On the precipice

I'm right there... a few clicks away....from putting up a website to attempt to sell custom pet portraits. It is as far as I have ever come...researching prices even, what others charge for similar work, what it will cost to have a website...

I have run out of excuses...it will cost somewhere between 60-200 bucks for a year, depending on how much promotion I want the web host to do. It's a small price to pay to possibly make money doing something I enjoy.

Some of my fears include the obvious...no one buying anything... to the oh so wishful, getting too many orders and feeling overwhelmed and taking the joy out of drawing/painting. The thing is it isn't an all or nothing deal...I can say no to orders, if I get busy or raise my prices even...it isn't a lifelong commitment ...if I am unsuccessful or if I hate it? Well just shut the site down...simple right?

So why am I here blogging instead of doing? Because procrastination is a beautiful thing...my new excuse is that I should start when I have a couple days off in a row...don't want to pay for a month with a website under construction, I want it up and running ASAP... funny hunh?

I am off today...I don't work til the afternoon tomorrow and the next day...I could start this now...but I won't...but I will soon...I am closer then I have been but still on the precipice....

Here's a sample for those that don't know me....

I swear by the end of the month (March, that is) ....I will have a website up....unless, unless I come up with some good excuses....

More reflecting on the holocaust

After allowing the book to really sink in and thinking about how both it's author and the author of the book I am about to begin have died...I got to thinking...we already have people denying the holocaust, what happens when all of the survivors are gone? What are our children learning now in their history classes? I really don't remember learning much, if anything, about it. Is it because it is too horrific to teach? I think if I had learned the true horrors I would not have forgotten learning it. Was it just mentioned in passing when talking about the war? Did the numbers just seem to impossible to grasp?

It scares me to think of what could happen if the world forgets or even if those who deny it happened convince others it didn't.

I, like many others, think we (the US) get into conflicts that we shouldn't be involved in but how do we know what will evolve into something that we should stop. What is the magic number of people that it is ok to slaughter before we butt in? This is what makes me curious enough to learn more about why the world got involved, how they found out...today it is so easy to learn of atrocities committed elsewhere (and yet we still don't hear much about them because we are more concerned with Bieber drag racing).

It is just so unimaginable that so many people could be murdered and treated so horribly for so long. It is truly mind boggling. In this country we talk often about slavery, of which I also can't believe went on for so long without people realizing how wrong it was, but we don't talk about how we let so many people die during the Holocaust before intervening--what was the attitude of that era? Did we really think it not our place to get involved? And to make matters worse when we do refer to it, it is always about Hitler, not the victims. It really irritates me how casually he is compared to people we disagree with. I feel like it diminishes the reality of who he was and what he did. There will never be anyone comparable to him....unless we allow ourselves to deny or forget or diminish what he actually did.

Book review -- Survival in Auschwitz by Primo Levi

I can remember the first time I learned about the Holocaust. Or at least the first time it meant something real to me. I may have learned about it in a history class in middle or high school, but I have always hated history class. It was one of my worst subjects and I just couldn't retain anything once the test was over.

My Freshman year at Temple University I was required to take an English 101 class. I never minded English and it was nice to break up the Science and Math classes required for my PrePharm major. I never thought it would be the one class that would leave such a lasting impression.

It was here that I was introduced to Elie Wiesel's Night. A tiny book, but oh so powerful. That combined with the professor bringing in an actual survivor, tattoo and all....it is one memory that has stuck with me. To see that tattoo in person...to equate it with the story behind it. Even at the young age of 17, it was undeniably powerful. I could mock professors for stupid useless assignments but this got the respect it deserved. I don't know if my classmates reacted the same way, I can't imagine that they couldn't have.

I hadn't read much about the Holocaust after that. I didn't even see Schindler's List. I felt like I had heard enough of the horror. I didn't WANT to know more, it was so unfathomable.

A couple of years ago we went to Boston. There's a Holocaust memorial there. It is beautiful and unsettling at the same time. Just walking through it, I cried. It was "just" numbers etched on glass. Lots and lots of glass...so many numbers. Each of those numbers a victim. It is surreal. It immediately reminded me of the survivor I met. Still I didn't search for more info. I contemplated finally seeing Schindler's List but why?

So, here I am today. Most nights I have a few hours to myself because Dave has to go to bed early to get up at the crack of dawn. So I have been reading. Junk....James Patterson mostly (sorry James...). I read a couple of non fiction "intelligent" books (from NY Times current best seller list). I wanted to read less junk and more "important" stuff. I don't know how I ended up with some Holocaust books but I did.

Finally the Review ALREADY!

Ok, so it isn't so much a review as it is thoughts it evoked from me.

Survival in Auschwitz is another short book. Mr. Levi spent a year in a camp and could probably write volumes about it. But that isn't necessary. The horrors are so incomprehensible they are easily portrayed in few words. He writes not so much about what happened physically but mentally. As a reader you can't help but put yourself in his shoes and wonder if you could have survived. I think that is the hardest thing to understand...how they went on day after day believing that it(their suffering) would end (in a manner other than "the Chimney"). Where does the mind get the strength to hold onto hope? He speaks of those who didn't have that strength and they were the majority. They didn't last long. To survive you needed to learn to work the system, bartering, stealing and sometimes just dumb luck.

I read the book, knowing he survived--he wrote the book, after all! --- but still thinking, he is going to give up, he shouldn't survive (not because he didn't deserve to but because HOW could anyone survive??)...anxiously awaiting for him to be saved. There were 10 days from when the camp was abandoned until the Russians arrived...many died waiting, many died after being saved. The Germans took the "healthy" ones with them, leaving those too sick too travel behind. Some had diptheria, scarlet fever, dysentery. And somehow some DID survive.

He writes of the different levels of prisoner...some in charge of others and every bit as evil as the captors themselves. And, again, I wonder, especially being of German descent, what would I have done? I wonder how so many people could be convinced to exterminate others based on nationality or religion, hell, how can you be convinced to exterminate anyone, any living thing? How do people work at animal shelters that aren't "no kill"? I don't know if there are any books written from the other perspective...I imagine there are, although I can't imagine someone having the balls to do it any way other than anonymously...I would really like to understand HOW this could happen...and I would like to smack anyone that tries to compare anything to this....nothing has ever come close to this level of inhumanity and it is such an injustice to the victims and the survivors to ever even speak as if it could compare. How about we don't yell Fire in a crowded theater and we don't call people we disagree with Hitler...after that you can have your free speech.

The next book I have is Condemned Without Judgement: The Three Lives of a Holocaust Survivor. I didn't realize it but the author actually lived here, in the desert, until this past July when he passed away. After that I plan on reading about the war. How the world found out what was going on and when they decided to do something about it and how they finally stopped the Germans....I suppose I may have already learned all of that but I did mention that I hated History, right?

My husband asked "Why are you reading this depressing stuff?" Seems like a fair question....I don't think there is a simple answer. While James Patterson is entertaining, there are only so many ways to write crime/ murder mysteries...they are getting predictable. I could find another author but Vince Flynn died (far too young) and Dean Koontz has gotten weird and Stephen King is so wordy....so why not enlighten myself with non fiction. Why not become more well rounded---and anyone who knows me, knows I don't know much about history or geography or sports or....well let's tackle one thing at a time!

I am at a happy place in my life. I don't think it hurts to read about how people overcame adversity. I think there is lots to learn from them. I would love to share my secrets for finally having a mind at peace, for being content with all that I have and not needing or even wanting more. But I am honestly not sure how I got to this point. Maybe I can figure it out by reading their stories and then I can feel confident that my contentment will last...or at the very least it will reaffirm that I don't have anything to complain about, I have food, shelter, love and freedom...and so much more.

Biggest Loser thoughts

So I promised to blog about two things...but I am old and forgot one of them....the other was the recent finale of The Biggest Loser. So here is my two cents.

Before the finale aired my hubby had come across some stories of how previous winners had gone on liquid diets, spent time in saunas, etc to be at the lowest weight possible for the final weigh in. I get that there is a LOT of money on the line.....BUT.....the show is SUPPOSED to be about getting healthy (I realize the producers probably only care about ratings, but I do believe that Jillian and Bob sincerely enjoy helping people overcome the issues that brought about their weight problems.)

As usual, I don't have the answers. I do think there need to be some tweeks to figure out how to stop contestants from hurting themselves. Maybe more oversight while they are at home. Blood work done regularly should be able to detect dehydration or other detrimental things they do to themselves.

Rachel may have won the money but she was NOT the winner and probably really was THE Biggest loser...she seems to have replaced one unhealthy eating habit with another. She is 1 inch taller than me and over 20 pounds lighter than me....she is 24 and looks 10 years older. She seems to have some serious psychological issues. Maybe the show could have a psychologist in addition to the medical doctor.

Some argue that they, too, would do anything to win a quarter of a million dollars. But take a minute and really think about it....would you risk your LIFE for that? Would you be willing to spend who knows how much time trying to recover from a new eating disorder? It's not like you can really just put the weight back on and bam you are healthy....that kind of loss does damage to your heart...mentally you are now in a different place, will she be able to put weight back on without being fearful of putting it ALL back on? Hell, I would be beating myself up for "cheating"...these contestants have a hard time accepting that they deserve a good life, many have bottomed out in the self esteem department. What happens when she starts thinking about HOW she won...will she feel like she deserved it?

The show has been on many years and it's probably more surprising that more contestants haven't ended up anorexic or bulemic. Everyone waits for the contestants to "fail" in the real world and get fat again...that alone would cause too much pressure on even the most confident people. The follow ups seem to show a lot of the contestants remain successful, but how many don't?

I applaud the show for all of the good it has done, I believe many lives have been saved by this show and many more lives changed in immeasurable ways. I decided to fulfill my lifelong dream of running a marathon because of this show. I had thought I was too old. But I watched people, some older, but all not as physically fit do it and realized it wasn't out of my reach. Because of that it changed everything I believed about my age and myself. I don't put on a limit on anything I can do now...I have learned it doesn't hurt to try and you will never succeed if you don't try!

I am waiting with curiosity and hope that the show will address this issue so it can continue helping people realize they can get healthy...the key word being healthy...not thin, or skinny...just healthy!
I think the show misses an opportunity to get people more involved by spending too much time with weigh in drama when they could be providing simple exercises that anyone could be doing on commercial breaks. I like them spotlighting viewers who have lost weight on their own at home and feel like they could reach more people with a little "Hey you..on the sofa---why not do some leg lifts while you watch the following ads"...Sometimes all it takes is a little nudge...."Put down the chips and have some celery sticks"....Would that alienate their heavier viewers? I don't know...but watching that bony girl come out THAT will alienate me, if they don't find a way to make sure it doesn't happen again. I did appreciate that Bob and Jillian looked shocked and both made statements acknowledging what everyone was thinking. Hopefully the show won't bury it's head and hope we forget by next season.


***** For those that don't know me, the comparison of my weight doesn't mean much, so let me clarify...I am 5'3 and hover between 125 and 130....I would like to think that is just about right and can not imagine being 20 pounds lighter and an inch taller...I definitely think I would look bony and unhealthy.