Ok, I promised a post about sexual harassment, in response to Trump and his completely inappropriate language --he harasses AND assaults, I have only been the victim of harassment.
I'm so glad I named this blog with the word rambling, though I still feel the need to mention that I do realize I ramble...it's how I think...and just a couple days ago it was pointed out that I overthink...pffft, like I don't know that...I have overthought about it about a billion times!!
So I will try to not get off topic, but no promise.
In college I worked many jobs, one was at CVS. I was a pharmacy student, in my last year of school. I was 21. It was a busy store so there were 2 male pharmacists and 2 female pharmacists on staff. From what I remember, nearly all of the students working there were female. One of the students was dating one of the pharmacists. Both male pharmacists were young Italian males. Why mention they were Italian? The store was in South Philly and these guys were the exact stereotype of an Italian South Philly guy. They thought they were good looking (they were), they thought everyone wanted them (I suppose most did) and they had no problem treating women like shit.
I had hoped to be hired to work for CVS after I was done school, I was also working in a hospital pharmacy, but that didn't pay as well and I didn't like it as much. So I put up with the shit I got at work. I thought if I just sucked it up, one day I would be hired and would work at a different location and be done with these jerks. That is the "why" of why I didn't say anything.
My boyfriend was working at an independent pharmacy and knew he wouldn't be hired there so I got him a job at CVS. I had been working there over a year. The time came to announce who would be hired. There weren't spots for all of us. He got hired (even though he'd been there only a couple of months), the girl dating the pharmacist got hired (even though we all knew she wasn't the brightest or best worker) and an intern who had done a 6 week unpaid rotation through our store (her first and only experience in a retail setting) got hired (she flirted with the male pharmacists and was very pretty). It sounds like sour grapes (is that the expression?), maybe I just wasn't that good. But if that was the case, why not say anything for the year I had worked there and why tell me I could keep working there as a student even though I wouldn't be hired as a pharmacist?
Here's what I put up with, you judge if sexual harassment may have occurred.
Chris (yes that's his real name--I feel no need to protect him more than 25 years later) was a huge flirt. He had a girlfriend, I think they had even gotten engaged at some point. I had a boyfriend, also a south Philly Italian, though not even in the same ball park with looks as these 2 guys. My boyfriend had cheated on me for 8 months before I found out, so I was a little disgusted by a guy who would flirt so openly when we all knew he had a girlfriend, And don't be mistaken, I was a huge flirt, but he just rubbed me the wrong way and I wouldn't participate. Vinny (yup real name) wasn't as flirtatious, especially since he was dating a coworker, but he still made lewd comments or laughed at Chris'.
These are 2 of the more memorable incidents and by far the worse, but this shit happened every time I worked with them. It was witnessed by the female pharmacists, both who looked at me with sympathetic eyes, but ultimately did nothing to help me.
Both instances took place after months of me not playing their games, so I wasn't liked very much.
Once Chris was sitting in a chair and patted his lap for me to come sit in it. I must have looked at him like he was insane and just turned around and ignored him. He then told Vinny that he felt sorry for my boyfriend because I was obviously a "ice princess" (or something like that) in bed.
The worst incident was me standing at the counter, counting pills, and I hear Vinny and Chris giggling. I turn around and I have no idea why they are laughing but clearly it is at me. I glance over at one of the female pharmacists and she looks down at the floor beneath me. I look down and there is a mirror on the floor. I am wearing a skirt. I am sure they were too far away to actually see anything, they were merely doing it to HARASS me.
Again, I was young, not nearly as confident and mouthy as I am now, so I said nothing.
When I wasn't hired, I was pissed. How dare they hire everyone BUT me (yes, all senior students, plus the unpaid intern were hired, but there wasn't a position for ME!)...isn't that the very definition of sexual harassment?? So I requested a meeting with the district manager, this was a huge ballsy thing for me to do. I hate conflict and confrontation. When push came to shove, I muttered out some kind of "Why wasn't I hired?" I never mentioned Chris. I think I thought the DM would just say "Oh Chris said not to hire you" and then I would explain why I thought he didn't want me hired. I just didn't have the nerve to outright accuse him or mention why I thought I wasn't hired. It was a complete waste of time. I was told that I was welcome to stay on as a student the remaining 5 months until graduation. Even though I was poor and really needed the money, there was no fucking way I was going deal with Chris' bullshit when I knew I wasn't going to get a job there. I ended acquiring a couple thousand dollars in credit card debt because of that decision, but I don't regret it at all. My boyfriend took the job. I told him I was ok with it...but I wasn't, I felt betrayed. I felt like he should say Fuck them and get another job. I know it's petty, but seriously, you cheated on me and now you stole my job...would it have killed him to find a new one...he had 5 months to look.
So I didn't stop there, at the encouragement of my mother, I contacted NOW. I don't remember what that's stands for but it's some women's right group. When I called a man answered, I don't remember how much of the story I got out before he interrupted with a sports analogy, basically saying I was being a sore loser. This made me angrier and to this day I am not sure why a guy would work for a women's rights group and be so unsympathetic and such an asshole.
Over the years sexual harassment has been such a huge subject, and I think many things have gone too far. joking around and flirting isn't sexual harassment, unless your job is threatened or it makes you uncomfortable and you ask it to be stopped and no one stops it. To this day I still partake in sexually harassing type behavior. I had a boss who used to promise me massages for doing work related favors for him (covering a shift on my day off, stuff like that) He was joking, I joked back..no big deal. The problem is only if one of the parties involved (or even an observer) feels uncomfortable. I know that. What happened to me was exactly that. Except I never reported it, I am not even sure if I asked him to stop, I thought my job was safer if I kept quiet, I was wrong. I guess I should own my part in it. Let it go...and I have...except, you can bet your ass if I find out this douchebag ever runs for political office, I will be first in line with my accusation...even though I have no proof, even though I want nothing out of it. I don't want 15 minutes of fame, I don't want hush money...all I want is for an asshole not to be in a powerful position...hell it pissed me off when I saw his photo in a pharmacy journal as a district manager for duane reade. I wanted to contact them and ask if they realized they had a sexual harasser in that position and if they thought that was wise. But I didn't the effort wasn't worth it, but to keep him out of politics, Yes, yes it would be worth it.
So that is why I can understand why these women haven't come forward. Chris is an ass. But Chris isn't a billionaire who bullies and sues anyone who speaks against him, these women are brave for daring to come forward. There is no way they would piss that cheeto faced asshat off for any other reason than the truth.
It kills me that women still support him, hell defend him....I just can not can not can not....I just can't understand why???
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