than a 5k in, usually I do the warm up in my regular shoes. This did end up causing some foot issues and the next day some calf pain, but nothing major.

I also want to note I had worked the night before til 2 in the morning and only got 4 hours of sleep. I also only had a banana for breakfast, usually I eat oatmeal, but I wanted the extra sleeping time!

I ran with a friend, first time doing this other than my marathon. The start was very crowded and we probably started back to far, I didn't realize how many walkers there would be. We did manage to run 8:40 for the first mile (thankfully he remembered to start his watch because DUH I forgot!). I would have guessed it was much slower. We made a conscious effort to not go out to fast. We were chatting (with ease) the whole first mile...so probably could have run a bit faster. I don't remember what he said our second mile was, but it was somewhere around 8 min pace. Still felt really good, ran through water stop wihtout too much slowing. We (he) picked up the pace. I still felt good but definitely breathing hard now (well it IS a race, I should be exerting some effort, right?). The increased pace was definitely tiring me. He noted that we had about 1/2 mile left and picked up the pace again...I thought geez 1/2 mile is still so far, at the same time thinking "Oh shut up, it's only about 4 minutes". My right foot was feeling a little sore on the ball of the big toe, I think this was from wearing the flats during warm up, there really isn't much to this shoe...practically barefoot!

We were passing people and I really wanted to stick with him, but I told him to just go ahead, he tried to push me by saying "We're almost there" but my mind was fighting. I normally have a kick at the end, and with such a slow first mile you would think I would still have some left but....He finished a few seconds ahead of me but because of him I passed (unknown to me at the time) the woman who was currently in 3rd for my age group! So I got a age group award because of Jim!

I didn't end nearly as beat as I usually do, so I know I could of pushed harder. I blame it on my brain...it was just too tired from the long work week. My time was a surprising 25:46. I say surprising because that's only about 10 secs a mile slower than usual and since it didn't "feel" as hard, I really thought it would be slower....maybe the flat course helped!

This is the first race in a series of 3, where you get a medal for completing them all....and you know I love me some bling...so I think I will have to actually train harder (and by that I mean train period!) and run the other two....Had I run the time I usually run I woudl have had a SECOND place finish in my (new) age group! I actually checked and I would have had third place in the other age group too


One final note: an 80 year old woman beat us....I don't remember her exact time but her pace was around 7:40 or 50 ish! So that gives me hope that I can, in fact, improve my time!! And I still have a few years to do it! ;)

Also I got the racing bug again....I am realllly thinking about the half coming up....of course I am completely untrained for that as well and it's in early February! I am still having issues with spending money on racing, now that I am "poor".

Optimism....where did it come from?

I have always been a glass half empty kind of person. I could take any situation and find something wrong with it. Something to complain about. It wasn't on purpose, I thought it was just who I was. I thought it was genetic or just a personality thing. I didn't believe I could change.

The change started slowly, I would catch myself looking for the bad but then hear this voice pointing out the good. It was strange, so new to me. I didn't pay any attention to it. But now I notice it all of the time. There's still remnants of the old outlook there...I mean I can find the bad in finding the good. Example: I probably stayed at Walmart a full week longer than I should have, I kept telling myself it wasn't so bad and thinking to the future of when it would be better.....but damn here's that positive spin coming again...staying there longer taught me some valuable lessons, so it was a good thing.

It is so strange this internal argument. There really isn't even an argument anymore. My mind just stops the negative thoughts immediately and replaces them with the good, almost imperceptibly. Actually it is imperceptible, except for while I sit here and actually think about the many situations that my thinking has changed.

I have found the positive in working the closing shift, while almost ignoring the negative. The week after Christmas I am only scheduled 15 hours but immediately I thought of how perfect that is because I will get more time to spend with Andrew. I barely spent a second thinking of lost income.

Dave has to work Christmas. Our first Christmas in California and I will spend most of the morning and afternoon alone. But hey he gets paid extra and I can sleep in and I can cook for him. It is almost too easy to find the silver lining anymore.

I was smiling....OUT LOUD (you know what I mean!) on the way home from work last night...at 2:15 in the morning! SMILING!! And I couldn't even see the palm trees.....I didn't even know why I was smiling...just that I am really happy with where I am right now..not just physically, but everything.

Could the burden of being a pharmacist really have taken so much from me? 22 years of peaceful, silver lining thoughts? Yes, I made boatloads of money and without that past I wouldn't be where I am now (see...there I go again downplaying the negative!) but was the money worth it? Maybe not the money but without that path I would never have met Dave and THAT alone was worth it.

I feel sorry for people trapped by trying to live by society's expectations. Letting some unknown abstract entity define what is the right way to live. Being concerned with WHAT you do for a living instead of HOW you do your living.

It is really evident by watching the shoppers. So much money and time and stress trying to do what is expected at Christmas. Buy, buy buy! It is so much easier to enjoy the holiday without all that crap. I am tempted to get caught up in it but refrain. I don't have to buy any presents this year...well with the exception of my 2 bff's (the presents aren't as much about Christmas as just trying to show some sort of appreciation for how much they have done for us this past year....which has absolutely no price tag but words alone just can't express it, so we will try with token, silly, and hopefully well thought out presents).
 There was no hustle and bustle, no dealing with long lines. There will be minimal wrapping. And yet this will be the most joyous Christmas yet. Over the past 18 years I haven't spent many Christmas's with Andrew, I always wanted him to have the Christmas morning Santa experience with his brother and sister at his Dad's house, so I tried to do the right thing and not take that away from him. I really only remember maybe 3 Christmas mornings with him. I did always get to see him at some point, so this will be our first Christmas truly apart. But (damn here's that silver lining again!) as I had hoped, his going away to college has matured him and I feel closer, through phone calls and texts, then I have been in years (since those teenage years began!). He makes me feel loved and missed and that is a present that can not be bought!

The past few years Dave and I haven't really exchanged expensive presents, we knew we were moving and wanted to limit the crap to move, plus save the money for important stuff (like Africa!). I kind of always bullied him into still buying lots of stuff, so I would have tons of things to open. Just cheap things or necessary things(toiletries, etc.) that weren't really presents but still something for me to open. I didn't think it would feel like Christmas otherwise. This year I have ZERO desire for that. I feel like I have everything. I am so content. And being content is a really nice feeling.

My wish for anyone reading this, really for anyone anywhere, is to feel contentment. I think it goes hand in hand with happiness, maybe the icing on the cake....and isn't the icing the best part??

Merry Christmas and may your 2014 be your best year yet!


PS   I didn't really answer the question of HOW I came to feel this way. And I really don't know. I can give credit to getting out of pharmacy or to moving to California or just getting older and wiser. But since lots of people get older and don't get wiser, I can probably rule that one out. And lots of people live in California and certainly aren't content....can rule that out. So it must be the career change...not so much a change as I don't have a "new" career but you get the idea.

I am sure there is some faults in that logic, just because it isn't B or C, doesn't mean it HAS to be A....but who cares? I am happy, that is the bottom line!

End of the year ramblings

2013 will definitely go down as the year of my life with the most dramatic, drastic changes.
They say change is good...and most of it was. It was certainly a hectic year and an emotional one.

The year started off with leaving one of the best jobs I ever had as a pharmacist. I truly believe had I found Sun Pharmacy earlier it would have been much more difficult to give up my career. Tom is one of the most generous, caring and kindest men I have ever known. And not just from an employee's perspective. He is just a good person. There aren't many people like him, my friend Rodney is pretty close but he likes to pretend he isn't and hides his generosity. Not that Tom flaunts it, he is very humble. I would feel very confident in saying that there is not a person alive that would have a bad thing to say about him. I hope karma repays him many times over for always putting others needs above his own.

I went on to do one of the most unusual pharmacist jobs I have ever done, working with equine injectables. Again, this is a job I could have continued doing. There were many aspects that truly made it a one of a kind job and therefore not something I could pursue out here even if I ever considered taking the pharmacy boards again...which after spending the past week doing pharmacy continuing ed and hating every minute of it, I assure you will never happen.

For the the first time since I started working in college I had a lengthy period of unemployment. Sure I had 10 weeks off after Andrew was born, but every mom out there knows that does not count! While I didn't get bored necessarily...I did miss the structure of having a job. And the feeling of having a purpose..it is hard to explain. I guess if money wasn't an issue I would have started volunteering and that would have solved that issue but volunteering is soooo...well voluntary. You don't HAVE to be there, so it still feels, I don't know, like you aren't needed, even though I know volunteers are very important to many non profits. Again I suppose if I was doing it regularly enough I would have gotten into a routine and wouldn't have felt so adrift. I think that is what I missed...a routine. I just read a book on habits and we all just like to do things that feel familiar and I don't think sitting home with a million options would ever "feel" right to me.  I need to be needed somewhere. I think that's why pursuing my art would be so hard. It is so unstructured. I can't get up and just randomly draw or paint, I need an objective. I think it would be overwhelming to randomly decide what kind of stuff to do...do I do a colored pencil drawing or a pen and ink, what should the subject be? If I did get a website started doing custom pet works then it would be easier....but I just don't see myself getting enough work to cover the costs of marketing, etc.

So, yup I am really rambling....I think my point is I am happy to be working again. I can not express how surprised I am to be enjoying a job in retail...and at Christmas time!! It sounds like it should be a nightmare! But I really love hearing people tell me I am nice! I really started to accept that I was a miserable person at work and  referring back to that habit book...it reinforced itself. I was miserable, customers pointed out I was miserable and so in a miserable little cycle I just kept on being miserable.... Here I smile and am pleasant, people respond to that, it makes me happy and therefore I can continue being happy and now work isn't associated with misery! So simple! I am not unrealistic in believing this will last forever. I am sure after years in any job, it becomes monotonous and boring and I won't be able to keep up the happy persona but I will remain optimistic until that day comes....who knows by then I may just figure out what I want to be when I grow up!

So there were the career changes. There was my grandmother dying. The last of my grandparents. I was really sad that I hadn't seen her for over a year, sad that I wasn't the best granddaughter. I have never had much patience with old people. To be honest it is just something about the way they talk...that gravelly voice, the really slow way they search for words. I know it isn't nice but it's true. I wanted to hear the stories, they were interesting but my mind would just wander, I literally could be put to sleep trying to have a conversation. I don't know if it makes it worse or better to say I feel the same way about little kids. Everything about them just tries my patience....their voices, the stammering, the incoherence....the runny noses...I am just an awful person, hunh? Oh well.....I like people between the ages of ...let's say 13 to 69....that's still a lot of people I DO like.... Oh where was I? Missing my grandma. It's just as well she isn't around, she would probably be very unhappy with the whole drama with my sister and me (sure hope I got that damn grammar right...even though Michael will never make it this far into this rambling mess!). So, yeah, there was that drama, too. She's reaching out but I just can't forget the hurtful shit she said and I feel like until she acknowledges her wrong doings that to sweep it under the rug and act like it didn't happen is just enabling her bad behavior. She really acts like a spoiled brat when things don't go her way. She was mad at me way before she ever claims to have been and when she admits that....well then maybe I can forget the shit that came after.

Next up....Africa! Truly a once in a lifetime experience, every thing I imagined (except the cold!) and so so much more! Words can not do justice to the experience. Hell even a video can't do justice (sorry Michael). It was so amazing. Every single minute...from the fancy schmancy plane rides to the the fancy resorts, to the sharing it with great friends (including my best friend, my husband!) and DUH...the animals!! It was surreal. And zoos will never be the same...Discovery shows will never be the same. We weren't sure the timing was right but I am so, so glad we just took the chance and did it!

Then there was Andrew graduating...18 years in the making and yet it just crept up on us. So many years planning our move for once he graduated, thinking it was so far in the future and then BOOM, it's just there and the realization of what that move means...separation from him. I am adapting and still know in my heart that it was the right thing to do. He is my kid, I know how his mind works, we both love in different ways than most, We aren't sentimental and yet we know how much we each love each other. We can love from afar. We aren't touchy, feely, need to be right next door types...but I still hope and pray that he falls in love with CA and comes out here to stay.

Lastly, the cross country move. So much planning, so much work...from finding the perfect house here to getting the PA house ready to sell, to the stress of selling. The stress of hauling the parrots cross country with 3 nights in hotel rooms! Phew....we needed time off after that. But that just brought more stress...would we ever get jobs? The first couple job fails...and now still unsure if these jobs will pay the bills...but deep down knowing it will work out, it always has. Statistically our relationship wasn't supposed to last. My therapist said it was extremely unlikely....many times she told me this. Most marriages fail, even coming from ideal situations. Not us...we have gotten stronger over the years. Things will work out, because we can adapt to whatever we need to do to make it work. Material things aren't a priority for us....our priority is rather simple...each other's happiness.

The most important thing is that neither of us has regrets. Both of us feel that the reality has surpassed the dream. Winter started early here this year and it hasn't fazed us one bit....all we have to do is look at the winter PA is getting...and be thankful our last winter there wasn't so bad and winter here looks pretty damn good!

One final note...from a woman's perspective this has been an annoyingly challenging year. With everything else going on, I really didn't need the added stress of unwanted mood swings. Acknowledging it helps, blogging about it helps...knowing it could last several more years...that does NOT help! Today is a good day.... I haven't felt this happy in a while. And what I mean is...my actual external mood matches my internal mood. Normally my brain knows I am happy...it sees all the good things in my life and appreciates them but I still feel this sadness...today it all matches. I am tired but elated....because ...well I just wish I could explain it....maybe it's like the rose colored glasses analogy....you can feel one way but the glasses make it look better. Only I guess the hormones are reversed...I feel happy but the hormones try to turn my happy day black and bleak....today...I am seeing what I am feeling....it all matches!! Happy equals happy....I give up....you have to live it to understand it...and I wouldn't wish it on anyone...stupid hormones!!

Now that the year is over....what kind of resolution to make? I feel like I am becoming a better person...the palm trees are influencing me...the sun maybe...the lack of gray cold dreary days....I am looking forward to 2014 and with no expectations...my first full year in California....My first full year without practicing pharmacy....the end of January is the anniversary of the end of retail pharmacy, the end of April the end of all pharmacy (well there have been those minor "jobs" for the equine pharmacy)...That right there could be the real reason for becoming a better person--no pharmacy!....All I know is I like me better now....and I am going to keep heading in that direction!

Holidays in retail

This is not going to go the way you think it's going to go.....

I am enjoying my job as a seasonal worker at Penney's. Yes....enjoying it. I have only come across one really miserable bitch and from my previous million years in retail I have learned that some people live to try to bring others down to their level of miserableness. It has taken me a long time but I have finally learned not to play along. Kill them with kindness. I take great pleasure in knowing she left with her goal unfulfilled and I still had a pleasant day. Fuck her and all those like her.

Granted not every person has been happy but she was the only one who actually wanted to be mean. And she didn't win.

I have received numerous compliments on how happy, helpful and just plain nice I am. It really is amazing what a smile and genuine (or maybe just great acting in my case) warmth can do. I watched my mother with envy and amazement do her job with a smile on her face ALL the time. Most of her working career was at jobs that not a lot of us would find much to smile about. She worked as a nurse's aide in a nursing home, doing the grunt work. She treated all of those old people with respect and kindness, and we all know that is not how most patients in nursing homes are treated. She worked many years as a waitress at Denny's. A pretty blonde with a pleasant personality...you can imagine the shit she put up with from dirty old male customers and just the general Denny's crowd ( I can say that because I am part of that crowd!). She even made custom wood furniture and at one point held her ungloved hands in the stumps of a man's fingers, while getting her coworkers to put his fingers on ice after an accident. All with a smile. It all seemed so phony to me. How could she be so happy dealing with people making annoying demands all day. I always knew I didn't get my personality from her....I was my father's daughter all the way....grumpy, grouchy and unapproachable.

I made a conscious decision that I would reinvent myself once I moved here. I was free from the shackles of a career I detested, obvious to everyone, even my customers. They even suggested I find a new line of work.

I go to work with not a worry in the world. If a towel gets folded wrong, no one will die. If I give someone wrong info about a Keurig...they will live. I could not have guessed that not being a pharmacist would mean I could still work retail, not just do it, but not dread it. I ENJOY talking to the customers. I like when I make them smile because I am being patient with their odd requests. I have had a customer thank me for being patient with two little old ladies who were slooooow to do everything. This caused her to have to wait longer but she thanked me for not rushing them and for continuing to be nice to them. Kindness spreads. So does anger...look at the crazies at the Black Friday sales. They all start to go nuts with mob mentality. But I have witnessed what my mom knew all along...people find it really hard to be mean to a nice person.

Sure as Christmas approaches things may change, people may become more impatient, but so far working at the mall during Christmas has been nothing like I imagined it would be. So I will continue to smile because at the end of the day.....there is no chance that I was responsible for killing someone....except for that one lady that I hoped would get hit by a bus....hey I am still me after all!!

Just another health insurance lecture

A Time article got me thinking about healthcare in America again. And then The Daily Show reminded me of how the Medicare Prescription plan started (with a really shitty enrollment period, not dissimilar to the ACA sites problems). And it reminds me of how frustrating people are.

They claim they want government to stay out of their lives and yet ....their actions often say something completely different. Many senior citizens used to be surprised that Medicare didn't have prescription coverage....then when they got it all they want to do is bitch about what it doesn't cover or that the plan tells their doctors what meds to prescribe. Forget the fact that Part D doesn't cover benzodiazepines (valium, xanax, etc) because the package labeling (as well as some prescription safety groups) states it isn't safe to use in the elderly..why the hell should it cover a drug that shouldn't be being prescribed?? And why doesn't anyone ever question the doctor about this? Doctor says to take it, well it MUST be ok then. Forget that Prior Auths are in place to ensure that doctors have tried alternative medications that are not only less expensive but in many cases a better treatment. No let's just assume that the government is trying to deny you medication....the same government who created the plan that you NEVER had...and you would certainly not have been able to afford the hundreds of dollars per month that the drug you feel you are being denied would have cost YOU, out of YOUR pocket. So, yeah, prior auths are in place solely to deny you something you, yourself, would never pay for...so let's bitch about that. I swear if the pharmacist I used to work for said one more time "I can't wait til we all have it" I would have been justified in killing him....For starters, the ACA was never about us all having a government plan, so his statement is stupid before it even starts BUT let's just say we were "all going to get it"...do tell me how having a prescription plan that requires your doctor to justify why he feels you need a particular expensive drug is better than NOT HAVING A PRESCRIPTION PLAN AT ALL??? No, really, please help me understand!

Which reminds me of another argument I love...when a patient is told that a drug is not covered and they emphatically state "BUT I NEED IT" and you remind them that they can pay out of pocket...isn't it amazing how when THEY need to give up something (maybe they can't get that new iPhone if they "waste" their money on their prescription) it's amazing how suddenly their health isn't nearly as important if someone else isn't going to pay for it. This happened a lot when companies stopped paying for Brand drugs that had generics available. "But I have always paid $10 for the brand and I am allergic to the generic" "Well now your insurance expects you to pay the difference between the generic and brand--and that will be $147" "Oh---well give me the generic"...what happened to that allergy? Somewhere along the road we have been led to believe we are all entitled to healthcare that costs us next to nothing.

But I digress, this isn't about Part D (or annoying pharmacy customers)...and how no one wanted that, and how it got off to a rough start but try to take it away now and you would have mobs of seniors beating you with their canes!

This is about health insurance in general, not even about ACA. The Time article mentioned that health insurance didn't become attached to employment until the 1940's...I don't have the article beside me so don't shoot me if I got the year wrong. What happened was the government put a freeze on wage increases...something to do with the war I think... I speed read so I miss stuff. Anyway, companies took to offering health insurance and other benefits to entice workers. And, voila, an entitled nation was born. It was just assumed that if you had a job, you should get health benefits. No more personal responsibility. The article also points out that over the past 20-25 years employer's contributions have been decreasing and the benefits themselves have been gradually being reduced. Somewhere along the road we have been led to believe we are all entitled to healthcare that costs us next to nothing. We have gone so many years with it being given to us that we just can't accept that WE should have been paying more all along. It has become more acceptable that we have deductibles now and eventually I think we will accept that we all will be expected to pay for something we should have paying for all along. Kind of like gas prices...it really hurt when it jumped to $3 a gallon...now that would seem like a bargain!

Twenty to twenty five years....that's when I first got into the healthcare field. And, yes, I witnessed this. You used to pay next to nothing to have really good coverage. Low copays for office visits, prescriptions and you weren't expected to pay for things like labs and X-rays. And deductibles? PFFFF, no one even knew what that word was. I watched prescription copays go from $1 for brand name and zero copays for generics to the system we have now...not triple tier copays but FOUR tier copays. There are generic copays (rarely below ten dollars), brand copays, Formulary copays and then non preferred formulary or whatever words they use to try to classify the drugs they really don't want to pay for. Some people have deductibles to meet before their prescription coverage even kicks in. And some plans don't even use flat dollar copays, it's percentage based, so you will really feel it, if your doctor writes for one of those new drugs the drug rep tells him is superior.

I experienced it personally, I, too, took for granted the health insurance I had. If the doctor said I needed an MRI, I didn't question it. I didn't shop around, I wasn't going to be paying anything for it anyway. It seems quite obvious the flaws in this system, If you don't have a personal financial stake in your healthcare why worry about cost. I once had an ER visit that cost $5000, I paid NOTHING! This system is why we are in the current mess we are in. When my husband needed knee surgery, we found out how crappy the system is. Even when you try to find out what your costs will be, you are blatantly lied to....and once you have an MRI, there's no returning it because the bill now states you owe a thousand dollars more than you were quoted or that you could have gone somewhere else for less but since there is no transparency you, as a patient, are screwed. This is why I support the ACA. It isn't just about getting millions of uninsured people insured it's about trying to fix the system.

People get so offended when the government tells them they need to be insured. The funny thing is most of the offended people ARE insured. Now they are getting pissed because it will cost more. The "free" ride is over. They blame ACA for rising premiums....well you may want to check your paystubs....premiums started rising LONG before Obama was in office and your benefits were being cut before then too. The ACA is trying to make everyone more accountable....citizens more accountable because there is no excuse to not have health insurance, you can not be denied anymore. We all have been paying for people who don't have insurance, it is hidden in the ridiculously high costs that we pay. ACA is making insurance companies more accountable, there are many rules in place regarding how much they can charge and penalties if it discovered that they are charging too much.

Corporations are taking advantage of the ACA and using it as an excuse to cut workers to part time or to stop offering health benefits if they don't have 50 employees and therefore aren't required to. Or maybe your contribution is expected to increase. THIS is on them....place the blame on them. Many companies have already been using these tricks to avoid offering benefits (yes, Walmart, I am looking at you!). and again your benefits have been eroding over the past 25 years....this is just an opportune time for corporations to hide behind ACA and blame it for their stinginess.

Is it even stinginess? Health insurance has been a BENEFIT offered by employers....let me repeat that a BENEFIT...not a requirement. Ultimately it is up to each of us to be responsible for our health, including insurance should we need it. You don't expect your employer to pay for your car insurance, so why your health insurance? Just because you have come to expect something doesn't mean it is owed to you. And yes it hurts to lose it but we have been slowly losing it --before Obama "took it away from you" --and a fix is in order.

So, instead of us all balking at the ACA and what it will cost us personally, let's try to look at the big picture. Maybe this will stop the craziness that has become the American healthcare system. Maybe with more personal financial accountability costs can start to be contained. With higher office copays maybe the next time you have a runny nose, you will wait to see if it's just a friggin' cold that will go away on it's own. Because when it's YOUR money and not some insurance company paying for it...well maybe you can try some Neosporin on that cut, and just in general, stop being a spoiled, whiny little bitch that runs to your doctor every time you aren't feeling 100%.

Every big change that has occurred in our country has come with naysayers, you will never get 300 million people to agree on everything but can we at least give things a try before we call it a failure. I still don't know how this will turn out, it could be a disaster or maybe, just maybe, it will be the start of something that one day we all look back on and say "why did it take so long to fix...it wasn't so bad after all"  And if it sucks ...well there will be this permanent record of how I was on the wrong side and you can copy and past the link with a big I TOLD YOU SO!! ;)

Ramblings of a depressed mind the day after

We have been in California almost exactly 6 months now. It is everything I imagined and more. Now that winter is here, I am realizing that even with highs in the 60's, it won't be so bad. almost every day is still sunny, no gloom to bring me down.

There is truly nothing negative for me to say about our new life. We have finally found jobs, yes, making a little less than we hoped for, but we planned for that. And the only bad part about living a "poor" life as opposed to having a pharmacist's salary is having a rich friend (CORRECTION: A, singular, not plural as erroneously stated in the original blog post) that doesn't quite comprehend that we have to watch EVERY dollar. WE don't feel like we are sacrificing and that is the most important thing. We didn't go out to eat when we had money, so we aren't really missing anything. We have always enjoyed doing things that don't cost money--like hiking. We really don't feel like we are missing anything. No, we won't be vacationing like we used to, but that's why we had one last hoorah with Africa, those memories will take us through many years.

SOOOOO ---we are happy, I speak for both of us, because we have discussed this. Dave is 100 percent behind my decision to stay out of pharmacy forever. That begs the question...why depression?

It comes and goes, I assume it's hormone related. The last few weeks have been really bad with morning nausea and extra long hot flashes. And depressed thoughts. They are gone now. I want to write while they are here, to show how bad they can be. The mind is so amazing. I may have mentioned Rick Springfield has named his depression Mr. D. And I agree that it does feel like a being, a voice so convincing. It wants to drag you down. And, again, I thank my therapist (did I mention she's retiring the end of this year? I know she's way back East and I haven't seen her for a long time but she was a crutch that I enjoyed having in the closet ...just in case...)...anyway I thank her for the tools she showed me that I can use to combat these bad thoughts. They work...for the most part. But sometimes....sometimes...I wish that I hadn't had such a horrible experience with antidepressants, because I am tired of fighting the thoughts. I just don't want to have them anymore. I want to just enjoy the palm trees and the sun and my loving husband....I don't want to have to remind myself about it...I want to just fucking enjoy it! But then I remember that while the pills take away the sadness they also take away everything else...no more crying...EVER...no empathy...no disgust at atrocious sights (Walking Dead just wouldn't be the same!) and sleep...lots and lots of sleep. They take away LIFE...and maybe not with everyone, but with me they did. I was a zombie. And I lost so much...time with Andrew being at the top of the list.

I hope it's the peri menopause...that gives me a light at the end of the tunnel, it may be a few years til it's all over but at least it will end and I know that it ebbs and flows. In a couple months I may be back to just a bitchy day here or there, thrown in with some paranoia but the depression won't sneak in. It helps so much that Dave is so understanding,  I don't know that I would get it....He can actually feel the heat come off of me with some of the hot flashes, so I know that makes it real and he can understand how annoying that can be. But can he really understand the sadness?  I would take hot flashes and nausea all day, every day...to avoid even 10 minutes of those thoughts. It is so exhausting fighting them. I have tried running more, eating more fish...anything to naturally boost my serotonin but it has just been a bad, bad month.

Being home alone, of course, makes it worse. I am grateful to have a job now to distract me. But the depression robs me of enjoying my days off. There are things I want to do....like paint but the voice just wants me to do nothing. I have started reading a lot more. The voices can't talk when I am busy reading or distracted with games...so I have been playing more solitaire and slot games and of course Candy Crush. As much as I love to run, the voices get me there too. I have started listening to music again while I run....it's weird I kind of don't "hear" the music but I don't hear the voices either. Playing the piano is a great distraction too....it sounds like shit if I don't pay close attention to the sheet music so I really have to concentrate...no voices get through.

This rambling is to try to provide insight into what a depressed mind does. It would have been better (or worse, depending on how you look at it) if I would have still been having the thoughts but I think because they were still so fresh that you can get a feel for what it's like to have a rambling brain and how frustrating it can be. It's like the happy person is suddenly trapped at the bottom of a well and that damn Mr. D is standing at the top saying "You aren't coming back....I'm in control now BITCH!"
Truly depressed people have it the worst because they already hate their life and it doesn't take much to convince them that everything sucks. But I KNOW it doesn't so I fight that dickhead and I win every time. I am so glad every thing is going well because it scares me to see how strong he is and if had even the smallest opening he would seize it and I don't even want to consider what would happen then. I think it would be a true test of how good my therapist was and how strong I have become. Today I know I would win...no matter what....but if you had asked me yesterday....well I just don't know what my answer would be.

On turning forty .....FIVE!!!

It's been many years since a birthday has bothered me...many, many years. Twenty nine was the tough one for me.....I don't know why it bothered me more than 30 but it did. Once I hit 30 and still didn't feel old, age didn't seem to bother me anymore. Plus I had finally grown into the age that I looked. Even at 20 I was mistaken for 30. I have always had a "mature" look, ooohhh lucky me. But for the past 14 years, age hasn't been an issue, most people guess my age as younger now, which could be due to my young looking husband (still being carded at 42!). They still think I am older than him but because he looks so young they still think I am younger than I actually am. Probably also has to do with how immature I can behave....but I am now old enough not to give a damn what others think and have much more fun with that attitude!

My birthday is still 6 weeks away but I have already begun dwelling on it. Forty five represents NOT being in my "early" forties. It represents being closer to fifty. Fifty seems old. My bff is in his fifties and he doesn't act any different than I do...but fifties just sounds like my parent's age...(they are now in their early 60's--but I still think of them as in their 50's--though they do "act" old--no offense mom and dad!). They move slower, are achy....that's what I mean by old.

I see plenty of people in my facebook running groups that aren't old but are in their fifties and sixties but 45 is just really bothering me. I realize I can't really do anything about it, and it is just a number. I suppose I can stop keeping track of birthdays...but have a feeling SOMEONE will remind me...

I think mortality has a lot to do with it. Once you hit forty you start hearing all about people your age dying. Maybe you don't pay as much attention to this in your twenties and thirties, but once you hit forty...geesh...it's ALL you take notice of. And a lot of the time it's the "died suddenly"....no warning. I mean getting cancer would suck but at least you would have some time to knock off some bucket list stuff.

I think every year farther from your twenties is a year closer to your death. Pleasant thought, hunh? Realistically I could be just half way through my years here on Earth...I could easily have 45 more...One of my grandmother's lived until 92, and she wasn't even healthy. I do take after my paternal family though and neither of them made it to 80....but again both weren't fans of staying fit or even following doctor's orders.

I am so grateful that I started exercising almost 4 years ago. At least I know I am in the best shape of my life and the best shape I can be in. If I do die, it certainly won't be for lack of trying to avoid the inevitable. Of course, there's always the possibility that the trying to be healthy actually contributes to an early demise....I think of this when hiking...looking over the steep edges...wondering if a wild animal is going to pounce on me or a snake will bite me....I could get hit by a car while running....I could get attacked while running....but I chose to be as cautious as possible without turning into a paranoid nutjob.

It's such a fine line...to live each day to it's fullest, knowing we aren't guaranteed tomorrow, but to make sure if we get lots and lots of tomorrow's that we remain healthy and wealthy enough to continue to enjoy them.

I think I will just keep being 44...for as long as I can get away with it (maybe even til I am fifty!--by then maybe it will stop being a big deal!)...no one needs to know the truth....we will keep it our little secret!

Say goodbye to cynical Ann

I have become quite cynical. Through years and years of being disappointed by people, whether it was co-workers stealing or lying, drug addicted customers...I have seen so much that I would not have believed if I had not witnessed it myself. People have amazed me and not in a good way.

I realized how bad it has gotten when my friend told me that his Boot Camp instructor hadn't shown up for a few classes, this AFTER he had been given money for 10 future classes. Turns out he had been in a motorcycle accident and lost his leg...my first thought was "That SUCKS!" but my second thought was "It's a scam." My friend is out 70 bucks, unless you believe the optimistic trainer who thinks he will be back January.

I imagined this whole scenario where he goes to different parts of the park at different times of the day, different days of the week, telling unsuspecting newbies his "schedule". He shows up a couple times, gets them interested, pockets their money and then moves on to another park, or a different day. It could be quite profitable. Or I could just be reallllly cynical!

So I have decided....no more pharmacist, no more cynic! I am going to give people the benefit of the doubt again....I am sure I will be let down...oh dammit...there I go again! NO!!! I won't be let down!!! I am going to focus on positive news stories and good people! I live in sunny California and I am going to have a sunny disposition.....ok who believes me?

Wish me luck....it's my New Year's Resolution a couple months early!! Certainly I can make it til at least then....

Oh MoJo, where have you gone??

Oh motivation...where have you gone?

I seem to work out and run more when I have a job...a friend suggested that maybe when you are laying around being lazy, it's easier to just keep being lazy (Thanks Ray!)....that could be it...

Actually if you look at my workout logs...I have been doing about the same amount of hours...if you count the hiking. For some reason I downplay hiking...like it's not REAL exercise. I think it's because I enjoy it so much. As much as I like running and doing Jillian DVD's, there is still a part of me that considers it hard...well maybe not the running...the hardest thing about running for me is just taking the time to do it.

Today was an especially tough day. I haven't even been running much...I was doing about 10 miles a week, but the past 2 weeks I have only gotten in 2 days of running each week instead of 3. And most of those runs have felt forced. Today was by far the worst. Normally if I just put my running clothes on the desire to run quickly follows....today I was about a mile from home and I just didn't want to be running. The weather was perfect, coolest day yet... I wasn't feeling any aches or pains, my legs didn't feel heavy...I just didn't want to be running. I tried to think of what I DID want to be doing and nothing came to my mind...so I just kept on running. I passed a walker with headphones and thought maybe I need to go back to listening to music while I run. The idea that maybe I didn't feel like listening to myself crossed my mind.... I tried to remind myself to look at the beauty all around me but even that didn't work. So I think it just may be that I am tired of thinking, more than tired of running.

When I hike, Dave is with me. I have someone to talk to, to listen to, to share the beauty, so I don't get distracted my damn thoughts. When I am not running, I am either on the computer...distracted...or reading a book, deeply involved with THEIR issues.

Even without motivation..I still manage to get the workouts in because I know how far I have come and do NOT want to lose my fitness. I even have races coming up and that isn't really motivating me.
I am hoping these feelings will pass...because it used to be the toughest part of working out was the work out...but I think it's even tougher to have these internal fights about just doing it already!!

I keep going back to "this, too, shall pass" and I waiting...even if it's not patiently!

Secrets to a HAPPY marriage

Ok....something pleasant for a change....

I have been with my husband for 17 1/2 years (OMG we are OLD!!). We have been married for 12 and it's been 2 years since we renewed our vows.

Has everything always been perfect? Absolutely not! And, complete honesty...most of the rough patches were completely my fault (big surprise, hunh?) The first couple years were rough because I had post partum depression and tons of guilt over leaving my husband...not the leaving part as much as the bringing my son up in a "broken" family. Not many people divorced in my extended family and I had a big family. That's not to say there were a lot of happy marriages either. It wasn't easy to end the marriage but, in truth, it should have never happened. I got married for all of the wrong reasons. No regrets...because I love, love, love my son! (see my sappy post about him going away to college!)

So the biggest secret is to find someone self less, caring and able to deal with your faults. But there aren't a lot of Dave's out there, are there? ;)

After 7 1/2 years together Dave left me on Valentine's day (I know doesn't sound so pleasant ...hang in there). He gave me the "I love you but I don't know if I'm IN love with you" speech. He had just been laid off of a job he enjoyed and his grandmother died suddenly...all of this within a week. While I think he's perfect...we do all have our limits. Keep in mind I was not exactly the best partner at this point and he had stuck with me anyway! It was an eye opener. I had kind of built a wall up and never really showed him how I felt. My logic was he couldn't hurt me if he didn't know how much I loved him and needed him. When he left, the pain was incredible...what a fool to realize by protecting myself I had pushed him away!

Needless to say he came back...after (I think it was) a day and a half. He had said he needed a few days and I was going up and down with emotions and was at the anger point and ready to change the locks! Thank God he came back when he did!

We talked and since then we have vowed to never let anything build up, to always be honest and I promised to start showing my love. The things he needed were so easy to do and things I wanted to do...a back rub, holding hands, basically just being affectionate.

It helps that we think alike. We have similar views on the importance of money versus happiness. Similar political views, both love animals, etc. I learned to trust him completely and stop trying to read into things and to TALK about things that might be bothering me (my first husband had cheated on before we were even married and I swore I wouldn't ignore "signs" anymore, even signs that were only in my head---again, I was lucky that he was patient and understanding but after 7 years I needed to suck it up and get over it!)

I tell you that it hasn't always been perfect so you know that it does take work but on the other hand it should not FEEL like work. IF it is that hard to make your marriage happy, then you need to really figure out if this person is right for you. There are some relationships that can not be happy. Some people aren't capable of giving you what you need or accepting that you can only give so much.

My first marriage would have never worked. I mean it could have lasted...I could have continued to bury who I really was to fit into what he wanted me to be. But is that a happy marriage...does it count that you are together for 50 years, if you aren't you?

I don't want to say that these "secrets" can fix a broken a marriage that shouldn't be, but if you are compatible people who have drifted apart these things may help.

TRUST -- it essential to any good relationship. There are easy ways to enhance trust...the most simple being DON'T BREAK IT...don't hide relationships that you think are innocent but may "hurt" the others feelings or that they wouldn't approve of. If they don't approve and it is an important relationship that you don't want to give up, you need to examine why they don't approve, is it valid? Was it a previous lover? Or is the other person just unnecessarily a jealous person? Can you deal with that?

COMMUNICATION -- again, no hiding shit, nothing! Be honest! Are you feeling like you aren't appreciated? Bring it up nicely and explain HOW you would feel more appreciated..is it simply a thank you...I was certainly guilty of this. Dave cooks, he cleans, he does the laundry, he grocery shops....he says he enjoys these things. That doesn't mean I can't thank him for doing them. A sincere thank you goes a long way.

LOVE -- seems obvious, right? But we all have different ways of showing our love. What does your partner want/need? A hug when they come through the door? A kiss before bed. Or simply not to be taken for granted?

APPRECIATION -- focus on the good. We all have faults. What made you fall in love? What makes you proud to be their spouse? Think about these things often....remember them when they do something annoying. Does the good outweigh the bad? Then stop dwelling on the bad and focus on the good.

SEX -- sure some may think this shouldn't be included but for most of us sex is essential. If you aren't having sex...why? Do you no longer desire your partner? Why? Is it just punishment because they don't do their fair share? Well TALK ABOUT IT....maybe if they knew they could get some lovin' for mowing the lawn that would motivate them!

No great revelations....because when you are with someone that you really want to spend your life with, you WANT both of you to be happy and you work to figure out what that means for you. You don't put their happiness above yours, because that thinking will fail every time. Relationships require two people and if you are both committed to ensuring the other is happy..not MAKING them happy but aiding in them being happy, you will both end up happy!

Family--when to throw in the towel

I have debated on whether to blog on this but a recent development has made me say "what the fuck..why not?" Blogging is cathartic and this shit needs to get out there so it won't be in here...my head...rambling along, trying to figure out where I went wrong, what I did..

I must have this strange idea of family... I assume that they should know you better than anyone. That if you do something they find offensive that they should give you the benefit of the doubt and confront you to see if your intent was really to hurt them.

I also have a strange idea of what an olive branch is...the one I envision doesn't have barbs on it.

I finally believe that you should own what you do, what you say...not try to rewrite history to make yourself look good or feel better.

There are two sides, of course from where I sit it's hard to be objective when relaying the other side but I will try to start with the facts, no emotion. I will start with her side, seems fair enough, right?

Per her and a third party she claims it all started because I didn't call her when I got to CA, after she so graciously allowed me the use of her home and dropped me at the airport at 4 am.

When I did speak with her and she mentioned this, I said "I posted it on facebook" and this apparently also offended her.  Enough to unfriend me.

When I noticed that I had been unfriended and sent her a message "Did you really unfriend me?" (I was giving her the benefit of the doubt, perhaps it was a facebook glitch.) I got the following response:  

Yes, yes I did. It is okay for you to decide to move, but talk about negativity, you have had nothing nice to say about OUR family for quite a while, I am sad for you that you have such a warped view of your TRUE family. I am glad you have a new one, hope you find everything you think you didn't have here. I am not interested in reading your bullshit on a daily basis, therefore the easiest thing to do was unfriend you, God knows you would never call to see how I am. We are two different people as I have said many times before, you will always be my sister, but my friends don't trash talk each other or their families. Good luck with your new adventure, I am sure I will see you again, but I just don't need to read your garbage posts. I hope you leave my children out of your future posts, seriously poor judgement on that one. You of all people know that employers are checking every source possible for future employees and to post on a public forum is just thoughtless and rude. I believe that is why we have email and private messages. Take care of yourself, and be true to yourself. Love always. ME

Now...nowhere in there do I see any mention of me forgetting to call her when I landed in California. Now may be a good time to add that I do not recall saying I would call, that I am not a morning person so with just a few hours sleep and then a full day of travel...on my own...terrified of flying and having to switch planes, extremely stressful for me...that I should have been given a little leeway. Not to mention that it was a Saturday and she always goes out on weekends and NEVER has time to talk to me on weekends, so I have generally avoided bothering her on weekends and did I mention the FIFTY BUCKS she took for the use of the bed and the drive to the airport? (oops was there emotion in that?)

Let's address the issues she does mention...the reason I believe she got pissed is because I posted that I didn't want any more contact with negative people and that if they wanted to be negative they could go away (something along those lines)--that was in regards to something my son had told me that my parents had said(that I would be back in PA within a year or so)...NOTHING to do with her. She hadn't been negative about the move, she had ZERO interest in it, didn't ask how house hunting was going, didn't ask to see pics once we settled...nothing. I knew then that she was pissed that I was moving. So what? I should stay there for her? Once she got rid of the second husband she had no use for me as is usual when she gets a new boyfriend...I deal with this like a grown up and don't take it personally, it is just life...but what? I should hang around because things weren't going that well for her and she may need me again? Seems fair..not! Again, she never discussed me moving and how it made her feel, just let it boil. It never stopped her from taking tons of my stuff from me..for FREE...because I find it kind of awkward to take money for stuff like that...I still can't believe she took FIFTY BUCKS for driving me 1/2 hour to the airport...she must get really bad gas mileage! I knew she needed the money and have always done stuff like that so she wouldn't feel she was getting a hand out (I paid her 100 bucks to plant some plants for us to improve our curb appeal--she needed money to file for bankruptcy (yup apparently when you're broke you need money to get out of being broke).

She goes on to mention family...and TRUE family...ahh the irony...My new CA family has never taken money to pick me up or take me to the airport....

Then there's the BS about finding everything here that I didn't have yada yada....if you have read my blog, you know why we moved here...it was rather simple THE WEATHER....had she ever bothered to shut up about how awful her life is and listen to me, she might have recalled that that was why we were moving, we have been discussing it for ten TEN years...she has discussed moving, never consulting me to see if I "approved" but apparently I require her blessing.

Next...my "bullshit"..well yes some people do find my posts annoying...how about hiding me? not unfriending me...seems a bit drastic...

Never call to see how she is....she just recently got a job...works from 9 til almost 7. She gets a break in the middle of the day for about 3 hours...I have told her on numerous occasions to call me when she's on her break,  it varies and I am not psychic...I was in PA for 2 weeks, without a job, without a hubby and my son in school all day. She did not call ONCE! This was long before the alleged reason for her being pissed...the forgotten phone call once I got to CA.

The trash talking family...guess instead of agreeing with her about the horror of my mother lying about our sons being able to visit anytime in June and then scheduling a casino trip that made them have to rearrange their (our sons) travel plans I should have told her not to trash talk our mother! Whatever you say to her, it is never right...ever...

Then there is the post to her children that would ruin their future...I shared an article about someone who regretted using pot...never said that either of them had used it...it was merely to inform them because they had the wrong idea that I thought it was ok...they still think I allow my son to do this. What I have actually said, is should he ever be under peer pressure to do drugs do NOT do heroin, huffing, etc...that if absolutely must do something rebellious stick to pot. This is hardly condoning it! And I am pretty sure that failing a drug test is going to be a little more problematic than an aunt posting an article on your facebook wall...but wtf do I know? (in fact her daughter had to quit a job to avoid a drug test but I AM THE BAD PERSON!)

So why post now?

All of the sudden she reaches out to me...with that olive branch...

I deleted the messages we just sent each other because I am DONE. 

Her olive branch was along the lines of 'Been thinking about you. Hope you are enjoying your new life and family. My intention in unfriending you was to avoid fighting. I love you, Your lil sis'

Once again with the family--little passive aggressive for a true apology. The unfriending was to avoid fighting...what was that message? Or did she rewrite history and forget that nasty little message?

After a few days I finally just sent her a text that said I found the second sentence to be offensive though not as offensive as the original message: thereby reminding her of what ACTUALLY happened. She then went on to say she missed sharing things with me. I agreed but said I was still too hurt. Then she goes all nuts again and rewrites history again...saying again that she was nice enough to save me money by letting me stay with her and then I didn't call.....She saved me about 20 bucks by staying with her and believe me had I known the shit storm that would erupt and then tried to be blamed on THIS friggin' favor, I would have just stayed at the damn hotel! SERIOUSLY!! How the fuck can someone be so blind to reality????

This may be a good time to mention she is allegedly bipolar. I say allegedly because although the therapist has been dissed as completely incompetent in regards to her therapy apparently his diagnosis manages to be the gospel....She hasn't seen a therapist in years and even when she did it was half assed. At one point she almost agreed to go to the one that helped me but I honestly believe she doesn't want to be cured..which is consistent with people with bipolar, so maybe she truly is.

All I know is I have been there for her through a lot of shit and all I need to do is miss one phone call and apparently all of the times I have been there for her are forgotten. But then it does seem quite apparent she doesn't have much of a memory.

Part of me is kind of glad she gave a half ass apology and then showed her true colors...that she is still really angry and really petty..because the last 3 months without any phone calls..hearing about how shitty her boyfriend is, how horrible her kids are and how her job sucks, well, frankly, it's been rather pleasant. 

She is engaged again and it only shows that there are lots of lonely people in the world that will put up with a lot just to not be alone. I am NOT one of those people and I am ready to acknowledge that just because you are related to someone does not mean you have to like them or even put up with their shit!

Consider the towel thrown in...with no regrets...I tried, I really did.

Rambling again

I can't believe it's been almost 5 months since that long cross country drive.

I can't believe it took so long to find jobs. (and how easily I tossed one away --- I am considering Walmart to be like my hubby's car salesman job, he lasted 2 days...me 3 weeks! -- we both get a do over! I will chose more wisely next time!)

Some people we have talked to have said this was a bad summer...hotter than usual, wetter than normal and more humid. Others say it can be worse. There were a few nasty humid days, but certainly not as bad as back East and certainly not as many...And definitely not as much rain.

Every day I wake up and it's sunny (a handful or fewer haven't been), is that why it's so easy to get up early here? On my days off I used to sleep til 10:30 sometimes later. It is a rare day I sleep past 9, and my sleep hasn't even been good lately...hormones have been acting up and lots of hot flashes (YAY....not!).

We have been hiking once a week for the past month. WOW -- it is so beautiful... I will never get tired of the beauty out here. Who would think a desert could be so beautiful. Dave is right, the mountains add to it. They were snow capped the other day for a few hours...a very early snowfall, according to the locals. I thought I would dread winter, but the lower temps were ok, as long as the sun is out!

It feels like home now. It feels like we have always been here and it feels like this is where we should be. Yes I miss my son. But, once again, he has surprised me. He texts me regularly, he has called several times..without prompting and he tells me all the time that he misses me and can't wait for winter break. He even calls from his dorm room...while his roommates are there! He says it doesn't matter anymore and he realizes how silly he was being! I thought it would take years for him to reach that conclusion!

I can not think of one negative about living here. Yes, it would have been nice to find jobs sooner and better paying jobs. But Dave is starting in a whole new direction, a job that excites him...it will be so different than anything he has done and hopefully it will be enjoyable. He will be working for a private aviation place. They take care of private planes that land at the airport. They also have a contract with the local military base. He won't be stuck inside behind a desk. His views are amazing and he gets to see some really cool planes! There is potential for advancement and if his pay increases even just a little, everything will be okay! We have a cushion to lean on, didn't want to, but that's what it was for...so maybe we won't vacation for a while...that's why we had Africa, to give us great memories to last a lifetime. Life here is like a vacation...the weather is just so damn beautiful! And PALM TREES everywhere!!

We have fixed the house up to a level we can live with. There is more to do but it is WANTS not NEEDS. What we have...the life we have...we aren't sacrificing...we have a beautiful home, wonderful friends and most importantly each other. Our relationship is stronger than ever....that seems like a good future blog....secrets to being together for over 17 years and loving each other MORE...

I have no regrets, I feel I needed to say this. My blogs are often about crap that irritates me. I may seem like an angry person. I don't dwell on any of that stuff. The blog helps, it is cathartic to write it down. Keeps it out of my head when I lay down and can't sleep because my mind keeps running.... oh yes that too.....the running out here....no more need for a treadmill EVER.. I made it through the heat of summer with no problems. It is flat...that is good and bad...it is soooo easy to run on flat ground but if I race somewhere NOT flat, that may be a problem...I have been doing some running during our hikes and plan to keep doing that...I still want to do the Tram hike and the Tram 6k run...but am definitely not in shape for that yet!

There are people I will miss back East but it's pretty easy to keep in contact with them on the internet. And a lot of them we only saw a couple times a year anyway....and once we get situated with permanent jobs we will be able to come back for visits and they can certainly come visit us too!

I still can't believe how long it has been...it was a year ago we were settling on the house. So much to worry about a year ago...and it all worked out. The birds have adjusted great and so have we!!

Killing Me Softly with their Tongs

Ok ....so here it is....remember I am a rambler, I cannot promise to keep this organized but I will try. This will be long, I will put a bold title near the final synopsis, the one true reason that I could NOT do this job.


I TOLD YOU SO

Many of you have said.."What did you expect? It's Walmart!"

I expected that a company as large and profitable as Walmart would know a little something about hiring, training and opening a new store....what I forgot was that they are CHEAP. We all read the stories about how they underpay and use tactics to avoid providing benefits...but I thought since they had been so publicly called out that it couldn't really be that bad.

Why did I even apply at Walmart? The intention was if I didn't find a job elsewhere it would be a fall back job...stocker, cashier...something mindless...not to offend anyone who does this...I just have had years of a job using my brain and wanted something simpler. I personally love manual labor, loved working on an assembly line at General Motors during my college summers...you may say that's because I only did it for a short time. Sure, whatever, it was nice to just show up and know that you were going to do the same thing day in and day out...I don't like surprises, I don't need variety. But I digress...

So months later when I get the call from Walmart...where they never mentioned Walmart..."I am calling from the Neighborhood Market regarding your application"...at that point with my husband out of work, I didn't question too much who was calling, I was just excited to get an interview. The interviews went well enough and I was scheduled for a third (yes THREE interviews to get a job at Walmart!!) 2 days later...the next day I get a call from Neighborhood Market...the guy who did my first interview, he wants to schedule an interview. I politely remind him that I have a third interview scheduled...that should have been my first red flag but hey it's a big operation to hire an entire new crew, paperwork can get mixed up.  I am still excited because second interviewer brought up the possibility of decorating cakes and suddenly this whole thing looked promising. Oh what a fool to be an optimist!

Third interview...dude who is supposed to interview me is late so I get the bitch from bitchville...that should have been my second red flag...she was saying all the right things to discourage me from the job (it won't JUST be bakery but deli as well). But I must say all the right things and I am offered a "temporary fresh" position. No explanation what that is, no talk of pay....but again it isn't about the money...I may get to decorate cakes!!! SO COOL!! (Such a fool!) Off to get the drug test but I will have to come back to accept the formal offer because their computers aren't working and they have been promised for weeks that they will be online any day (third red flag?).

Orientation goes ok...well only 2 of there couple dozen computers are working and not fully..so it takes forever for the 12 of us to each do what we have to do. There is a VERY anti union video that claims the whole time not to be anti union...that doesn't sit right with me but hey I am gonna decorate cakes. We aren't allowed to keep our Orientation New Employee Handbook because they won't have enough for the subsequent orientations (uh FOURTH red flag....). Finally we are given are schedules and sent on our merry way.

THE TRAINING

The store I am sent to has a less than friendly personnel lady...well she ACTS friendly enough but doesn't want to be bothered with someone else's employees. She is a pain in the ass about giving me the paper time sheets I need, making me walk to the back of the store every morning to try to find her, then being put off while she pertains to some task that can't wait a second for her to grab a sheet out of the file right in front of her, this happens for 6 shifts before she finally decides I can be trusted with 3...THREE whole days worth of time sheets! Every day at the end of my shift I must track down a member of senior management to sign it...no easy task in these big ass stores. And at the end of the week I must drive them to the other Walmart and walk them to the back of the store to turn them in...after tracking down another pleasant personnel lady. Certainly none of this contributed to my overall annoyance with how half ass the training was going...(insert eye roll here!)

It takes over a week for me to get a computer username and password. I am still under the impression the store will be opening November 1st and we are supposed to go in 6 weeks early to build shelves and stock it (yes it is already past 6 weeks at this point) so I am nervous about getting my computer training completed...the packet states there is 30 hours. Meanwhile the first 2 days I decorated cakes and cupcakes with Arcelia...the cake decorator referred to by Graciela (who speaks very little English) as "The lady is bitchy". I felt like I was a bother and again was worried I wasn't learning things I would need to know for the new store. So I decided to go to the deli side for some training. Probably a mistake as this is where I really started to not like the job...but I guess it's better to find out know then to just keep decorating cupcakes to only be disappointed once I got the new store.

I thought since the Deli had a manager things might go better (the bakery had been operating without one for who knows how long...no one knew enough English to understand my question...it was a chaotic mess..the freezer a disorganized mess!). The Deli manager either spoke broken English or just didn't want to talk to me, because he would always tell someone else what to tell me. There were 3 helpful people in the deli....2 who actually tried to do things by the book. Unfortunately we didn't work coinciding shifts very often.

He decided to have me learn how to "cook" (those who know me can see where this is going). This is basically operating the fry baskets to keep the hot case full. Different items get cooked different times and even then they may not be done, you need to break open the chicken tenders to see if there is still raw meat, same with the wings and the shrimp. The case has to be full no later than 10 am or upper management will have a bird (in my 15 shifts I saw upper management come by once--supposedly they do a walk through every morning). There are probably 15 items in the case and it was seeming a bit overwhelming, mostly because only ONCE did everyone scheduled show up for their shift. So others were always scrambling to do 2 jobs or just throw me into something untrained...like the deli slicer!

The slicer scared me, one girl said she cut herself twice...of course she is also one who didn't follow may of the proper procedures. But at this point without the computer training I was still in the dark about proper procedures. So here I am thrown on this thing with a "Set it on number 1--this one is for meat only"...Thankfully most customers were patient and most customers don't come til after they are done work and I was long gone by then! (The one positive Tues thru  Friday 8-4 with an hour lunch only 2 miles from home) So that's how I learned the slicer. I also got different answers as far as shelf dating a newly opened meat or cheese (6 days meat or is it 7? 21 days cheese or is it 22?). The same with their salads...NEVER buy cole slaw or broccoli salad without asking when it was made...The Palm Springs store told me they give it 3 days dating, the Palm Desert store said proper dating is 1 day but they give it 2!!!

So I finally get my username and gleefully get to spend 2 days in the computer lab, completely unassisted, doing my training packet. From what I gathered we were only supposed to do the learning that was assigned through links on our profile...screw that! I did the whole packet....every policy, procedure, task card, whatever...it's not like anyone had any idea where I was or when I was supposed to be anywhere. I probably could have shown up at 3:30 and hung out to get a manager to sign my time sheet at 4 but I am not like that...I am sure some of the people they hired caught on and took long lunches, etc. It was enough for me to hide out in the computer lab finally getting training albeit not hands on!

So now I go back to the deli armed with knowledge...observing all of the things you aren't supposed to do. Or rather observing none of the things you are supposed to do. You are supposed to wipe the thermometer with an alcohol swab before you temp food...seems pretty obvious...only ONE of the 6 or 7 people I worked with did that...at the Palm Springs store....I didn't even SEE a thermometer at the Palm Desert store!

You are supposed to change gloves in between tasks...if you were just touching frozen chicken and you need to slice for a deli customer, you SHOULD change gloves...only ONE person did this.

I watched the same tongs be used to flip those big whole chickens half way through their cooking cycle and again to use them to remove the chickens when they were done...or to use the tongs to get wings out the fryer basket...

I watched 4 hour rules be violated ALL of the time! There were rules about how the hot whole chickens had to be handled to determine if they could be used as cold chickens...but if there was already too many thrown away that day the rules were ignored.

 I watched the hot case be shut off for maintenance for an HOUR and that food served to customers without the temperature being checked first to make sure it was still over 140 degrees.

My favorite is the little hand held PDA type device that sends reports straight to corporate if the tasks aren't completed in a timely manner....sooooo associates just sign on to the device click that it was completed (sure we cleaned the slicer every 4 hours...I worked  fifteen 7 hour shifts...ONCE in the Palm Desert store I saw someone clean it the proper way)...put fake temps in, if a temp was the info requested....I love checks and balances....they just don't work when you punish your employees for not complying, it encourages dishonesty...of course it would all be unnecessary IF there were proper staffing and they were paid decent wages but then how would you get your 2 dollar 6 pack of socks??

Other stupid things: My second day of work, handing me a plan o gram and telling me to do a reset...the plan was for a different sized shelving unit. She didn't tell me where to get pegs or a ladder...that isn't training... Throwing me in a freezer to empty 3 pallets full of deli/bakery stuff. First week of work...I don't know which items are for deli, which are for bakery. Don't know where to find a cart to haul the crap. The bakery deli is already packed full of carts that someone never emptied onto the shelves because there is NO ORDER. No idea where to get a pallet jack or how to use one...Somehow I managed to empty 2 of the pallets and not get frostbite! Again...doesn't training involve, I don't know, a TRAINER???

I was basically used as a grunt employee to fill in for those who didn't show up, which would be fine, IF I had ever done any of those jobs before.

 THE BEGINNING OF THE END

The final straw came...well let me back up ...when I got my next 3 week schedule I was told that the new store had been delayed...from November 1st til sometime in January...the light had the end of the tunnel just went OUT! I felt like all of the air went out of my sails. I had kept telling myself that if I could just hold on, the new store would be different, it was smaller, it would be organized by us and stay that way because the bakery manager was supposed to be awesome. One day soon I would be mostly decorating cakes and only occasionally doing the other crap. I could suck it up.... I had even thought how easy it would be to move up in the company (80% of their management started at a crappy job within--which explains a lot). Now I was face with MONTHS of being used to do whatever crappy job they decided no one else was doing. And no cake decorating because I couldn't bear to deal with the "bitchy lady".

SO, the final straw...I show up and there is ONE just ONE regular deli employee. There should be 3. The other lady is Graciela, the lady from the bakery that doesn't speak any English, very nice, I had thought, but ZERO English (outside of "lady is bitchy"). It is her FIRST day learning deli. The other lady also speaks ZERO English. At this point, I know how to use the fryers, but don't have all of the cooking times memorized. I have only sliced cheese twice and meat maybe half a dozen times. At 9:50 am she goes on her lunch break (another worry about what the new store would be like---some shifts here start at 4 and 5 am!). She leaves us ALONE for an hour. I am supposed to get a 15 minute break at 10. Graciela pretty much begs (without any English) for me not to leave her....how can I? She has been helpful when I was sent to stock the bakery aisles, even without English! So I stay...I get my 15 minute break at 11. I am supposed to take lunch at noon..that happens at about 12:50. When I get back, Graciela throws me under the bus by abandoning her slicer and leaving me to wait on a bunch of people. I realize she is new to this as well but Really? I could have left her alone to take my break and didn't, thanks for nothing. And that is how the associates treat each other. There are very few willing to help each other. Again, not a big concern, because MY store will be different...when did i ever become so optimistic? I am so irritated that on my 3 o'clock break (taken at 3:10) I call and speak to someone at the hiring center. It turns out to be the deli manager of the new store. He tells me to calm down ( I really wasn't hyper...) and says that we can't have people who don't speak English training me that I should start going to the Palm Desert store the next day. He isn't familiar with the Palm Springs store but KNOWS I will receive the proper training at Palm Desert. Once again, I am hopeful.

I arrive and finally meet someone else that has been hired for the deli/bakery at the new store. Just a kid, but very sweet. I learn from him that he was just hired. He was told it is a temporary position and that after 6 months we will become part time. They, of course, deliberately schedule us under 30 hours to avoid the ACA (should I blame Obama for this or recognize that Walmart is just doing what it has always done--looking out for number one). He was also told the new opening date is January 15th! TWO full weeks into January. Good God....

The deli manager here is very nice, as are the employees (for the most part). Day one goes ok...I even discover that there may not even be fryers at the new store...one less thing to worry about, as the deli still seems a little overwhelming. I am being SHOWN how to do things, such a novel way to train someone (dripping with the sarcasm!!). I learn how to make subs, not so bad. I learn some proper techniques for the slicer, including the proper way to clean it (not to be seen again--though I do only work one more shift before I quit!). I also witness even more rules being broken than at Palm Springs. Giving away way more samples than allowed, eating the food that we are making, at least these things don't compromise customer safety (well unless those samples aren't cooked properly)

 I never really see anyone in the bakery..they seem to all stay behind the scenes? I am guessing my cake decorating days are over until I get to the new store.

I realize that even with a more organized store and people actually training me that I am still dissatisfied. I try to place my finger on it...could it be that NO ONE at any point during the day has taken the temperature of any food item? Could it be that the cleaning procedures aren't any better than the other store...same with glove changing...same with 4 hour rules...same with the little PDA thing...and this is THE GOOD STORE!

While I think I could master being half assed at something like stocking I realize, finally, why I must quit.

THE ONE REASON I CAN NOT GET PAST

I can not break rules that can potentially hurt people. I am mocked by my obsessiveness to following rules, laws, recipes, directions, whatever....my son and husband find it silly....whatever!

Some rules NEED to be followed, hell, they shouldn't even NEED to be rules...it is common sense. You should make sure food is thoroughly and properly cooked if you are going to serve it to the public. You should throw out food that isn't fit for consumption, no matter what the consequences from your boss. You should clean surfaces with CLEANER, not a nasty towel that has been rinsed in hot water. You should cover cakes that aren't currently being decorated, especially when there are flies present! You should change gloves after mopping the floor BEFORE starting to cook food! You should get rid of any utensils used on raw chicken immediately, so someone else doesn't use them on cooked food. You should not use scissors to open a bag of lettuce and then a bag of raw chicken wings and then a bag of gravy...you should not stick a thermometer in shrimp and then chicken and then chimichangas without cleaning in between! You should not dump fried chicken where the raw chicken has just been! Would it kill you to wipe up the bloody roast beef drippings before slicing turkey or ham?

I observed lots of GROSS stuff and I just can't be that person.. I don't care how short staffed we might be or how over budget we are with are "markdowns" (food we had to throw out). I will NOT do it...I will not do it for even two more weeks....I could not do it. And to complain would be useless, because all of the management came from below. They know what goes on.

We have to fail sometimes to learn...I learned that I can NOT work around food because I will never be satisfied with other people's definition of clean. I did love decorating cakes but not enough to compromise my standards. So off I go on a search again...and if I don't find a dream job, involving animals or art, I do know that I would enjoy stocking, it's not that different from assembly line work or shoveling shit...both things I find enjoyable!

Thanks for reading until the end.

I needed to write this because I am still disappointed with myself. I am not a quitter. And certainly not a quitter who wouldn't give proper notice....just another red flag...Why would they want to keep paying to train me? Is it because that is the only way I will be eligible for rehire? They could have said that and I would have explained that this is one bridge I WANT to burn. I found it funny when my sister was fired from her Walmart job (she called someone(I think in management) a lazy fat ass and they have a ZERO tolerance policy about harassment --eyes rolling here!!) they told her she would be eligible to apply again in 3 or 6 months I forget which....I don't think she lasted much longer than I did. I certainly appreciate her comment now...so many of their employees are apathetic, with good reason.

I know this was supposed to be the end, but I remembered something one of the ladies in Palm Desert told me, she said they will try to find any reason to fire you, once you have been there long enough, because they like new help because it's cheaper. Oh corporations how I love thee...Wouldn't you just love to be watching your back all the time at your part time job without benefits so you don't get fired??

I don't have a lot of requirements for what my post pharmacist job will be but stress free is a necessity and deli work at Walmart would never be stress free.


AFTERTHOUGHT!

There is a procedure for proper thawing of the cakes, cupcakes, brownies, cookies, muffins, pies, etc. I bet you thought since they had a bakery all of that stuff was fresh!! (HAH!) They are supposed to thaw for 30 minutes...I think in the fridge...but since no one spoke English and didn't do it anyway, I am relying on my memory of the tons of crap I read in the computer modules. You also aren't supposed to pull out more stuff than you can stock in 20 minutes. That is the max time the stuff should be out before it is returned to refrigeration/freezer. On the day I stocked, neither of these procedures were followed. We put frozen pies out in the morning. And that pallet full FULL!! of bakery items sat in the bakery un refrigerated, unfrozen for HOURS and hours... and then was put back in the freezer at the end of the day.

I also found it hysterical on my last day...yesterday, but feels like forever now that I am free!-- a customer was appalled when he watched the associate refill the mash potatoes bin (the old one....not a fresh one like you are supposed to do) with a BAG of mashed potatoes. He said "The mashed potatoes come in a bag??", I said "So does the Mac n Cheese" ....he was saddened, apparently he thought we were back there slicing up potatoes and boiling pasta....THAT'S what he was concerned about....not any of the other crap that goes on....like not using the seafood only fryer for seafood only. Or that the tray with raw whole chickens is kept side by side with the premade hoagies...sure it's covered...it was covered using the gloves that handled the raw chickens...surely no salmonella could be on the OUTSIDE of the plastic! Or when making hoagies the meats and cheeses come prepackaged to make 3 hoagies. If you only make two, what happens to the rest of the opened packet? Thrown back in the box, unwrapped....yummy! Dried out lunch meat and cheese!

Oh yes ignorance is indeed bliss! Til the diarrhea hits...

Thoughts on our current state of politics

Recent events in our government have really disappointed me. And the response of the citizens isn't much better.

Americans are an arrogant group, we love to go on and on about what a great country we have....the greatest country. But what definition of great are we using? Great implies better than good. Are we good? Wouldn't a good country be able to feed all of it's poor? Wouldn't a good country provide affordable health care to ALL of it's people? Wouldn't a good country work together to try to find a solution to the number of mass shootings that have been taking place in recent years? Wouldn't a good country have a government that works together PERIOD? These are important issues that are just off the top of my head....Oh and wouldn't a good country educate it's youth better? We poll in the middle on most every subject...the middle....that's AVERAGE at best, not good, and certainly not great!

Is it Un American to write that? What about freedom of speech? Is it Un American to feel that way? Maybe you think it is... I think it's Un American to rest on our laurels, from a past that showed we had the potential to be the greatest nation. But somewhere along the way we stopped striving for greatness, because other than arrogance what are Americans known for? Laziness...

Let's stop being arrogant, stop being lazy and start rebuilding our country as something we can all be proud of. We can still have different opinions. You can still think the Affordable Care Act is wasteful spending, that it won't work BUT if the system we created to make laws is fair, with it's checks and balances, then you MUST accept the law and abide by it. You must agree that to shut down our government after fighting for years to repeal this law, taking it to the Supreme Court, spending God knows how much money, is not the way a great country handles things. Then to add insult to injury, these "representatives" claim the shut down isn't hurting anyone, it's not a big deal, it isn't affecting the economy...only to claim a couple days later that it is hurting people...people who went on vacation and now can't see the Statue of Liberty or Yosemite Park...that's what they have said...the Republicans who are trying to "protect" us from the big bad Affordable Care Act. They didn't mention the mothers and children who won't be receiving their aid for food, they didn't mention the military families whose commissaries have been shut down, they have forgotten the employees who have been furloughed...why? Because THEY (are wonderful, caring representatives) will still receive their checks!

As for our representatives... do they really represent us? They are wealthy, they are out of touch with how most of America lives, they do not care what we want, they abide by the wishes of those who line their pockets. They do a very good job of hiding behind talking points, never addressing facts. They appeal to one aspect of your loyalty...maybe you are Republican because you want your gun ownership to be unaffected, so you ignore that while protecting your gun rights, they protect their vaults of money, by paying lower effective tax rates. Maybe you consider yourself religious and they appeal to your morals, so you ignore the fact that they have no compassion for the poor, as Jesus would, because they fight to protect the sanctity of marriage or to toughen abortion laws.
We have a two party system, it is impossible to agree with everything your particular party believes in, we all are unique, we have different ideas of what is most important. We latch onto a party because of a few key beliefs that are similar. I have seen people switch parties when their eyes have been opened that you do NOT need to blindly agree with EVERYTHING they say, you can understand that their interests are self serving...or serving of those who are paying to keep them in office. It is foolhardy to think the actions of any of these "representatives" have the best interest of YOU in mind. It is okay to admit that your party is not perfect, just as it is okay to admit America is not perfect. The only way to fix what is broke, is to recognize that it is broke.

I think a good starting point would be to eliminate pensions for our representatives...ALL OF THEM!! There has been something circulating on facebook about this...let's do it! My idea is to make it like the current minimum wage system for people who work on tips or commissions. IF the representative doesn't earn X dollars through speaking events or book royalties or even just interest on the bags of money they already have...THEN they can collect their pension. I would venture to say that most everyone of our representatives makes more than what their pension would be through other means. How much money could this save in our budget? Enough to PAY for everyone to have healthcare...not assist in paying but actually PAY for it?? Maybe...I really don't want to know what the government pays out every year in pensions to former Congress people and Senators and Presidents...I truly do not want to know.

I want to end on one area where I believe America IS the greatest...our military. These people willingly sign up to serve our country, knowing ahead of time that our government does not show them the appreciation they deserve. Their pay sucks, their mental health needs are ignored when they return from tours of duty, they just, in general, are not shown the love they deserve....their pensions do not look anything like what we pay our Congressmen sitting in their cushy jobs and these men and women have put their lives in harms way and sacrificed time from family. These are GREAT Americans and a "great" country would treat them as such. We can be the greatest country again...but we need to get rid of the asshats (love that word) that are currently representing us, we need a better system to get money OUT of politics and start having OUR voices heard and OUR people taken care of...the American dream has become all but unattainable unless you were born with the right last name...the rich are getting richer and we are losing the middle class. Let's take back our country and make it great again!

Health Insurance

I started a post on why we all need health insurance and it started to sound preachy...so I figured I would try again and just make it more rambly...that is what this blog is about after all!

It seems quite obvious to me that if we are required to insure an inanimate, fairly inexpensive thing like a car...we wouldn't even think twice about having insurance for our health...when costs can go into the hundreds of thousands of dollars if you are diagnosed with something serious. Yet....some ridiculous number in the multi millions of people don't have it. And those that do are upset that the big bad government is trying to force them to get it.

I get the whole "the government shouldn't tell me what to do" argument but most people arguing this point HAVE insurance. The idea is if more people have insurance that it will cost us less in the long run...it isn't that complicated to understand but I really don't feel like trying to explain it and if you haven't already heard the argument then you obviously don't care and are still stuck on the "don't tell me what to do" argument.

Most people currently without insurance will qualify for subsidies and if you don't....well then you DO have enough money to afford insurance, you just chose to spend it on things you think are more important...like a cell phone or a million cable channels. Oops..getting preachy again....but it's true....you do not NEED a hundred dollar cell phone bill (or more...add data and texting and so on)...NOT having a cell phone, or even having one but without all the bells and whistles, will NOT BANKRUPT you....NOT having health insurance could...it's a big gamble...and when you lose...we ALL pay.

I just don't understand why it's ok to be forced to have car insurance but you get indignant when you are told you have to insure your health....why is the body of your car more important than YOUR body?

I give up ....talking about health care just gets me preachy.... I have witnessed too many people without insurance end up with mounds of bills...that they walk away from...and pass that on for the hospital to absorb and where does that go??? Higher costs for the rest of us.  And then there are the people begging for money on the internet because "Woe is me...I didn't have insurance and now I have an expensive life threatening disease"....For Pete's sake, at least have a high deductible catastrophic plan...then you can beg me to help you pay for the deductible, I can live with that....

It will be interesting to see how this all works out in a few years...I predict a better America....having everyone insured can only be a good thing...the government watching insurance companies more closely can only be a good thing...the disparity in pricing among hospitals and other healthcare providers is ridiculous...call it socialism, I don't care....when, we, the people, are being robbed by unfair practices SOMEONE should be watching out for us.

If you think there is nothing wrong with the way it works now, you either have great insurance or are healthy and accident free. Trying to shop around for prices on knee surgery for my husband was frustrating and pretty useless. The pricing structures are more secretive than making a friggin' bomb. It is nearly impossible to get anyone to tell you what a procedure will cost with any accuracy. Their MRI estimate was off over $2000. And you don't find that out til AFTER the fact and there's no returning a scan, so you are stuck with an unexpected bill because there are no regulations requiring straight forward answers to how much you will be expected to pay.

Will Obamacare fix all of the problems? I highly doubt it. But just because something isn't the perfect solution doesn't mean it isn't better than doing nothing at all....a prime example would be the bullshit with guns in this country.....Let's just stick our heads in the sand and let people keep mass murdering people....that solution seems to working really well....oops there I go again.....off on a tangent and preaching.....