So it's nearly 3 am ...which means I will be keeping this short...luck you! ;)
Driving home from work at about 10:10 pm..I was thinking about my choice. My choice to give up pharmacy. There was an ad for a full time pharmacist at CVS on the want ads that I sometimes peruse. Wrong for so many reasons A) CVS -- just another Walgreens clone...one is no better than the other B) full time? HAH I never was able to work full time in pharmacy retail and C) Thank God I am not licensed in California.
But it got me thinking...what IF I had my license. Someone constantly reminds me that I could work one shift and make twice what I make working 8 shifts at my current job. First of all, getting someone to hire you for 1 shift a week just doesn't happen in retail pharmacy anymore...there isn't a shortage, the demand is gone, you do what they want, no more calling the shots...which was the only reason I survived so many years, they constantly kissed my ass. But let's just pretend I could get that job....ONE shift every other week would pay more than 8 shifts in 2 weeks....that's a lot of time off....but guess what? I didn't even hesitate. Not one second of hesitation. THAT is how much I hated being a pharmacist and honestly, I don't even think I knew how much I hated it. I never realized that compromising my beliefs on a regular basis was really hurting me. I felt like a hypocrite every time I filled a cholesterol med or an antidepressant or any brand name drug that was a copycat of an older drug available generically. I did it robotically, so I could distance myself from what I was doing. But it was killing my soul.
I can not imagine ever standing behind that counter again. I have tried. My morbid mind has posed scenarios in which Dave dies and I move back East and do it again...and I die inside just thinking about it. I will never move back there...never say never....well I am saying it...NEVER! That is how much this place feels right. I absolutely love the weather here. I love the beauty here. I used to think of the word desert and think deserted, abandoned, ugly. The desert is beautiful in so many ways. And I love not living in a rural area anymore. I never realized how isolated we were, it seemed peaceful. But I find peace here, watching the palm trees sway, watching the stars at night. And I am not a million miles from restaurants, malls, movie theaters....life!
But more importantly than never moving back...I will never, ever, dispense drugs again. I love folding towels, stocking blenders....it's almost as nice as shoveling goat shit at that little local zoo. There's people interaction, I thought that would be a problem, but it's not. Most people are rather friendly and the jerks, they just don't stick with me like they did when I was a pharmacist. I don't know if it's because their anger is directed at the company, I get "I know why this place isn't doing well...insert stupid dumbass reason here", whereas as a pharmacist it was always personal...like I was the one determining their copay or it was my fault that their doctor hadn't called back on a script I couldn't read. Or maybe it's because I make so little money that I know I could just tell them to fuck off and walk off the job and it wouldn't wreck me financially, whereas as a pharmacist, I would be taking a huge pay cut to just walk off the job. Hell one week out of work would be more than I make in a month now....being out of work wouldn't mean no eating out...it would have been financial devastation!
Oops this was supposed to be short....I was hoping it would make me sleepy...
I just wanted to put it out there that there is no doubt in my mind that I did the right thing and no doubt I would ever screw up my happy, optimistic new self by going back.
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