I'm booored

Overthinking is probably one of my worst personality traits...is it even a trait? I don't know, but it's annoying and not just to me but to those around me. I certainly drive my hubby crazy with my brain concocting every imaginable scenario for the most innocuous events. I give meaning to every little thing...my own meaning.

I think I have found a cure..sort of....working. Specifically when I am "sizing and colorizing". It's hard to think when you brain is busy looking at tag sizes to put them in their proper order or even just folding stuff on tables or pretty much any of the other silly tasks I do at work. As long as my brain is kept occupied it can't create imaginary problems. This is why I play Candy Crush and Solitaire. I have to keep my brain busy until I can finally fall asleep. Sometimes it takes hours. I don't mind doing that at night to fall asleep but during the day it gets monotonous. I find myself sitting here going crazy...like now...he's at work, I'm off. I already napped for 2 hours, even though I really didn't need to. It's raining and cloudy, which never helps my mood. I planned on running today but just can't get motivated to get out there, I don't mind running in a drizzle, but it's kinda cold too. I could work out but now I have spent so many hours sitting here, all motivation is gone. I was going to play the piano, going to draw, but now I just don't want to do anything. I should have gone to the shelter to pet the kitties but ...well you get the idea....excuse after excuse to just sit here and that is why I am thinking about working full time. I can't remember the last time I worked full time....I'd say at least 10 years and I think it only lasted a year. Ever since my son was born I have never worked more than 30 hours for any length of time. Mainly because I HATED my job and I made enough money working part time that it didn't matter.

So now I like my job...I was working 3 days a week averaging 15-20 hours. I worked more during back to school and again at Christmas....and surprisingly I didn't get irritated. It's still retail but I don't hate it. I, of course, try to overanalyze why that is, but it doesn't really matter, does it? I don't dread working and even find it a release from dealing with my brain all day.

The opportunity for advancement has come and I thought I didn't want that either, I thought I just wanted to have as little responsibility as possible. I was equating more responsibility with increased stress, but I have come to see that I could actually (maybe) make a difference by helping to manage the store so my co workers would be held more accountable...and that is what stresses me out the most. Watching them get away with stuff because no one watches them.  There's a few good workers and a bunch of slackers. And middle management turns a blind eye, sure they commend us good workers but nothing happens to the shitty ones. They repeatedly don't show up for work (without calling half the time), they take longer breaks than they should, constant bathroom (aka cigarette) breaks that they aren't entitled to, they stand around acting busy instead of just doing their job and some are downright rude (and I'm not even talking about to the customers! but to each other!). It creates bad morale which makes the good workers less inclined to do their jobs. With a little bit of presence from management this could be avoided, they know no one is watching and that even if they were nothing would happen, so why change?

My only worry is that I get promoted and my hands are tied and I can't do anything to fix the problems and then I get frustrated and then what? Do I step down? Do I quit? That's me overthinking again. I like what I do now but the past couple weeks I have been working more hours and it's kept my mind busy, the only way for more hours is a promotion....so.....the good news is, they weren't aware I was willing to work more (poor communication on all of our parts) so I have bought myself some time until the next promotion becomes available (I am told "Spring" --is that March? April?). So I will keep my eye out to see what these "new" positions entail and if they make a difference...and decide when the time arrives...it doesn't help in the short run with how to occupy myself with my free time....I guess for now I will read the pile of magazines that has been building up...I can still do that from my position on the sofa!

I contemplated binge watching Making a Murderer but I feel like that would just outrage me and I would like to remain calm...even if it means I remain unmotivated!