Hardest blog to write

This is hard for me to write because I hate what I have to say.
I hate that it has come to this.
We have had Sasha, our Moluccan cockatoo, for 14 years.

But that is just a tiny fraction of his life. He could live to be 80-100 years old.

Both my husband and I are avid animal lovers. We read posts of people giving away their beloved pets and can't comprehend how someone could give up a dog they have had for years, because their new apartment doesn't allow pets. We have judged. We are guilty of that.

I can make excuses for why it is different in our case, but they feel like excuses, even to me.

We didn't know his lifespan when we bought him. But we should have researched it...but we didn't. Should the pet store be required to inform you? I think so. Especially with cockatoos.
Cockatoos are loud. In fact I just saw a meme from the sanctuary that we hope will take Sasha. The Oasis Sanctuary. A 747 produces 140 decibels of noise. 105 can damage the human ear, the moluccan holds the record for loudest bird....at 135 decibels. Let that sink in.

We have not made this decision lightly. We have spent years trying to make this work. We have spent thousands and thousands of dollars trying to come up with solutions. We purchased this specific house because of the work shop in the back yard that would serve as an aviary. Allowing all of our birds to no longer be in cages.

We have considered spending thousands more to adapt it to make it sound proof. But is that for us? Or for Sasha? Because he screams for attention. He screams because he is unhappy. Is it far to shut him off from the world (not to mention the other birds who have to listen to him and will also be shut off from the outside) just to contain his noise? Does that help him? Or us?

How is that any different than locking him in a closet?

We spend a half hour nearly every day with the birds outside in a tree or bringing them into the house to spend time with us. Half an hour is not enough for Sasha. He is needy. He plucks his feathers. He is unhappy. We are unhappy. Our anxiety levels are through the roof when we sit outside, waiting, wondering if he will start screaming that. literally, ear piercing scream. Because he screams when we are around, when we aren't around. He has started screaming for hours on end sometimes. We worry that neighbors will complain. Fortunately (???) we have lots of barking dogs in our neighborhood, so people can't really complain. His screaming lasts 5 minutes at most but may be repeated every 5 minutes for hours...but only during waking hours (thankfully).

Is it fair to him to keep him in these living conditions? Would he not be better off in an outdoor sanctuary with other male cockatoos, free to roam and scream? Have we been selfish keeping him with us to the point that he has had to resort to this incessant screaming?

Has he always screamed? Yes. Even we lived in PA and he was in a very large (larger than any parrot cage you can picture...it was 8 feet long, 4 feet deep and 6 feet tall) cage, he screamed. We had French doors we could shut to discourage the screaming and slightly dampen the sound. That was part of the reason we wanted a separate living space for him. The dust, the noise and the ability to let them live without cages. But now he can't see us, feel part of the family. He hears us and screams for us. With all the windows shut (which we can''t do in the summer, because swamp coolers require a window to be open) and our slider door to the house shut, we can still hear him. Is this fair to our neighbors who may be out by their pool or who may want their windows open? This has gone on 3 years and gotten progressively worse. I can't stress enough, how much he is screaming now.

If we bring him in the house, he still screams unless you hold him. And when you hold him then he wants to run around, When he runs around, he tries to bite your feet. He needs constant attention.

Should we have to spend, literally, the rest of our lives dealing with this because we made an uneducated purchase?

We would like to downsize to a condo one day, maybe 10 years. That is not possible with Sasha, all of our other birds, yes. They can be in a condo. (We have 2 conures that can get loud but their life expectancy is only 25 years).

I have felt this way for a few years. My husband has been resistant. Sasha is his baby. Sasha calls him "Daddy". But even my husband is at his wit's end. He can't work 40 hour weeks and keep this bird happy.

I have been donating money to The Oasis for many years, knowing one day Sasha, and possibly our African Grey would outlive us. Hoping that the donations would secure a place for them.

We have now sent them an email, asking if we can relinquish Sasha now. It makes me so sad. I have cried. And second guessed myself. And then he starts screaming and I know it is inevitable. He can not fly and he is clumsy, I have secretly (and not so secretly) hoped for a fall that will quickly, painlessly relieve us all. This makes me feel like a horrible person. We truly believe that we can not do anything else to make this work.

We absolutely can not sell him or give him to someone else. We believe (perhaps self righteously) that if WE can't handle him, no one can. There is a local sanctuary that would take him, literally 5 minutes away. But he would be in a cage. And this sanctuary is very new,less than 10 years old.

The Oasis is a 6 1/2 hour drive, but they are huge, they have been around for a long time, they have plans to maintain their financial security and their birds are not kept in cages, but in large flight cages.

We have given this so much thought and yet it is still so difficult to even admit that this may happen.
How hard will that drive be? How hard will it be to leave him there?

Is it the right thing to do??

I do believe he has to be happier there. I know he is not happy here.

Please research any animal you are considering for a pet, don't put yourself in a predicament like this.