Christmas and religion and money

When a customer is an asshole during the rest of the year, it seems a bit more acceptable. When they are an asshole during holiday shopping season, it's kind of ironic. First of all, you have to be an idiot to think you can shop this time of year and not wait in lines and secondly step back and think about what you are shopping for....I assume the whole gift exchange started because of the wise men giving Jesus gifts. So while you are out shopping to, supposedly, celebrate the birth of your savior, you act in a very unChristian like way and don't see the irony in that??

Of course that is supposing that Christian is defined as being loving, good, caring...you know all those nice things we like to consider Christians, but, in this day and age, perhaps we need to redefine what it means to be Christian. It seems to me the loudest, most outspoken Christians are anything but that. They cherry pick what they want from the Bible and ignore what seems to be the underlying messages.

My religious background would probably be considered weak by most. My dad was raised Catholic, my mom Lutheran. We barely, if ever (I have a horrible memory when if comes to my childhood), attended church. I recall one summer bible day camp like thing where I made a clay lion, don't recall any actual bible stuff being taught. I do feel like I knew a lot about the bible, so I guess my mom must have told me. I knew all the reasons for the seasons and all of the basic bible stories-the garden of eden, noah's ark, the chick who was turned to stone. I knew some quotes --judge not lest ye be judged, do unto others, etc.

In high school I dated a guy who was Presbyterian and I was kinda into going to church with him. That's when my eyes first started being opened to the hypocrisy that seems to go hand in hand with religious folks. His mom judged the shit out of me. I felt like a heathen, which pissed me off, because how is it MY fault I didn't attend church? As a kid I'd have to rely on my parents to get me to church, so why blame me? His parents were pretty active in the church, they sang in the choir and participated in other activities, like running Sunday school class. Their pastor was relatively new to their church and they judged him too. I thought he was great, he was fairly young and full of energy, but they didn't like change. They also fell asleep...a lot...during the services. I thought it was really rude. How naive am I? To think perhaps God might find it offensive to come to his house to worship, but instead sleep...all while judging those who don't go to church...but what did a heathen like me know?

In college I met my first practicing Catholic, my freshman roommate. Another eye opening experience. She lied on her dorm app about smoking, so I was stuck with a smoking roommate and I hated the smell of smoke. She was pledging a fraternity and I walked in on her fucking her "little brother" -she threw a pillow at me and told me to go sleep in the lounge..oh did I forget to mention she had a fiance back home? I also discovered a receipt for an abortion she had...I was learning fast about hypocrisy.

At pharmacy school I started dating a Catholic. At first I really liked the idea of the Catholic church. I liked that you weren't expected to dress up, I always thought it was lunacy that God would care WHAT you wore to church, but not whether you slept through the sermon. I also liked that their sermons were all planned out in the book that was kept in the pew (I'm sure there's a name for it, but I never learned it). My boyfriend was an altar boy and also did readings some Sundays, we also walked some neighborhoods collecting envelopes full of money. His father was murdered a few years before I met him and a priest had kind of attached himself to their family. I really tried to like the guy, but the creep vibe was so strong. He showered my boyfriend with expensive gifts, that I felt were inappropriate and I could never get over the feeling that something weird was going on between his mom and the priest too. I learned more about hypocrisy from them. She judged me just as hard as my first boyfriend's mom had. She didn't know her son was a cheating womanizer, who had fucked many girls and even gotten one pregnant (another Catholic girl getting an abortion--how's that abstinence education working for ya?). (don't get me wrong, I am pro choice, but the hypocrisy of how "good" these kids are because they were raised with a church background...ughh!). His mom taught elementary school in a public school in Philadelphia, it was mostly, if not all, black students. The conversations the priest, her and my boyfriend had were appalling--the one example I remember is referring to them as cockroaches. I was not as outspoken then as am I now and had really low self esteem, that's the only reason I can think of that I wouldn't have run from such a blatantly racist person. I justified it because of his dad's murder, it was black men who robbed and murdered his dad. I also thought I would rub off on him, make him see that the actions of a few weren't reflective of all black people.

So there's my background...oh and during college, I read the bible, almost every night I would read it. I nearly finished it (skipping some psalms, they started to get really repetitive) I made it to Revelations but never quite finished it. I don't know what prompted me to want to read it, I had read The Good Book in high school and wanted to read the real deal, again I don't know why. Searching for something, I suppose.

Fast forward to having a kid. I was ok with raising him Catholic, hoping to avoid raising a hypocritical one, I realize not all religious people are judgemental assholes, preaching one thing while practicing the opposite. I separated from his Dad when he was only one, upto that point we hadn't taken him to church, other than to baptize him. After the separation, his dad met a woman who is Greek Orthodox and that is the church they went to most often. At the appropriate age, he started CCD. He never really liked it but the last year was the worst, he ended up behaving so badly that my ex let him quit just weeks before he would have been done. This really pissed the priest off and probably to my ex's relief, pretty much ended that relationship. When I spoke with my son, his reasons seemed valid. He found the church to not be accepting and noticed the hypocrisy, even at his young age. His brother and sister were being raised Greek Orthodox and when they would attend the Catholic church weren't allowed to take communion, my son was upset that they were excluded.

My current husband is agnostic. He doesn't shout that from the rooftops and I don't think my son even knew. At 15 or 16, he started having conversations with me, trying to convince me that only naive, scared people believed in God. It was a crutch to make them feel better about death. I would argue with him, but he was a damn good debater. And I have to admit, he was starting to get to me. With all of my prior experience with those who consider themselves religious and with watching the news and the many stories of people discriminating in God's name, I started to question what I believed. I think he doesn't even consider himself agnostic, which bothers me a bit. At least my husband says "Give me proof and I will believe". My son is so confident that there is nothing to believe in. I still believe in something greater. But I don't define it anymore. I think the bible is a story, not much different than a greek myth. I believe there is something after death and I believe that the creator is a loving entity who will forgive those who don't believe. I believe he may even forgive those who do but don't practice what they preach. I'd like to believe that as long as you have a good heart that that matters more than what church you attend.

It's because of this I have a hard time even participating in Christmas anymore. Even the people who wholeheartedly participate don't do it for the right reasons. I think we have all been scammed by greedy corporations. They are the ones with everything to gain by commercializing the hell out of the holiday and everyone has fallen in line. People like to think that others are blinded along party lines, believing their candidate can do no wrong and meanwhile the corporations are blinding us all, democrats, republicans, 3rd party groups....we all fall in line to throw our money at things we don't need or want, to buy things for people, not caring if they want or need it...and we all end up with houses full of crap and maxed out credit cards while the corporations laugh and count their billions.

When you see someone being an asshole because they had to wait 10 minutes or 30 minutes in line to buy crap for someone who probably doesn't even want the crap or yelling at a sales person because we don't have any more of the crap left to sell...just think about God and what he thinks about how we are celebrating the birth of his son...or think about the creator who may not even have sent a son watching us act like animals, instead of just loving the lives we have and celebrating the friends and family we share it with...and then think about the 1%'ers laughing at how fucking stupid we are all, giving up Thanksgiving with our families so we can sell shit to people for a percent less than we would the following week, giving up our hard earned money to buy stuff we don't need or want, while they fly on their big ass planes to their big ass third homes to celebrate with shit they don't need, being assholes to the people who made it all possible for them to be 1%ers.

I know I sound bitter, I am not. It just saddens me to watch the hordes of people so completely brainwashed do this year after year, not ever questioning why they do it. Acting like I am the freak because I don't do it. If you step back and watch the madness, it can actually be kind of funny.


This year, with me working full time, I thought it would be nice to go back to exchanging presents with my hubby. The past few years we have been getting each other silly little things, not spending more than 50 bucks. I have been wracking my brain trying to think of something I want. But, the truth is, I have everything. Everything I need and everything I want. It's a simple realization that makes Christmas all the more enjoyable for me. To me Christmas is becoming another Thanksgiving, a time to realize how much I have and be thankful. It is nice to have a decorated tree to look at, so I will enjoy the holiday as a time to see beauty in lights and decorations. I hope you enjoy your Christmas in whatever way celebrating it makes it merry for you.....oh and cookies...Christmas will never be Christmas without cookies!! Merry Christmas everyone!!