Thursday, October 17, 2013

Family--when to throw in the towel

I have debated on whether to blog on this but a recent development has made me say "what the fuck..why not?" Blogging is cathartic and this shit needs to get out there so it won't be in here...my head...rambling along, trying to figure out where I went wrong, what I did..

I must have this strange idea of family... I assume that they should know you better than anyone. That if you do something they find offensive that they should give you the benefit of the doubt and confront you to see if your intent was really to hurt them.

I also have a strange idea of what an olive branch is...the one I envision doesn't have barbs on it.

I finally believe that you should own what you do, what you say...not try to rewrite history to make yourself look good or feel better.

There are two sides, of course from where I sit it's hard to be objective when relaying the other side but I will try to start with the facts, no emotion. I will start with her side, seems fair enough, right?

Per her and a third party she claims it all started because I didn't call her when I got to CA, after she so graciously allowed me the use of her home and dropped me at the airport at 4 am.

When I did speak with her and she mentioned this, I said "I posted it on facebook" and this apparently also offended her.  Enough to unfriend me.

When I noticed that I had been unfriended and sent her a message "Did you really unfriend me?" (I was giving her the benefit of the doubt, perhaps it was a facebook glitch.) I got the following response:  

Yes, yes I did. It is okay for you to decide to move, but talk about negativity, you have had nothing nice to say about OUR family for quite a while, I am sad for you that you have such a warped view of your TRUE family. I am glad you have a new one, hope you find everything you think you didn't have here. I am not interested in reading your bullshit on a daily basis, therefore the easiest thing to do was unfriend you, God knows you would never call to see how I am. We are two different people as I have said many times before, you will always be my sister, but my friends don't trash talk each other or their families. Good luck with your new adventure, I am sure I will see you again, but I just don't need to read your garbage posts. I hope you leave my children out of your future posts, seriously poor judgement on that one. You of all people know that employers are checking every source possible for future employees and to post on a public forum is just thoughtless and rude. I believe that is why we have email and private messages. Take care of yourself, and be true to yourself. Love always. ME

Now...nowhere in there do I see any mention of me forgetting to call her when I landed in California. Now may be a good time to add that I do not recall saying I would call, that I am not a morning person so with just a few hours sleep and then a full day of travel...on my own...terrified of flying and having to switch planes, extremely stressful for me...that I should have been given a little leeway. Not to mention that it was a Saturday and she always goes out on weekends and NEVER has time to talk to me on weekends, so I have generally avoided bothering her on weekends and did I mention the FIFTY BUCKS she took for the use of the bed and the drive to the airport? (oops was there emotion in that?)

Let's address the issues she does mention...the reason I believe she got pissed is because I posted that I didn't want any more contact with negative people and that if they wanted to be negative they could go away (something along those lines)--that was in regards to something my son had told me that my parents had said(that I would be back in PA within a year or so)...NOTHING to do with her. She hadn't been negative about the move, she had ZERO interest in it, didn't ask how house hunting was going, didn't ask to see pics once we settled...nothing. I knew then that she was pissed that I was moving. So what? I should stay there for her? Once she got rid of the second husband she had no use for me as is usual when she gets a new boyfriend...I deal with this like a grown up and don't take it personally, it is just life...but what? I should hang around because things weren't going that well for her and she may need me again? Seems fair..not! Again, she never discussed me moving and how it made her feel, just let it boil. It never stopped her from taking tons of my stuff from me..for FREE...because I find it kind of awkward to take money for stuff like that...I still can't believe she took FIFTY BUCKS for driving me 1/2 hour to the airport...she must get really bad gas mileage! I knew she needed the money and have always done stuff like that so she wouldn't feel she was getting a hand out (I paid her 100 bucks to plant some plants for us to improve our curb appeal--she needed money to file for bankruptcy (yup apparently when you're broke you need money to get out of being broke).

She goes on to mention family...and TRUE family...ahh the irony...My new CA family has never taken money to pick me up or take me to the airport....

Then there's the BS about finding everything here that I didn't have yada yada....if you have read my blog, you know why we moved here...it was rather simple THE WEATHER....had she ever bothered to shut up about how awful her life is and listen to me, she might have recalled that that was why we were moving, we have been discussing it for ten TEN years...she has discussed moving, never consulting me to see if I "approved" but apparently I require her blessing.

Next...my "bullshit"..well yes some people do find my posts annoying...how about hiding me? not unfriending me...seems a bit drastic...

Never call to see how she is....she just recently got a job...works from 9 til almost 7. She gets a break in the middle of the day for about 3 hours...I have told her on numerous occasions to call me when she's on her break,  it varies and I am not psychic...I was in PA for 2 weeks, without a job, without a hubby and my son in school all day. She did not call ONCE! This was long before the alleged reason for her being pissed...the forgotten phone call once I got to CA.

The trash talking family...guess instead of agreeing with her about the horror of my mother lying about our sons being able to visit anytime in June and then scheduling a casino trip that made them have to rearrange their (our sons) travel plans I should have told her not to trash talk our mother! Whatever you say to her, it is never right...ever...

Then there is the post to her children that would ruin their future...I shared an article about someone who regretted using pot...never said that either of them had used it...it was merely to inform them because they had the wrong idea that I thought it was ok...they still think I allow my son to do this. What I have actually said, is should he ever be under peer pressure to do drugs do NOT do heroin, huffing, etc...that if absolutely must do something rebellious stick to pot. This is hardly condoning it! And I am pretty sure that failing a drug test is going to be a little more problematic than an aunt posting an article on your facebook wall...but wtf do I know? (in fact her daughter had to quit a job to avoid a drug test but I AM THE BAD PERSON!)

So why post now?

All of the sudden she reaches out to me...with that olive branch...

I deleted the messages we just sent each other because I am DONE. 

Her olive branch was along the lines of 'Been thinking about you. Hope you are enjoying your new life and family. My intention in unfriending you was to avoid fighting. I love you, Your lil sis'

Once again with the family--little passive aggressive for a true apology. The unfriending was to avoid fighting...what was that message? Or did she rewrite history and forget that nasty little message?

After a few days I finally just sent her a text that said I found the second sentence to be offensive though not as offensive as the original message: thereby reminding her of what ACTUALLY happened. She then went on to say she missed sharing things with me. I agreed but said I was still too hurt. Then she goes all nuts again and rewrites history again...saying again that she was nice enough to save me money by letting me stay with her and then I didn't call.....She saved me about 20 bucks by staying with her and believe me had I known the shit storm that would erupt and then tried to be blamed on THIS friggin' favor, I would have just stayed at the damn hotel! SERIOUSLY!! How the fuck can someone be so blind to reality????

This may be a good time to mention she is allegedly bipolar. I say allegedly because although the therapist has been dissed as completely incompetent in regards to her therapy apparently his diagnosis manages to be the gospel....She hasn't seen a therapist in years and even when she did it was half assed. At one point she almost agreed to go to the one that helped me but I honestly believe she doesn't want to be cured..which is consistent with people with bipolar, so maybe she truly is.

All I know is I have been there for her through a lot of shit and all I need to do is miss one phone call and apparently all of the times I have been there for her are forgotten. But then it does seem quite apparent she doesn't have much of a memory.

Part of me is kind of glad she gave a half ass apology and then showed her true colors...that she is still really angry and really petty..because the last 3 months without any phone calls..hearing about how shitty her boyfriend is, how horrible her kids are and how her job sucks, well, frankly, it's been rather pleasant. 

She is engaged again and it only shows that there are lots of lonely people in the world that will put up with a lot just to not be alone. I am NOT one of those people and I am ready to acknowledge that just because you are related to someone does not mean you have to like them or even put up with their shit!

Consider the towel thrown in...with no regrets...I tried, I really did.

1 comment:

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