The past few weeks I have been having some revelations. Nothing Earth shattering. Just kind of silly little thoughts that randomly pop in my head.
Driving home from work the other night, with the top down...in March...at 10 pm....I realized I haven't worn a coat in nearly 2 years...and I won't ever HAVE to wear one again. If I CHOSE to go somewhere cold, to ski...or if I am forced to visit the East in the winter. At this point, the cold is still too fresh in my mind, and just reading about the winter they have had this year...ughhhh....I can't even THINK about wanting to go somewhere cold on purpose, and I used to love skiing. It just, literally, gives me chills to think about it. I can't imagine being able to wear enough layers to not be cold....and I don't ever want to be that cold again....I had to wear long sleeves a couple times this winter while running and it would take 2 miles sometimes for my hands to not be cold. That is as cold as I ever want to be. So, out of the blue, realizing I hadn't put a coat on...that made me smile...and really happy! Don't get me wrong I have had to wear a light jacket, even as early as the end of October when we went for a night time walk to look at Halloween lights. And, of course, in December when we laid out to see the most amazing meteor shower ever. But a light jacket is a far cry from a stifling coat, gloves and scarf...with your face still half frozen off....no thank you.
This afternoon while laying outside, enjoying the warmth of the sun on my skin. temperature around 90. Not feeling hot, just feeling wonderful. I had the thought that during the whole process of deciding to move, once we figured out California was the destination, I had no fear. I am obsessive. I worry about everything. My only worry was related to selling the stupid PA house. I should have, looking back, been terrified of the "what if's". What if we didn't find jobs making enough money? What if we were really lonely and missed our friends and family (yes we miss them but not in a lonely kind of way)? What if we hated the summers? What if I regretted leaving Andrew behind? None of those things worried me. And that is bizarre. Like I said...I am a worrier...it is what I do best. I obsess. I think of all of the worst case scenarios. I didn't even THINK about earthquakes and for years I resisted Dave's desire to move to CA for the sole reason of fear of earthquakes. But once it was decide we wanted to live here, it wasn't even a distant thought in my mind.
The only thing that can explain this has to be the prospect of no more pharmacy. I was so focused on ending my career, I didn't worry that I wouldn't find a new one. Or that I would miss the money or any of the other things I should have been obsessing about. I just saw the light at the end of the tunnel and ran carelessly, willingly and blindly into it. Trusting that to end that career would solve any problem.
The craziest thing? I was right. I have had not one regret. Better than that.....I love it here. I love every single thing about here. And I accept things that aren't perfect, knowing that PA was far from perfect. I have yet to leave my house and not marvel at the beauty. Every single time. In a car, during a walk, during a run or just sitting in the back yard. I never get tired of the palm trees, the constant greenery, the mountain. The smells.
It's been nearly 2 years and it feels like I am home. Like this has always been home. I wish for everyone to feel this way about where they live.
We want to go back for a visit but we talk about it and neither one of us is ready to leave yet, even for a short time. There's still so much to see, so many weekend trips we could take, but we have no desire to leave. We felt our money was better spent fixing things up that we use every day, like the back yard and pool, painting the exterior of the house. We are almost done and maybe then we will consider a trip...or maybe because our paradise is a little more perfect, we really won't be able to tear ourselves away!
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