I know we aren't all good or all bad....I am sure there's a few exceptions to that rule, but sure for the most part I accept that. But that doesn't stop my mind from being blown when someone who I pegged on the mostly "good" side of the spectrum does something that is just so unnecessarily "bad".
I witnessed this recently and despite thinking that since the affair I have opened my eyes more to seeing who people truly are and that I can't be "fooled" anymore, I guess it's time to accept that I am a poor judge of people's character or perhaps I am not the only one being blindsided by people so frequently.
There's a person that I would have called a friend, despite really only having a work relationship. Before the pandemic I spent an hour every month doing Kid Zone with him. This meant we talked a lot in between kids showing up to do the craft of the month. He only participated because he had time in between clients, it wasn't something anyone really asked him to do, he just enjoyed it and I appreciated his help, especially because he's much more extroverted than I am.
He's also very generous. He loves to give out hand made gifts to people, especially at Christmas time but even year round he's always giving stuff out. He makes fragrances, hand sanitizer, etc and just gives them out. On Valentine's day he made cookies and also had a grab bag that he was letting associates pull gifts out of (including a single serve bottle of whiskey). I judged him as a the super friendly, sometimes naive (but that's a whole other story), generous guy.
And then he blew my mind. He told me the following story, with barely a trace of embarrassment, after I told him a story about finding a 20 dollar bill while walking in my neighborhood (and I mentioned that I almost didn't pick it up because I was so busy thinking about how upset someone must be to have lost a twenty that I walked right by it, until I realized there wasn't any reason for me to not pick it up).
So here's his story: he was at Home Depot in the garden department and an employee shared with him that she had just found a fifty dollar bill, she was really excited because her manager had told her that if no one claimed it in 30 days she could have it. I thought I knew where the story was going because the policy at my work is that if not claimed the money goes into a store fund to pay for pizza parties, etc. I just assumed he was impressed that Home Depot allowed the employee to keep the cash...but no.... he said and I quote "I thought to myself 'Could it be this easy?' " and I still wasn't really sure where he was headed... maybe you get it...but I didn't because this is a REALLY nice guy. He continues on to tell me he left the garden department ,went to his car ,called the store and asked if anyone had found his fifty, was told yes and where to claim it. Then he even says he felt a little bad but blamed her for sharing her story with a stranger. And all I could think was "WHO IS THIS PERSON?" How is it that people can still surprise me? Does this make him a bad person? Does it negate all of his niceness? I don't know but I sure do think differently about him now. In fact that same day he was the one "in charge" of the salon. When he was done cutting my hair I found out that they could only take cash because of some weird issue with him not being able to log in to a program on the cash register. I never carry cash and he said I could just pay next time I was in, but I wasn't scheduled for 2 weeks and didn't want that hanging over me. I was trying to get store management to help me be able to pay and after nearly 30 minutes I was finally able to pay. One of the employees asked me how they were handling people who were getting expensive treatments (hair dyes, perms, etc) I said I didn't know...and then on my way home I started to wonder if he was deliberately only accepting cash so he could skim money...and I never would have had that thought if it weren't for his Home Depot tale, added to the fact that he just had his wallet stolen and his bank account drained to only 30 bucks...all I know is I will never look at him the same.
I have been trying so hard to shed the cynicism I have had from years of dealing with people trying to pass fake prescriptions, coworkers stealing drugs and/or money and beginning to believe that the friendlier you are the more you are trying to be deceitful. That was my experience for most of my pharmacy career, the nicest technicians, the most talkative customers...they were always trying to hide their criminal behavior behind a charismatic front. I don't want to go back to doubting friendly people, I know there are good people whose "bad" behavior doesn't reach this level of "bad" but ugh when I get blindsided like this it's really hard to not be cynical.
And maybe it doesn't seem THAT bad to you...but to me it's so calculated and cold. To have the thought would be one thing but to follow through? And then blame the victim for being trusting...I guess that's where the real problem lies: I do not like people who violate the trust of anyone, but especially a "good" person-she could have kept that fifty and never given to management but she did the right thing and then he screwed her over for it. So, yeah, I now see him as an asshole and I question what else he is willing to do--would he steal from our company, a client, a coworker? Where is his line?
I'm still working out where my line is when I find out things like this about people, in the past I remained in relationships with people that did things that crossed the line because it felt judgy to end a relationship with someone who would do something I wouldn't even think of doing, I figured it was all part of the even good people do bad things and wasn't my place to do anything about it, but I know realize it's really hard to be friends with people who do things that aren't aligned with your values. This is a tough one because I don't know him well enough to know if this was one bad choice made because maybe he needed the money and justified it or if it's just a pattern of doing ethically questionable things so I think I'll be keeping my distance and certainly sharing less with him should we ever do Kid Zone's again.
I know this is probably the most random of my randomness but after just watching Inventing Anna and them glorifying her and treating her as something other than the con that she is, the timing was just too much for me. Society has to stop ignoring bad behavior because we "like" the person doing it. That's how we ended up with the former guy and look at the aftermath we have to deal with from that.
Really struggling for a title for this one... don't overthink it...so it's long..who cares!! Rambling title for a rambling blog!
No comments:
Post a Comment