I am feeling more confident that this lunatic won't be President, so I have been having fun coming up with my very own conspiracy theories (defined by me as a theory too insane to think that anyone would actually believe it).
This post isn't to sway your views or tell you why the man has no right to even be a Presidential nominee let alone a President, it's just pure fun (defined by me right now as making jokes at Trump supporters expense).
What got me thinking was Michael Moore's recent "letter" about how Trump never intended to be President or make it this far and how he is now desperately trying to prove he's too insane to lead by doubling down every week (day?) with something more outrageous than his last comment. It really is worth the time to read, you should look it up, I am too lazy to provide a link! Only problem is that his supporters have swallowed so much kool aid they can't think straight and continue to defend his bullshit.
I believe the man is too vain to quit, he knows he'd be called a quitter for years (not that that has hurt Palin) and besides never wanting to be President, he really doesn't want to be a loser (too late there, my friend) so he is trying so hard to get thrown out of the race (asking gun lovers to take care of Hillary, surely THAT would get him thrown out, if not locked up, but alas, it wasn't enough).
So my crazy idea is that maybe Trump is a Chris Hansen (you know, the dude who does To Catch a Predator) of sorts....he's bait for the racists and hate mongers in our country and in an effort to "cleanse" our society of these vile beings and in what would be an ironic twist to them wanting everyone who isn't like them (white men, mostly) thrown out of the country or banned from being let in...THEY would be the ones tossed out. Once the rock is turned over and these scumbag bigots are exposed--BAM...put a net around them and lock them up! Wouldn't that be great? Cops at rallies rounding these people up? But if this is the plan, what in the hell are they waiting for? I am pretty sure anyone who wants to be on the Trump train is already there, he isn't going to be getting any more supporters, if anything some may finally be coming to their senses..so it's time to execute part 2 of the plan...you have exposed them now get rid of them...ship them off to some remote island and let them fend for themselves. You see how angry they get at the rallies, it wouldn't take long at all for them to take care of the rest...killing each other for their differences or just because their rage no longer has an outlet.
In this conspiracy theory Trump could actually be seen as the hero...making America great, as promised, by taking out the trash, so we could all live freely and equally---imagine a country with no hate crime...that would be a great America!
Of course there's also my original conspiracy theory that many others have already brought up--the stuff in those deleted emails? Emails to Trump from Clinton asking him to run and thereby eviscerate the Republican party...whether Hillary was behind it or not seems to be irrelevant at this point because he is definitely succeeding at ruining the Republican party, possibly forever. The theory that those two are working together seems to be falling apart because for it to work, he has to at least seem like he's trying to win...at this point too many people agree he appears to having a meltdown.
It could also be Guiness Book of World Records largest prank ever..on a whole nation...America you have been PUNK"D! I am waiting for Ashton Kutcher to show up with Trump and they announce it was all a joke or maybe Trump is Joquain Phoenixing us...and any day he will stop talking like some sort of insane mad man trying to take over the world. There are so many possibilities that seem much more realistic than that America could have lost it's mind and nominated this fool because they actually want him for President.
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
Friday, July 8, 2016
How we live on $40k a year
I decided to blog about something to distract me from all of the gun violence and political garbage.
Something near and dear to my heart: living on what you make, no matter how little that may be.
I have lots of experience with this. My parents weren't rich. I wore hand me downs for all of my middle school years and can only recall one shopping trip for clothes to last my entire high school career. I paid for my own prom outfits and didn't get a driver's license until I was 21, because insurance and a car was something I would have to pay for. I also paid my way through college. All of it...and managed to escape with about $10,000 in student loans and a credit card balance around 2 or 3 thousand (not something even remotely possible now a days, which is why I believe something needs to be done to help out college students). After college my money woes disappeared. I graduated earning $50,000 my first year. I paid off all of my loans and purchased a house less than a year after graduation. I was frivolous with money for many years. I married a man making the same amount of money and our raises were substantial. I had a kid 4 years after graduation and began working part time. Together we were making $150k. Then I left him, easier to do with a career paying so much and allowing for a flexible schedule. I still spent a little more than I should, not worrying about having a savings account, although I did take advantage of the 401k plan offered by my employer.
Then 2008 hit. It terrified me. I looked at my bills and my earnings and my empty savings account. I watched my 401k drop 40%. I realized if I lost my job, I'd be worse off than in college. And my college days were still so vivid...lunch every day was a Snickers bar and Sprite (neither of which I could stand to eat once I graduated). Dinner was mostly 4 for $1 mac and cheese (funny how I still love mac n cheese!), with the occasional canned ham diced up into it (Grandma loved to send me care packages with canned ham!). I, literally, wrote down every single penny I spent. I had a spiral bound Virginia Slims calendar than my mom had given me that I wrote every single penny I spent or earned in it. (One thing I regret throwing away, I would love to peruse through that now). At one point I had 3 part time jobs while attending pharmacy school full time. I would be envious of my friends who could go to the food trucks to get hot teas on the cold winter days...I couldn't afford it...30 cents. I was angry that I had to live like this...blaming my parents, because all these other kids had a free ride paid for by theirs.. But I learned a lot from this. Most people pay no attention to the amount of money they spend or earn. I was always very conscious of it, even when spending frivolously. Once I graduated I never carried a credit card balance again (except on the rare occasion I got an interest free offer).
So 2008 was a wake up call. Ironically it made me STOP putting money in a 401k. I was angry that all of that money just disappeared and mourned the things it could have bought. On the other hand I realized I needed to start saving enough money to pay bills should I lose my job. I started researching and learning that you should always have enough money to cover at least 3 months expenses. I decided to get a credit line, figuring getting approved with a job would be much easier than without and would provide me with instant access to fairly low interest money should I need it and would cost me nothing if I didn't. We never ended up using the credit line, but it was comforting to know it was there. At this point in my life I hated my career as passionately as some people love theirs. The company I had been with for 12 years,since college, had gone bankrupt and after that point I was a job hopper, never finding bosses or a job that I could live with, until right before my retirement when I found the independent pharmacy that I ended my career at (by this point the stress of misfilling a prescription outweighed how nice my boss was or how much better an independent pharmacy was over a chain). During the entire time since I had left my first husband I had only worked full time for about a one year period...yes I could have worked more and saved more, but I really just could NOT.
Around this time we had decided Pennsylvania winters were too much and we knew we were going to move once my son graduated high school. Original ideas included South Carolina and then Florida. In Florida I would not be able to practice pharmacy without taking the boards again. I hated my job way too much to invest the time and energy and money needed to pass the boards. This actually gave me hope...made Florida more appealing. It was a great excuse to retire. But that meant living on less. My plan was to practice spending less now to see if we could survive on less. We were currently averaging about $100k/ year. We would use all of the money we saved to pay for our house with cash and the equity from our current home, thus having no big bills in our future life. No car payments, no mortgage. I did lots of math and it was a solid plan. In 5 years we saved a whole lot of money and were ready for the move. We had changed the place, but California is one of the only other states requiring you to take the boards again, so we still needed to be able to live on less. We bought in 2012, prices had started to go up but were still below what they are now, had we waited any longer, we would have a much smaller house. I had hoped to get more for our house in PA, so my math was off a bit. We didn't have enough to pay off the new house and still have savings, and with neither of us employed, we wanted to have plenty of money in case we couldn't find jobs. Turns out it took 4 months to find jobs, so waiting to pay down the mortgage was the right move. We have also since realized that perhaps living in a place where an earthquake could destroy your house, equity in your home isn't as valuable as money in the bank. So I readjusted our plans to include a mortgage payment.
Now this is where it's going to get personal. Some people don't like to discuss this stuff, I believe if I can help others see that living on less can be done then my transparency is useful and worthwhile...what's the big secret anyway? It should be obvious that working part time at a mall isn't bringing me a big paycheck!
The first full year of of us working here we made $39k. That was with me working about 20 hours a week and Dave working full time. We were able to pay all of our bills and have some spending money for things like small home improvements and airline tickets fro my son to visit and the occasional dinner, movie or concert. The second full year we made $44k. Again with me working 15-20 hours and Dave full time. This time we were able to SAVE money and still do all of the above things.
You may want to argue that we started out with saved money so our living expenses are lower. I don't know exactly what rent is in our area, but I do know that it is no more than what we pay for our mortgage, taxes and homeowners insurance...roughly $1300. Our cell phone bill is our most outrageous bill, as I am paying for my son while he is in college (he paid his own from 12-18)..it's about $170. We do not have car payments, but do pay car insurance(about 125/month). And, of course, the miscellaneous bills: water(20), gas(15-40), electric(100-200), internet(60) and food(400-500). We refuse to pay for cable, but do have Hulu and Amazon Prime. All of these expenses add up to about $2400/month. After taxes we made about $3400/month, if you divide our gross income by 12 and subtract taxes paid--but reality is, it is never that cut and dry. We, of course, have miscellaneous expenses, gas for the car, eating out occasionally, toiletries, hair cuts, pool chemicals, pet supplies and health insurance and donations to our favorite pet charities.. We both are paid bi weekly, mine varies from $300-500 and Dave's hovers around $1000, so on 4 week months, the reality is we earn around $2800. Luckily we have those few months that have 5 weeks to give us a little extra spending money....it is a must that I fly my son out here at least once a year! But still we manage to save...on just $40k a year. i acknowledge that raising a family on this would be difficult and that is why I advocate for a higher minimum wage and even more importantly requiring big companies to stop avoiding offering benefits by scheduling their employees just below the full time line. I also acknowledge that being single, as opposed to a couple, would be more difficult as well. It seems housing for one person isn't half of what it is for 2 or more, and that makes it very difficult for single people.
All those years of knowing where every penny went helped me learn to budget. I watch people I work with bitch about how poor they are...as they piss money away on buying lunch at work; soda and water from vending machines...call out, leave early and worst of all get payday loans to pay their rent (meanwhile spending money on cigarettes and in one case, a woman I work with is making payments on a $2800 vacuum (I think she may be exaggerating, but WHO makes payments on any vacuum when you can't pay your rent? Meanwhile she just started collecting welfare!!))...and I wonder if they are even aware of the amount of money they waste and how much more stress free their lives could be with just a little planning. It can be done. We are doing it. My parents even doubted that I knew what I was doing --moving here, giving up a high paying job. They don't believe it is possible to live comfortably, happily..on just $40k a year. We have done it...twice now....and probably this year too. I may end up working full time, so we may end up making more. And then we can afford to vacation again, but we both agree that living in paradise with stress free jobs hasn't left us with the need to get away, like when I was a miserable pharmacist, living in miserable weather. I don't feel like we have deprived ourselves of anything. Sure there are things that I wouldn't have hesitated to do or buy if I was still a pharmacist...I would have gone on the Rick Springfield trips the past 2 years, I wouldn't hesitate to return back East for my 30 year reunion and I would probably own a convertible blue BMW (with AC!!!!). But I wouldn't trade the peace and happiness I have for those things....not for one second.
And now you know how and why I do it...and that it can be done.
I didn't want to bore you with more specifics on what we do and don't consider necessities, but I think you can figure out that we have learned that THINGS just aren't that important..and a big way to learn how to not spend money, is to not shop! I still waste money because I am working at my favorite retailer, where I have shopped for probably 20 years, so it is very difficult to see clearance items and have coupons and my employee discount and NOT buy things, even though I don't need them. For example, I currently own about 10 bikinis...because they were $3 each!
I am constantly reassessing our budget, finding ways to eliminate waste. Like cable...we just don't watch that much TV to justify $60 more for cable. Once my son graduates college, we will be looking for a new cell plan...hoping to save about $1200 a year, and I will probably drop Amazon Prime, it just isn't as good as Hulu, for the shows we watch. The free shipping only lures me into buying things I don't need. We eliminated our pool guy, saving us $1300 a year (but now have pool chemical expenses, which are far less than that!). When you really look at where your money goes, you can decide what is and isn't really a necessity for you, we all have different needs...mine is to never be stuck in a job I hate ever again..making so little allows me the freedom to know I can quit at a moments notice because I still have my savings and I won't be losing much if I am out of work for a few months. I believe this adds to why I love my job so much, I am not a slave to it, I choose to be there.
Something near and dear to my heart: living on what you make, no matter how little that may be.
I have lots of experience with this. My parents weren't rich. I wore hand me downs for all of my middle school years and can only recall one shopping trip for clothes to last my entire high school career. I paid for my own prom outfits and didn't get a driver's license until I was 21, because insurance and a car was something I would have to pay for. I also paid my way through college. All of it...and managed to escape with about $10,000 in student loans and a credit card balance around 2 or 3 thousand (not something even remotely possible now a days, which is why I believe something needs to be done to help out college students). After college my money woes disappeared. I graduated earning $50,000 my first year. I paid off all of my loans and purchased a house less than a year after graduation. I was frivolous with money for many years. I married a man making the same amount of money and our raises were substantial. I had a kid 4 years after graduation and began working part time. Together we were making $150k. Then I left him, easier to do with a career paying so much and allowing for a flexible schedule. I still spent a little more than I should, not worrying about having a savings account, although I did take advantage of the 401k plan offered by my employer.
Then 2008 hit. It terrified me. I looked at my bills and my earnings and my empty savings account. I watched my 401k drop 40%. I realized if I lost my job, I'd be worse off than in college. And my college days were still so vivid...lunch every day was a Snickers bar and Sprite (neither of which I could stand to eat once I graduated). Dinner was mostly 4 for $1 mac and cheese (funny how I still love mac n cheese!), with the occasional canned ham diced up into it (Grandma loved to send me care packages with canned ham!). I, literally, wrote down every single penny I spent. I had a spiral bound Virginia Slims calendar than my mom had given me that I wrote every single penny I spent or earned in it. (One thing I regret throwing away, I would love to peruse through that now). At one point I had 3 part time jobs while attending pharmacy school full time. I would be envious of my friends who could go to the food trucks to get hot teas on the cold winter days...I couldn't afford it...30 cents. I was angry that I had to live like this...blaming my parents, because all these other kids had a free ride paid for by theirs.. But I learned a lot from this. Most people pay no attention to the amount of money they spend or earn. I was always very conscious of it, even when spending frivolously. Once I graduated I never carried a credit card balance again (except on the rare occasion I got an interest free offer).
So 2008 was a wake up call. Ironically it made me STOP putting money in a 401k. I was angry that all of that money just disappeared and mourned the things it could have bought. On the other hand I realized I needed to start saving enough money to pay bills should I lose my job. I started researching and learning that you should always have enough money to cover at least 3 months expenses. I decided to get a credit line, figuring getting approved with a job would be much easier than without and would provide me with instant access to fairly low interest money should I need it and would cost me nothing if I didn't. We never ended up using the credit line, but it was comforting to know it was there. At this point in my life I hated my career as passionately as some people love theirs. The company I had been with for 12 years,since college, had gone bankrupt and after that point I was a job hopper, never finding bosses or a job that I could live with, until right before my retirement when I found the independent pharmacy that I ended my career at (by this point the stress of misfilling a prescription outweighed how nice my boss was or how much better an independent pharmacy was over a chain). During the entire time since I had left my first husband I had only worked full time for about a one year period...yes I could have worked more and saved more, but I really just could NOT.
Around this time we had decided Pennsylvania winters were too much and we knew we were going to move once my son graduated high school. Original ideas included South Carolina and then Florida. In Florida I would not be able to practice pharmacy without taking the boards again. I hated my job way too much to invest the time and energy and money needed to pass the boards. This actually gave me hope...made Florida more appealing. It was a great excuse to retire. But that meant living on less. My plan was to practice spending less now to see if we could survive on less. We were currently averaging about $100k/ year. We would use all of the money we saved to pay for our house with cash and the equity from our current home, thus having no big bills in our future life. No car payments, no mortgage. I did lots of math and it was a solid plan. In 5 years we saved a whole lot of money and were ready for the move. We had changed the place, but California is one of the only other states requiring you to take the boards again, so we still needed to be able to live on less. We bought in 2012, prices had started to go up but were still below what they are now, had we waited any longer, we would have a much smaller house. I had hoped to get more for our house in PA, so my math was off a bit. We didn't have enough to pay off the new house and still have savings, and with neither of us employed, we wanted to have plenty of money in case we couldn't find jobs. Turns out it took 4 months to find jobs, so waiting to pay down the mortgage was the right move. We have also since realized that perhaps living in a place where an earthquake could destroy your house, equity in your home isn't as valuable as money in the bank. So I readjusted our plans to include a mortgage payment.
Now this is where it's going to get personal. Some people don't like to discuss this stuff, I believe if I can help others see that living on less can be done then my transparency is useful and worthwhile...what's the big secret anyway? It should be obvious that working part time at a mall isn't bringing me a big paycheck!
The first full year of of us working here we made $39k. That was with me working about 20 hours a week and Dave working full time. We were able to pay all of our bills and have some spending money for things like small home improvements and airline tickets fro my son to visit and the occasional dinner, movie or concert. The second full year we made $44k. Again with me working 15-20 hours and Dave full time. This time we were able to SAVE money and still do all of the above things.
You may want to argue that we started out with saved money so our living expenses are lower. I don't know exactly what rent is in our area, but I do know that it is no more than what we pay for our mortgage, taxes and homeowners insurance...roughly $1300. Our cell phone bill is our most outrageous bill, as I am paying for my son while he is in college (he paid his own from 12-18)..it's about $170. We do not have car payments, but do pay car insurance(about 125/month). And, of course, the miscellaneous bills: water(20), gas(15-40), electric(100-200), internet(60) and food(400-500). We refuse to pay for cable, but do have Hulu and Amazon Prime. All of these expenses add up to about $2400/month. After taxes we made about $3400/month, if you divide our gross income by 12 and subtract taxes paid--but reality is, it is never that cut and dry. We, of course, have miscellaneous expenses, gas for the car, eating out occasionally, toiletries, hair cuts, pool chemicals, pet supplies and health insurance and donations to our favorite pet charities.. We both are paid bi weekly, mine varies from $300-500 and Dave's hovers around $1000, so on 4 week months, the reality is we earn around $2800. Luckily we have those few months that have 5 weeks to give us a little extra spending money....it is a must that I fly my son out here at least once a year! But still we manage to save...on just $40k a year. i acknowledge that raising a family on this would be difficult and that is why I advocate for a higher minimum wage and even more importantly requiring big companies to stop avoiding offering benefits by scheduling their employees just below the full time line. I also acknowledge that being single, as opposed to a couple, would be more difficult as well. It seems housing for one person isn't half of what it is for 2 or more, and that makes it very difficult for single people.
All those years of knowing where every penny went helped me learn to budget. I watch people I work with bitch about how poor they are...as they piss money away on buying lunch at work; soda and water from vending machines...call out, leave early and worst of all get payday loans to pay their rent (meanwhile spending money on cigarettes and in one case, a woman I work with is making payments on a $2800 vacuum (I think she may be exaggerating, but WHO makes payments on any vacuum when you can't pay your rent? Meanwhile she just started collecting welfare!!))...and I wonder if they are even aware of the amount of money they waste and how much more stress free their lives could be with just a little planning. It can be done. We are doing it. My parents even doubted that I knew what I was doing --moving here, giving up a high paying job. They don't believe it is possible to live comfortably, happily..on just $40k a year. We have done it...twice now....and probably this year too. I may end up working full time, so we may end up making more. And then we can afford to vacation again, but we both agree that living in paradise with stress free jobs hasn't left us with the need to get away, like when I was a miserable pharmacist, living in miserable weather. I don't feel like we have deprived ourselves of anything. Sure there are things that I wouldn't have hesitated to do or buy if I was still a pharmacist...I would have gone on the Rick Springfield trips the past 2 years, I wouldn't hesitate to return back East for my 30 year reunion and I would probably own a convertible blue BMW (with AC!!!!). But I wouldn't trade the peace and happiness I have for those things....not for one second.
And now you know how and why I do it...and that it can be done.
I didn't want to bore you with more specifics on what we do and don't consider necessities, but I think you can figure out that we have learned that THINGS just aren't that important..and a big way to learn how to not spend money, is to not shop! I still waste money because I am working at my favorite retailer, where I have shopped for probably 20 years, so it is very difficult to see clearance items and have coupons and my employee discount and NOT buy things, even though I don't need them. For example, I currently own about 10 bikinis...because they were $3 each!
I am constantly reassessing our budget, finding ways to eliminate waste. Like cable...we just don't watch that much TV to justify $60 more for cable. Once my son graduates college, we will be looking for a new cell plan...hoping to save about $1200 a year, and I will probably drop Amazon Prime, it just isn't as good as Hulu, for the shows we watch. The free shipping only lures me into buying things I don't need. We eliminated our pool guy, saving us $1300 a year (but now have pool chemical expenses, which are far less than that!). When you really look at where your money goes, you can decide what is and isn't really a necessity for you, we all have different needs...mine is to never be stuck in a job I hate ever again..making so little allows me the freedom to know I can quit at a moments notice because I still have my savings and I won't be losing much if I am out of work for a few months. I believe this adds to why I love my job so much, I am not a slave to it, I choose to be there.
Sunday, July 3, 2016
Here we go again...toddlers and guns
I am still angry from Orlando. We all should be. I felt a little better yesterday because my Governor (California) enacted some common sense gun laws, he didn't even wait for November, when some of them were going to be on the ballot for a public vote...how many lives did he save by not waiting? We will never know.
Meanwhile in Tennessee....another dead toddler. I can not even imagine taking my son to someone's house, a friend, a family member, a neighbor...and he ends up dead because of how they store their firearms. How does one live with that? The gun owner had signs in his yard proclaiming his home was protected by the 2nd amendment...who was protecting that child? Will he take these signs down now? Will he still be allowed to own a gun? Is he considered a responsible gun owner?
I want to know how these responsible gun owners think...what is their daily routine? Do they load up their guns every night at bedtime and keep them on a nightstand or under their pillow? Because if they don't--well how are they being protected? Do they think waking from sleep, when disturbed by the sound of a possible intruder that they will have time to go to their gun safe, unlock it and load their weapon before the intruder attacks? Because realistically don't they need to be loading that thing every night and then unloading, storing and locking it the next morning to be considered a responsible gun owner. If it's always just locked away then how is it defending them? Isn't it really just a trophy for them to pound their chests and say "Me, big, strong and scary, me own gun" if they aren't doing this?
I kind of feel sorry for people who think they need a gun to feel safe..note I don't say "be" safe..because all the statistics prove otherwise...I won't go into them, because I am too lazy to google them again. But I have seen them. It is extremely rare that a gun is actually used to stop an intruder, sure we all have that friend that has to post that one time when that one "good" guy stopped the bad guy...but they conveniently never post about the many, many times when accidents happen, or suicides or domestic disputes gone bad because a gun was in the home. They far outnumber that one time when a gun turned out to be a useful thing. How many toddlers have died this year or have shot themselves or someone else...last count I heard was 23, but that was a few weeks ago and apparently had grown by at least one. Back to why I feel sorry for these people who live such a paranoid life. They have spent years being terrified that someone was going to break into their home and they wouldn't be allowed to own a gun to defend themselves..so we have 2 problems here...they are worrying about someone denying their "right" to own a gun. I won't go into how the 2nd amendment doesn't actually say that an INDIVIDUAL is guaranteed to own a gun, because, it's irrelevant...the government isn't trying to take that away...they merely want some common sense laws to stop this insanity. Oh and your argument that criminals don't obey laws? Again...simply stupid....let's not have ANY laws then, mmkay? To not try to stop this insanity for that reason is just...well stupid.
So there's one fear debunked...onto the next..an intruder breaking into your home...again, not going to get into numbers..but it seems to me that most criminals don't want to be bothered with shooting you, they just want your stuff or maybe you think they are going to rape you...again breaking into homes to rape people is not the number one way rape is occurring. You are much more likely to raped in college and then denied that you were raped. And I am sure you are much more likely to be shot in a mall, movie theater, night club, school or just about anywhere outside of your home now than IN your home. Oh wait so now you want to argue about your right to carry a concealed weapon?? Again let's go to the facts...it seems these "good" guys are starting to think carrying means they can shoot shoplifters...that's not how America works...we have a justice system and shame on you if you want to scream about your 2nd amendment rights while denying everyone else their right to be innocent until proven guilty. So while you are trembling in your home afraid someone is going to deny you your right to own a gun so that you don't have to tremble in your home from the bad guys coming to get you...news flash...the bad guys are OUT there...and they are getting you...nearly every week now...a mass shooting every week...but still you want to do nothing. Standing on your arguments that criminals don't obey laws and that someone is trying to take your damn gun.
Well, the rest of us are done with that...we are done with the moments of silence, we are done with the prayers..California may become the first state to have tougher laws, but that isn't enough...people want to use Chicago as an example of how tough gun laws don't work...again making STUPID arguments (sorry but it's time to stop tiptoeing....if you can't see that one city's laws aren't enough, that people can go to another city, go to another state and then COME BACK to kill people...well you are, in fact, relying on stupid arguments). We need every state on board. 80-90% of Americans want reasonable gun laws, it's time for the rest of you to shut your paranoid mouths up...because one day there will be universal laws that exempt those with mental health problems from owning guns...and you and your paranoia may actually find your gun being taken away...as it should be...because paranoid people shouldn't own guns!
And I am not saying that stricter gun laws alone will fix the problem we have with mass shootings and toddler shootings, we need to address the mental health problem. But we can do one thing while looking for solutions to the other. We have to start somewhere. Closing loopholes, getting rid of magazines that hold insane numbers of bullets, a gun registry, an ammunition registry...taking guns away from people who shouldn't have them (felons, domestic abusers, stalkers, people on the no fly list)...all of this can and should be done nationally. If you don't like it...feel like this is the Home of the Free and the Brave....well I don't feel very free or brave when wondering about whether a mass shooting will occur at the next concert I go to...or at the mall where I work...or at the movie theater I'm at...I want MY freedom back and if you aren't crazy or a criminal, this won't effect YOUR freedom at all. (and if you think I am paranoid for thinking these things....do you get a flu shot? Because right now, in our country, more people are being killed by guns than by the flu annually...think about that)
I edited my post to change the part where I called people stupid, I do my best to try not to call people names and when angry, I do fail on occasion. I stand by my assertion that the ARGUMENT is stupid, not the person making it, there are some extremely intelligent people trying desperately to cling to these arguments. which I believe are stupid based on statistics showing the argument to be baseless.
Meanwhile in Tennessee....another dead toddler. I can not even imagine taking my son to someone's house, a friend, a family member, a neighbor...and he ends up dead because of how they store their firearms. How does one live with that? The gun owner had signs in his yard proclaiming his home was protected by the 2nd amendment...who was protecting that child? Will he take these signs down now? Will he still be allowed to own a gun? Is he considered a responsible gun owner?
I want to know how these responsible gun owners think...what is their daily routine? Do they load up their guns every night at bedtime and keep them on a nightstand or under their pillow? Because if they don't--well how are they being protected? Do they think waking from sleep, when disturbed by the sound of a possible intruder that they will have time to go to their gun safe, unlock it and load their weapon before the intruder attacks? Because realistically don't they need to be loading that thing every night and then unloading, storing and locking it the next morning to be considered a responsible gun owner. If it's always just locked away then how is it defending them? Isn't it really just a trophy for them to pound their chests and say "Me, big, strong and scary, me own gun" if they aren't doing this?
I kind of feel sorry for people who think they need a gun to feel safe..note I don't say "be" safe..because all the statistics prove otherwise...I won't go into them, because I am too lazy to google them again. But I have seen them. It is extremely rare that a gun is actually used to stop an intruder, sure we all have that friend that has to post that one time when that one "good" guy stopped the bad guy...but they conveniently never post about the many, many times when accidents happen, or suicides or domestic disputes gone bad because a gun was in the home. They far outnumber that one time when a gun turned out to be a useful thing. How many toddlers have died this year or have shot themselves or someone else...last count I heard was 23, but that was a few weeks ago and apparently had grown by at least one. Back to why I feel sorry for these people who live such a paranoid life. They have spent years being terrified that someone was going to break into their home and they wouldn't be allowed to own a gun to defend themselves..so we have 2 problems here...they are worrying about someone denying their "right" to own a gun. I won't go into how the 2nd amendment doesn't actually say that an INDIVIDUAL is guaranteed to own a gun, because, it's irrelevant...the government isn't trying to take that away...they merely want some common sense laws to stop this insanity. Oh and your argument that criminals don't obey laws? Again...simply stupid....let's not have ANY laws then, mmkay? To not try to stop this insanity for that reason is just...well stupid.
So there's one fear debunked...onto the next..an intruder breaking into your home...again, not going to get into numbers..but it seems to me that most criminals don't want to be bothered with shooting you, they just want your stuff or maybe you think they are going to rape you...again breaking into homes to rape people is not the number one way rape is occurring. You are much more likely to raped in college and then denied that you were raped. And I am sure you are much more likely to be shot in a mall, movie theater, night club, school or just about anywhere outside of your home now than IN your home. Oh wait so now you want to argue about your right to carry a concealed weapon?? Again let's go to the facts...it seems these "good" guys are starting to think carrying means they can shoot shoplifters...that's not how America works...we have a justice system and shame on you if you want to scream about your 2nd amendment rights while denying everyone else their right to be innocent until proven guilty. So while you are trembling in your home afraid someone is going to deny you your right to own a gun so that you don't have to tremble in your home from the bad guys coming to get you...news flash...the bad guys are OUT there...and they are getting you...nearly every week now...a mass shooting every week...but still you want to do nothing. Standing on your arguments that criminals don't obey laws and that someone is trying to take your damn gun.
Well, the rest of us are done with that...we are done with the moments of silence, we are done with the prayers..California may become the first state to have tougher laws, but that isn't enough...people want to use Chicago as an example of how tough gun laws don't work...again making STUPID arguments (sorry but it's time to stop tiptoeing....if you can't see that one city's laws aren't enough, that people can go to another city, go to another state and then COME BACK to kill people...well you are, in fact, relying on stupid arguments). We need every state on board. 80-90% of Americans want reasonable gun laws, it's time for the rest of you to shut your paranoid mouths up...because one day there will be universal laws that exempt those with mental health problems from owning guns...and you and your paranoia may actually find your gun being taken away...as it should be...because paranoid people shouldn't own guns!
And I am not saying that stricter gun laws alone will fix the problem we have with mass shootings and toddler shootings, we need to address the mental health problem. But we can do one thing while looking for solutions to the other. We have to start somewhere. Closing loopholes, getting rid of magazines that hold insane numbers of bullets, a gun registry, an ammunition registry...taking guns away from people who shouldn't have them (felons, domestic abusers, stalkers, people on the no fly list)...all of this can and should be done nationally. If you don't like it...feel like this is the Home of the Free and the Brave....well I don't feel very free or brave when wondering about whether a mass shooting will occur at the next concert I go to...or at the mall where I work...or at the movie theater I'm at...I want MY freedom back and if you aren't crazy or a criminal, this won't effect YOUR freedom at all. (and if you think I am paranoid for thinking these things....do you get a flu shot? Because right now, in our country, more people are being killed by guns than by the flu annually...think about that)
I edited my post to change the part where I called people stupid, I do my best to try not to call people names and when angry, I do fail on occasion. I stand by my assertion that the ARGUMENT is stupid, not the person making it, there are some extremely intelligent people trying desperately to cling to these arguments. which I believe are stupid based on statistics showing the argument to be baseless.
Monday, June 6, 2016
Happy Anniversary!! (June 9th)
15 years of marriage, 20 years together.
I was never a big believer in monogamy, it seems unnatural. So many people cheat. So many divorces. It didn't stop me from getting married (twice, even!). I figured I would just hang in there as long as it lasted.
I came from a family with relatively few divorces, yet not marriages that I would call happy. Which is I suppose why I didn't believe in monogamy. I knew it could be done (or so it seemed, do we really know what is going on in someone else's relationship? People don't just advertise infidelities, especially ones that aren't caught). I just always looked at these relationships and thought "Nope, I wouldn't stay in THAT marriage." They were filled with...well, I guess, the couples just didn't seem content. They appeared to be together because that's what you do.....death do us part.
I refused to go along with that, probably why my first marriage didn't make it to our 3rd anniversary. Why did I get married then? Well, that is a blog in itself...but the short answer is...I didn't want to be alone and thought that he was my only option.
Then along comes my current hubby. Shaking up my beliefs about everything...marriage, getting older and yes even monogamy. When I met him, I was at a place in my life where I thought I was destined to be unhappy for the rest of my life. I didn't think about divorce, because I had a child to consider. But then I realized I didn't want my child growing up thinking my unhappy marriage was the way it was supposed to be, so I took the leap...and have never regretted it.
Our relationship has had it's trials, both before we got married and after...and even after we renewed our vows (WOW, that was FIVE years ago!). Marriage is not something that can be taken for granted, not if you want it to be happy.
It requires constant nourishment to flourish. Complacency is the death of a happy relationship. Complacency leads to infidelity. Never assume your spouse is happy...communicate constantly!
These are all lessons I have learned over the past 20 years. I have learned how to be a better partner. When we first met one thing my hubby said to me resonated more than anything else. .."I am going to take such good care of you" and for many years I let him, the problem was, I wasn't taking good care of him. It was so nice to be cherished, I hadn't realized that my walls were still up and while I let him take care of me, I wasn't letting him into my heart. I was still so scared of being hurt. Now we take care of each other. And that is how it is supposed to be.
Sure we have an occasional argument, mostly over stupid stuff (and honestly probably mostly due to my damn hormonal fluctuations...sometimes I just want to argue!). But we NEVER call each other names. There are lines that shouldn't be crossed and words that can't be unheard. When you love someone you dial back the need to lash out and hurt them, especially over stupid inane things.
When I would think of someone being in a relationship this long, I always thought they were there out of convenience, or habit. It was just easier to stay with the person you knew than to start all over. I truly didn't believe that there were people who still were IN love and still would chose to stay. I thought boredom will set in. Every year I am still amazed at how his smile can make my heart flutter, how much I still love the sound of his voice, how few quirks annoy me (of course there are some--I am human!)...but most of all how good our physical relationship still is. I love the touch of his lips, his caress. We hold hands when we watch TV. I WANT to be here with him...nowhere else...and I want that for the rest of my life. I want to be monogamous and it doesn't even feel unnatural. It isn't something I need to think about. I would do anything to preserve our relationship in it's current state and I will continue to "work" at this beautiful marriage we share.
Happy Anniversary, my love. I can't wait to write this blog again in 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30....more years!
I was never a big believer in monogamy, it seems unnatural. So many people cheat. So many divorces. It didn't stop me from getting married (twice, even!). I figured I would just hang in there as long as it lasted.
I came from a family with relatively few divorces, yet not marriages that I would call happy. Which is I suppose why I didn't believe in monogamy. I knew it could be done (or so it seemed, do we really know what is going on in someone else's relationship? People don't just advertise infidelities, especially ones that aren't caught). I just always looked at these relationships and thought "Nope, I wouldn't stay in THAT marriage." They were filled with...well, I guess, the couples just didn't seem content. They appeared to be together because that's what you do.....death do us part.
I refused to go along with that, probably why my first marriage didn't make it to our 3rd anniversary. Why did I get married then? Well, that is a blog in itself...but the short answer is...I didn't want to be alone and thought that he was my only option.
Then along comes my current hubby. Shaking up my beliefs about everything...marriage, getting older and yes even monogamy. When I met him, I was at a place in my life where I thought I was destined to be unhappy for the rest of my life. I didn't think about divorce, because I had a child to consider. But then I realized I didn't want my child growing up thinking my unhappy marriage was the way it was supposed to be, so I took the leap...and have never regretted it.
Our relationship has had it's trials, both before we got married and after...and even after we renewed our vows (WOW, that was FIVE years ago!). Marriage is not something that can be taken for granted, not if you want it to be happy.
It requires constant nourishment to flourish. Complacency is the death of a happy relationship. Complacency leads to infidelity. Never assume your spouse is happy...communicate constantly!
These are all lessons I have learned over the past 20 years. I have learned how to be a better partner. When we first met one thing my hubby said to me resonated more than anything else. .."I am going to take such good care of you" and for many years I let him, the problem was, I wasn't taking good care of him. It was so nice to be cherished, I hadn't realized that my walls were still up and while I let him take care of me, I wasn't letting him into my heart. I was still so scared of being hurt. Now we take care of each other. And that is how it is supposed to be.
Sure we have an occasional argument, mostly over stupid stuff (and honestly probably mostly due to my damn hormonal fluctuations...sometimes I just want to argue!). But we NEVER call each other names. There are lines that shouldn't be crossed and words that can't be unheard. When you love someone you dial back the need to lash out and hurt them, especially over stupid inane things.
When I would think of someone being in a relationship this long, I always thought they were there out of convenience, or habit. It was just easier to stay with the person you knew than to start all over. I truly didn't believe that there were people who still were IN love and still would chose to stay. I thought boredom will set in. Every year I am still amazed at how his smile can make my heart flutter, how much I still love the sound of his voice, how few quirks annoy me (of course there are some--I am human!)...but most of all how good our physical relationship still is. I love the touch of his lips, his caress. We hold hands when we watch TV. I WANT to be here with him...nowhere else...and I want that for the rest of my life. I want to be monogamous and it doesn't even feel unnatural. It isn't something I need to think about. I would do anything to preserve our relationship in it's current state and I will continue to "work" at this beautiful marriage we share.
Happy Anniversary, my love. I can't wait to write this blog again in 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30....more years!
Thursday, May 5, 2016
Hardest blog to write
This is hard for me to write because I hate what I have to say.
I hate that it has come to this.
We have had Sasha, our Moluccan cockatoo, for 14 years.
But that is just a tiny fraction of his life. He could live to be 80-100 years old.
Both my husband and I are avid animal lovers. We read posts of people giving away their beloved pets and can't comprehend how someone could give up a dog they have had for years, because their new apartment doesn't allow pets. We have judged. We are guilty of that.
I can make excuses for why it is different in our case, but they feel like excuses, even to me.
We didn't know his lifespan when we bought him. But we should have researched it...but we didn't. Should the pet store be required to inform you? I think so. Especially with cockatoos.
Cockatoos are loud. In fact I just saw a meme from the sanctuary that we hope will take Sasha. The Oasis Sanctuary. A 747 produces 140 decibels of noise. 105 can damage the human ear, the moluccan holds the record for loudest bird....at 135 decibels. Let that sink in.
We have not made this decision lightly. We have spent years trying to make this work. We have spent thousands and thousands of dollars trying to come up with solutions. We purchased this specific house because of the work shop in the back yard that would serve as an aviary. Allowing all of our birds to no longer be in cages.
We have considered spending thousands more to adapt it to make it sound proof. But is that for us? Or for Sasha? Because he screams for attention. He screams because he is unhappy. Is it far to shut him off from the world (not to mention the other birds who have to listen to him and will also be shut off from the outside) just to contain his noise? Does that help him? Or us?
How is that any different than locking him in a closet?
We spend a half hour nearly every day with the birds outside in a tree or bringing them into the house to spend time with us. Half an hour is not enough for Sasha. He is needy. He plucks his feathers. He is unhappy. We are unhappy. Our anxiety levels are through the roof when we sit outside, waiting, wondering if he will start screaming that. literally, ear piercing scream. Because he screams when we are around, when we aren't around. He has started screaming for hours on end sometimes. We worry that neighbors will complain. Fortunately (???) we have lots of barking dogs in our neighborhood, so people can't really complain. His screaming lasts 5 minutes at most but may be repeated every 5 minutes for hours...but only during waking hours (thankfully).
Is it fair to him to keep him in these living conditions? Would he not be better off in an outdoor sanctuary with other male cockatoos, free to roam and scream? Have we been selfish keeping him with us to the point that he has had to resort to this incessant screaming?
Has he always screamed? Yes. Even we lived in PA and he was in a very large (larger than any parrot cage you can picture...it was 8 feet long, 4 feet deep and 6 feet tall) cage, he screamed. We had French doors we could shut to discourage the screaming and slightly dampen the sound. That was part of the reason we wanted a separate living space for him. The dust, the noise and the ability to let them live without cages. But now he can't see us, feel part of the family. He hears us and screams for us. With all the windows shut (which we can''t do in the summer, because swamp coolers require a window to be open) and our slider door to the house shut, we can still hear him. Is this fair to our neighbors who may be out by their pool or who may want their windows open? This has gone on 3 years and gotten progressively worse. I can't stress enough, how much he is screaming now.
If we bring him in the house, he still screams unless you hold him. And when you hold him then he wants to run around, When he runs around, he tries to bite your feet. He needs constant attention.
Should we have to spend, literally, the rest of our lives dealing with this because we made an uneducated purchase?
We would like to downsize to a condo one day, maybe 10 years. That is not possible with Sasha, all of our other birds, yes. They can be in a condo. (We have 2 conures that can get loud but their life expectancy is only 25 years).
I have felt this way for a few years. My husband has been resistant. Sasha is his baby. Sasha calls him "Daddy". But even my husband is at his wit's end. He can't work 40 hour weeks and keep this bird happy.
I have been donating money to The Oasis for many years, knowing one day Sasha, and possibly our African Grey would outlive us. Hoping that the donations would secure a place for them.
We have now sent them an email, asking if we can relinquish Sasha now. It makes me so sad. I have cried. And second guessed myself. And then he starts screaming and I know it is inevitable. He can not fly and he is clumsy, I have secretly (and not so secretly) hoped for a fall that will quickly, painlessly relieve us all. This makes me feel like a horrible person. We truly believe that we can not do anything else to make this work.
We absolutely can not sell him or give him to someone else. We believe (perhaps self righteously) that if WE can't handle him, no one can. There is a local sanctuary that would take him, literally 5 minutes away. But he would be in a cage. And this sanctuary is very new,less than 10 years old.
The Oasis is a 6 1/2 hour drive, but they are huge, they have been around for a long time, they have plans to maintain their financial security and their birds are not kept in cages, but in large flight cages.
We have given this so much thought and yet it is still so difficult to even admit that this may happen.
How hard will that drive be? How hard will it be to leave him there?
Is it the right thing to do??
I do believe he has to be happier there. I know he is not happy here.
Please research any animal you are considering for a pet, don't put yourself in a predicament like this.
I hate that it has come to this.
We have had Sasha, our Moluccan cockatoo, for 14 years.
But that is just a tiny fraction of his life. He could live to be 80-100 years old.
Both my husband and I are avid animal lovers. We read posts of people giving away their beloved pets and can't comprehend how someone could give up a dog they have had for years, because their new apartment doesn't allow pets. We have judged. We are guilty of that.
I can make excuses for why it is different in our case, but they feel like excuses, even to me.
We didn't know his lifespan when we bought him. But we should have researched it...but we didn't. Should the pet store be required to inform you? I think so. Especially with cockatoos.
Cockatoos are loud. In fact I just saw a meme from the sanctuary that we hope will take Sasha. The Oasis Sanctuary. A 747 produces 140 decibels of noise. 105 can damage the human ear, the moluccan holds the record for loudest bird....at 135 decibels. Let that sink in.
We have not made this decision lightly. We have spent years trying to make this work. We have spent thousands and thousands of dollars trying to come up with solutions. We purchased this specific house because of the work shop in the back yard that would serve as an aviary. Allowing all of our birds to no longer be in cages.
We have considered spending thousands more to adapt it to make it sound proof. But is that for us? Or for Sasha? Because he screams for attention. He screams because he is unhappy. Is it far to shut him off from the world (not to mention the other birds who have to listen to him and will also be shut off from the outside) just to contain his noise? Does that help him? Or us?
How is that any different than locking him in a closet?
We spend a half hour nearly every day with the birds outside in a tree or bringing them into the house to spend time with us. Half an hour is not enough for Sasha. He is needy. He plucks his feathers. He is unhappy. We are unhappy. Our anxiety levels are through the roof when we sit outside, waiting, wondering if he will start screaming that. literally, ear piercing scream. Because he screams when we are around, when we aren't around. He has started screaming for hours on end sometimes. We worry that neighbors will complain. Fortunately (???) we have lots of barking dogs in our neighborhood, so people can't really complain. His screaming lasts 5 minutes at most but may be repeated every 5 minutes for hours...but only during waking hours (thankfully).
Is it fair to him to keep him in these living conditions? Would he not be better off in an outdoor sanctuary with other male cockatoos, free to roam and scream? Have we been selfish keeping him with us to the point that he has had to resort to this incessant screaming?
Has he always screamed? Yes. Even we lived in PA and he was in a very large (larger than any parrot cage you can picture...it was 8 feet long, 4 feet deep and 6 feet tall) cage, he screamed. We had French doors we could shut to discourage the screaming and slightly dampen the sound. That was part of the reason we wanted a separate living space for him. The dust, the noise and the ability to let them live without cages. But now he can't see us, feel part of the family. He hears us and screams for us. With all the windows shut (which we can''t do in the summer, because swamp coolers require a window to be open) and our slider door to the house shut, we can still hear him. Is this fair to our neighbors who may be out by their pool or who may want their windows open? This has gone on 3 years and gotten progressively worse. I can't stress enough, how much he is screaming now.
If we bring him in the house, he still screams unless you hold him. And when you hold him then he wants to run around, When he runs around, he tries to bite your feet. He needs constant attention.
Should we have to spend, literally, the rest of our lives dealing with this because we made an uneducated purchase?
We would like to downsize to a condo one day, maybe 10 years. That is not possible with Sasha, all of our other birds, yes. They can be in a condo. (We have 2 conures that can get loud but their life expectancy is only 25 years).
I have felt this way for a few years. My husband has been resistant. Sasha is his baby. Sasha calls him "Daddy". But even my husband is at his wit's end. He can't work 40 hour weeks and keep this bird happy.
I have been donating money to The Oasis for many years, knowing one day Sasha, and possibly our African Grey would outlive us. Hoping that the donations would secure a place for them.
We have now sent them an email, asking if we can relinquish Sasha now. It makes me so sad. I have cried. And second guessed myself. And then he starts screaming and I know it is inevitable. He can not fly and he is clumsy, I have secretly (and not so secretly) hoped for a fall that will quickly, painlessly relieve us all. This makes me feel like a horrible person. We truly believe that we can not do anything else to make this work.
We absolutely can not sell him or give him to someone else. We believe (perhaps self righteously) that if WE can't handle him, no one can. There is a local sanctuary that would take him, literally 5 minutes away. But he would be in a cage. And this sanctuary is very new,less than 10 years old.
The Oasis is a 6 1/2 hour drive, but they are huge, they have been around for a long time, they have plans to maintain their financial security and their birds are not kept in cages, but in large flight cages.
We have given this so much thought and yet it is still so difficult to even admit that this may happen.
How hard will that drive be? How hard will it be to leave him there?
Is it the right thing to do??
I do believe he has to be happier there. I know he is not happy here.
Please research any animal you are considering for a pet, don't put yourself in a predicament like this.
Monday, February 15, 2016
Empathy a curse?
Sometimes I think empathy can be a curse. I wonder what it's like to be indifferent or ignorant of other people's problems. Or oblivious or whatever it is that makes people unable to see anything other that how something relates to them.
Normally I deal better with my thoughts but it seems when the hormones are raging full force, the overthinking, the not being able to let it go, really takes hold.
I get more frustrated, feel like there's no hope for humanity when they can't understand what seems so simple to me.
What's bugging me?
Racism, bigotry...and how some people refuse to acknowledge it's existence or that it is a huge problem that leads to so many more problems.
I don't know the numbers and I'm too lazy to google it and would it really matter? A lot of cops were killed this week...more than normal? I don't know. All I know is the backlash I see on facebook.
Don't get me wrong...it's horrible. Here's my issue...that to say anything other than it's horrible, is to be anticop somehow. And I'm not. I'm not anti much of anything...but I am anti bigotry.
This may piss some people off but hey I'm entitled to my opinion...hell, isn't that what society is all about anymore? Being entitled, being outraged by things....
I find bluelivesmatter even more offensive than alllivesmatter. Why? Well, I am not that great at expressing myself but I will try to explain.
Blacklivesmatter started because a group of people (black people) were outraged by what they were witnessing (an increase in police brutality towards black people). This outrage was directed at BAD cops, but some people can't admit that there are bad cops. They can't admit that black people are treated differently. So they make up excuses, they justify bad behavior, they try to throw statistics that are irrelevant to the simple fact that black people are treated differently. The blacklivesmatter is directed at one specific group of people: bad cops.
So it irritates me that people hijacked their justifiable outrage to say alllivesmatter...because it misses the point. No one ever said that all lives don't matter. This was to bring attention to a specific set of actions being committed against a specific group of people by a specific group of people. Alllivesmatter...who are we speaking about? ALL people? and who is doing something against ALL people that needs to have attention brought to it? And what is it that is being done? Am I explaining why this hashtag isn't a movement? It seems the only message to get from alllivesmatter is that blacklivesmatter is an unnecessary movement (which it isn't).
That brings us to bluelivesmatter...ok so here we have a specific group of people. That's a step in the right direction. What is happening to them? Yes, some have been killed recently, more than usual, I don't know and I bet you don't know, you just hear about it so now you think it's happening more often, but is it? Isn't dying in the line of duty something that can happen to any cop, any firefighter for that matter. It sucks but is it not new and it is not something that anyone who joins the force is unaware of. They chose to join knowing this. Onto the third portion of what makes blacklivesmatter different. There is a specific group of people that are doing harm to black lives. With bluelives, one could argue it's a specific group...criminals. But in the recent incidents the cops weren't targets, as much as simply victims. The Maryland cops didn't lose their lives because the homeless guy hated cops, he most likely would have shot anyone who had tried to have him leave the restaurant. Have I explained the difference yet?
For me, it feels like people are one not being very imaginative in trying to express their grief by picking a hashtag already being used and changing it a bit to express their anger over a group of tragedies, that while tragic are nothing like what the movement behind blacklivesmatter is representing. I feel like it is somehow trying to diminish the original use of the "livesmatter" just as allivesmatter did. Perhaps the original hashtag should have been more specific...stopcopsfromtakingblacklives....that couldn't have been hijacked and makes my point easier to see...stopcopsfromtakingalllives doesn't make sense, right? stopcriminalsfromtakingbluelives seems obvious right?
And it may seem silly to be irritated by a hashtag. But it's more what is represented by the thought. Are there people who think that there's a large group of people that think blue lives don't matter? Is there a KKK of people that just get together and discuss ways to kill cops...I'm going to guess no...or we'd know about it. Sure there are pockets of people who hate cops, probably don't care if they are killed. But is it on the scale of discrimination that affects black lives?
If Trump wasn't doing so well in the polls, I would probably also be able to let it slide that sure racism isn't dead but we've made progress. But to see his rallies and see the people there interviewed and expressing their hate filled viewpoints scares me. How many narrowminded people are still out there? Do we really want a President who is not only condoning their bigotted views but in agreement with them?
It bothers me so much that people don't think for themselves. Take the time and think...do YOU really believe that ALL (or even most) Mexicans are bad people? Muslims? Can you really not put yourself in their shoes to understand what it must feel like to be profiled at an airport? Do you really believe we need a wall on our border? Do you understand NONE of us came from here? We all have ancestors that started as immigrants (unless you happen to be a Native American reading this).
That's our society now...me, me, me. I don't care about anything but me. People want to think that free college isn't about them...they can't see it helps ALL of us--all they see if "Wait..am I going to pay more taxes?" Because they don't stop to think...they listen to what Fox tells them and they believe it.
Another thought no one wants to hear...the one in a million times a "good guy with a gun" saves the day is brought up as a shining example of why we don't need better gun regulation (as if the two are even related--better regulation doesn't mean the good guy won't still have his gun). I haven't heard anyone ponder how it is that a good guy(two good guys) with a gun ended up dead after confronting one bad guy with a gun...and these were TRAINED good guys with guns...it just isn't as simple as "own a gun and you are safe" ....there are so many more instances of more guns not being the solution but let's not have any outrage pointed in that direction.
I watched Straight Outta Compton and have a feeling that I got a little more out of it than was even intended. I was left wondering about Compton. Wondering if instead of spending trillions on a war started on a lie if we had spent some of that money trying to fix communities like this, would it be possible? Do we just ignore the problem because they are black communities or is it because they are poor communities? Do we think it's a waste to spend resources there? Do we forget there are talented people being born there, not just musicians, actors and athletes but business leaders, doctors....what if the next Einstein is slipping through the cracks because of where they were born?
We see what happened in Flint--communities ignored until something really outrageous happens..but why aren't we outraged just by the crime and poverty that exists. Why do we throw up our hands in defeat, saying gangs own that neighborhood?
I was going to blog about the ridiculousness of the time, passion and money spent on the Super Bowl and that was before I watched the movie. My point was to be what if we were proud of our cities because of how successful our schools were or how they handle homelessness instead of how successful our sports teams are? What if we spent some of our free time volunteering instead of watching a bunch of grown men get paid millions to entertain us for a few hours? (and yes I volunteer, so I feel I can call on others to do the same).
Yes, I am a dreamer.....but wouldn't it be nice? Wouldn't the world be a little better if we all tried to truly imagine how it feels to be in someone else's shoes?
Or is it better to just live life not worrying a damn bit about anything outside your own little world? Empathy --a curse?
Normally I deal better with my thoughts but it seems when the hormones are raging full force, the overthinking, the not being able to let it go, really takes hold.
I get more frustrated, feel like there's no hope for humanity when they can't understand what seems so simple to me.
What's bugging me?
Racism, bigotry...and how some people refuse to acknowledge it's existence or that it is a huge problem that leads to so many more problems.
I don't know the numbers and I'm too lazy to google it and would it really matter? A lot of cops were killed this week...more than normal? I don't know. All I know is the backlash I see on facebook.
Don't get me wrong...it's horrible. Here's my issue...that to say anything other than it's horrible, is to be anticop somehow. And I'm not. I'm not anti much of anything...but I am anti bigotry.
This may piss some people off but hey I'm entitled to my opinion...hell, isn't that what society is all about anymore? Being entitled, being outraged by things....
I find bluelivesmatter even more offensive than alllivesmatter. Why? Well, I am not that great at expressing myself but I will try to explain.
Blacklivesmatter started because a group of people (black people) were outraged by what they were witnessing (an increase in police brutality towards black people). This outrage was directed at BAD cops, but some people can't admit that there are bad cops. They can't admit that black people are treated differently. So they make up excuses, they justify bad behavior, they try to throw statistics that are irrelevant to the simple fact that black people are treated differently. The blacklivesmatter is directed at one specific group of people: bad cops.
So it irritates me that people hijacked their justifiable outrage to say alllivesmatter...because it misses the point. No one ever said that all lives don't matter. This was to bring attention to a specific set of actions being committed against a specific group of people by a specific group of people. Alllivesmatter...who are we speaking about? ALL people? and who is doing something against ALL people that needs to have attention brought to it? And what is it that is being done? Am I explaining why this hashtag isn't a movement? It seems the only message to get from alllivesmatter is that blacklivesmatter is an unnecessary movement (which it isn't).
That brings us to bluelivesmatter...ok so here we have a specific group of people. That's a step in the right direction. What is happening to them? Yes, some have been killed recently, more than usual, I don't know and I bet you don't know, you just hear about it so now you think it's happening more often, but is it? Isn't dying in the line of duty something that can happen to any cop, any firefighter for that matter. It sucks but is it not new and it is not something that anyone who joins the force is unaware of. They chose to join knowing this. Onto the third portion of what makes blacklivesmatter different. There is a specific group of people that are doing harm to black lives. With bluelives, one could argue it's a specific group...criminals. But in the recent incidents the cops weren't targets, as much as simply victims. The Maryland cops didn't lose their lives because the homeless guy hated cops, he most likely would have shot anyone who had tried to have him leave the restaurant. Have I explained the difference yet?
For me, it feels like people are one not being very imaginative in trying to express their grief by picking a hashtag already being used and changing it a bit to express their anger over a group of tragedies, that while tragic are nothing like what the movement behind blacklivesmatter is representing. I feel like it is somehow trying to diminish the original use of the "livesmatter" just as allivesmatter did. Perhaps the original hashtag should have been more specific...stopcopsfromtakingblacklives....that couldn't have been hijacked and makes my point easier to see...stopcopsfromtakingalllives doesn't make sense, right? stopcriminalsfromtakingbluelives seems obvious right?
And it may seem silly to be irritated by a hashtag. But it's more what is represented by the thought. Are there people who think that there's a large group of people that think blue lives don't matter? Is there a KKK of people that just get together and discuss ways to kill cops...I'm going to guess no...or we'd know about it. Sure there are pockets of people who hate cops, probably don't care if they are killed. But is it on the scale of discrimination that affects black lives?
If Trump wasn't doing so well in the polls, I would probably also be able to let it slide that sure racism isn't dead but we've made progress. But to see his rallies and see the people there interviewed and expressing their hate filled viewpoints scares me. How many narrowminded people are still out there? Do we really want a President who is not only condoning their bigotted views but in agreement with them?
It bothers me so much that people don't think for themselves. Take the time and think...do YOU really believe that ALL (or even most) Mexicans are bad people? Muslims? Can you really not put yourself in their shoes to understand what it must feel like to be profiled at an airport? Do you really believe we need a wall on our border? Do you understand NONE of us came from here? We all have ancestors that started as immigrants (unless you happen to be a Native American reading this).
That's our society now...me, me, me. I don't care about anything but me. People want to think that free college isn't about them...they can't see it helps ALL of us--all they see if "Wait..am I going to pay more taxes?" Because they don't stop to think...they listen to what Fox tells them and they believe it.
Another thought no one wants to hear...the one in a million times a "good guy with a gun" saves the day is brought up as a shining example of why we don't need better gun regulation (as if the two are even related--better regulation doesn't mean the good guy won't still have his gun). I haven't heard anyone ponder how it is that a good guy(two good guys) with a gun ended up dead after confronting one bad guy with a gun...and these were TRAINED good guys with guns...it just isn't as simple as "own a gun and you are safe" ....there are so many more instances of more guns not being the solution but let's not have any outrage pointed in that direction.
I watched Straight Outta Compton and have a feeling that I got a little more out of it than was even intended. I was left wondering about Compton. Wondering if instead of spending trillions on a war started on a lie if we had spent some of that money trying to fix communities like this, would it be possible? Do we just ignore the problem because they are black communities or is it because they are poor communities? Do we think it's a waste to spend resources there? Do we forget there are talented people being born there, not just musicians, actors and athletes but business leaders, doctors....what if the next Einstein is slipping through the cracks because of where they were born?
We see what happened in Flint--communities ignored until something really outrageous happens..but why aren't we outraged just by the crime and poverty that exists. Why do we throw up our hands in defeat, saying gangs own that neighborhood?
I was going to blog about the ridiculousness of the time, passion and money spent on the Super Bowl and that was before I watched the movie. My point was to be what if we were proud of our cities because of how successful our schools were or how they handle homelessness instead of how successful our sports teams are? What if we spent some of our free time volunteering instead of watching a bunch of grown men get paid millions to entertain us for a few hours? (and yes I volunteer, so I feel I can call on others to do the same).
Yes, I am a dreamer.....but wouldn't it be nice? Wouldn't the world be a little better if we all tried to truly imagine how it feels to be in someone else's shoes?
Or is it better to just live life not worrying a damn bit about anything outside your own little world? Empathy --a curse?
Sunday, January 31, 2016
I'm booored
Overthinking is probably one of my worst personality traits...is it even a trait? I don't know, but it's annoying and not just to me but to those around me. I certainly drive my hubby crazy with my brain concocting every imaginable scenario for the most innocuous events. I give meaning to every little thing...my own meaning.
I think I have found a cure..sort of....working. Specifically when I am "sizing and colorizing". It's hard to think when you brain is busy looking at tag sizes to put them in their proper order or even just folding stuff on tables or pretty much any of the other silly tasks I do at work. As long as my brain is kept occupied it can't create imaginary problems. This is why I play Candy Crush and Solitaire. I have to keep my brain busy until I can finally fall asleep. Sometimes it takes hours. I don't mind doing that at night to fall asleep but during the day it gets monotonous. I find myself sitting here going crazy...like now...he's at work, I'm off. I already napped for 2 hours, even though I really didn't need to. It's raining and cloudy, which never helps my mood. I planned on running today but just can't get motivated to get out there, I don't mind running in a drizzle, but it's kinda cold too. I could work out but now I have spent so many hours sitting here, all motivation is gone. I was going to play the piano, going to draw, but now I just don't want to do anything. I should have gone to the shelter to pet the kitties but ...well you get the idea....excuse after excuse to just sit here and that is why I am thinking about working full time. I can't remember the last time I worked full time....I'd say at least 10 years and I think it only lasted a year. Ever since my son was born I have never worked more than 30 hours for any length of time. Mainly because I HATED my job and I made enough money working part time that it didn't matter.
So now I like my job...I was working 3 days a week averaging 15-20 hours. I worked more during back to school and again at Christmas....and surprisingly I didn't get irritated. It's still retail but I don't hate it. I, of course, try to overanalyze why that is, but it doesn't really matter, does it? I don't dread working and even find it a release from dealing with my brain all day.
The opportunity for advancement has come and I thought I didn't want that either, I thought I just wanted to have as little responsibility as possible. I was equating more responsibility with increased stress, but I have come to see that I could actually (maybe) make a difference by helping to manage the store so my co workers would be held more accountable...and that is what stresses me out the most. Watching them get away with stuff because no one watches them. There's a few good workers and a bunch of slackers. And middle management turns a blind eye, sure they commend us good workers but nothing happens to the shitty ones. They repeatedly don't show up for work (without calling half the time), they take longer breaks than they should, constant bathroom (aka cigarette) breaks that they aren't entitled to, they stand around acting busy instead of just doing their job and some are downright rude (and I'm not even talking about to the customers! but to each other!). It creates bad morale which makes the good workers less inclined to do their jobs. With a little bit of presence from management this could be avoided, they know no one is watching and that even if they were nothing would happen, so why change?
My only worry is that I get promoted and my hands are tied and I can't do anything to fix the problems and then I get frustrated and then what? Do I step down? Do I quit? That's me overthinking again. I like what I do now but the past couple weeks I have been working more hours and it's kept my mind busy, the only way for more hours is a promotion....so.....the good news is, they weren't aware I was willing to work more (poor communication on all of our parts) so I have bought myself some time until the next promotion becomes available (I am told "Spring" --is that March? April?). So I will keep my eye out to see what these "new" positions entail and if they make a difference...and decide when the time arrives...it doesn't help in the short run with how to occupy myself with my free time....I guess for now I will read the pile of magazines that has been building up...I can still do that from my position on the sofa!
I contemplated binge watching Making a Murderer but I feel like that would just outrage me and I would like to remain calm...even if it means I remain unmotivated!
I think I have found a cure..sort of....working. Specifically when I am "sizing and colorizing". It's hard to think when you brain is busy looking at tag sizes to put them in their proper order or even just folding stuff on tables or pretty much any of the other silly tasks I do at work. As long as my brain is kept occupied it can't create imaginary problems. This is why I play Candy Crush and Solitaire. I have to keep my brain busy until I can finally fall asleep. Sometimes it takes hours. I don't mind doing that at night to fall asleep but during the day it gets monotonous. I find myself sitting here going crazy...like now...he's at work, I'm off. I already napped for 2 hours, even though I really didn't need to. It's raining and cloudy, which never helps my mood. I planned on running today but just can't get motivated to get out there, I don't mind running in a drizzle, but it's kinda cold too. I could work out but now I have spent so many hours sitting here, all motivation is gone. I was going to play the piano, going to draw, but now I just don't want to do anything. I should have gone to the shelter to pet the kitties but ...well you get the idea....excuse after excuse to just sit here and that is why I am thinking about working full time. I can't remember the last time I worked full time....I'd say at least 10 years and I think it only lasted a year. Ever since my son was born I have never worked more than 30 hours for any length of time. Mainly because I HATED my job and I made enough money working part time that it didn't matter.
So now I like my job...I was working 3 days a week averaging 15-20 hours. I worked more during back to school and again at Christmas....and surprisingly I didn't get irritated. It's still retail but I don't hate it. I, of course, try to overanalyze why that is, but it doesn't really matter, does it? I don't dread working and even find it a release from dealing with my brain all day.
The opportunity for advancement has come and I thought I didn't want that either, I thought I just wanted to have as little responsibility as possible. I was equating more responsibility with increased stress, but I have come to see that I could actually (maybe) make a difference by helping to manage the store so my co workers would be held more accountable...and that is what stresses me out the most. Watching them get away with stuff because no one watches them. There's a few good workers and a bunch of slackers. And middle management turns a blind eye, sure they commend us good workers but nothing happens to the shitty ones. They repeatedly don't show up for work (without calling half the time), they take longer breaks than they should, constant bathroom (aka cigarette) breaks that they aren't entitled to, they stand around acting busy instead of just doing their job and some are downright rude (and I'm not even talking about to the customers! but to each other!). It creates bad morale which makes the good workers less inclined to do their jobs. With a little bit of presence from management this could be avoided, they know no one is watching and that even if they were nothing would happen, so why change?
My only worry is that I get promoted and my hands are tied and I can't do anything to fix the problems and then I get frustrated and then what? Do I step down? Do I quit? That's me overthinking again. I like what I do now but the past couple weeks I have been working more hours and it's kept my mind busy, the only way for more hours is a promotion....so.....the good news is, they weren't aware I was willing to work more (poor communication on all of our parts) so I have bought myself some time until the next promotion becomes available (I am told "Spring" --is that March? April?). So I will keep my eye out to see what these "new" positions entail and if they make a difference...and decide when the time arrives...it doesn't help in the short run with how to occupy myself with my free time....I guess for now I will read the pile of magazines that has been building up...I can still do that from my position on the sofa!
I contemplated binge watching Making a Murderer but I feel like that would just outrage me and I would like to remain calm...even if it means I remain unmotivated!
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