I have never believed in soul mates. It seems silly to think of the 6 billion plus people that there is only ONE right person for each of us. But maybe there is. There is certainly the probability that there is at least one person who you can be yourself and be happy with.
But what if, being the instant gratification society that we are, we grab onto the first person who "seems" like the right fit and we miss the opportunity to be with our soul mate. Or maybe you miss being with your soul mate because you were brought up in a family that frowns upon homosexuality. You spend your life looking for a partner of the opposite sex and miss out on your soul mate who is the same sex. Not to mention you are denying your spouse their soul mate because they are in a relationship built on your denial of your true self.
Would you know your soul mate if you saw them? Better yet, would your soul be open to see them. Maybe you are already in a relationship and you deny the feelings because you want to be faithful. But who are you being faithful to?
I was married when I met my soul mate. I denied the feelings I had because they were "wrong". Meeting him made me analyze my marriage closer and see what I wanted, what I needed, what was missing. I tried to get my husband to hear me. I begged him to go to counseling. He didn't think there was a problem. Eventually I decided I was too young to spend the rest of my life living with the mistake I made. Not only should we have never gotten married, we, honestly, should not have even dated. From the beginning I knew he wasn't my type, he basically bullied me into going out with him--all the while he never stopped seeing his girlfriend. He lied from the very start and yet I was so insecure, had such low self esteem, I thought he was my only chance at having a husband and family (and he reinforced that idea by saying almost exactly that). Does HE sound like my soul mate?
Before our big move, I found a diary from that time in my life. I cried reading it. It was so pitiful. We always fought, I was always sad and yet I "loved him sooooo much". It was hard reading it, seeing how what should have been the best years of my life, filled with dating and fun, were spent not feeling good enough for him, wanting him to be sorry for his lies, wanting him to CHANGE into a guy who deserved to be loved unconditionally. It seems really obvious in hindsight but it wasn't then.
From outside of a relationship it is much easier to see when people are trying to hard. I watch it with my sister in all of her relationships. Love shouldn't be such a chore. Yes being married isn't always easy but on the other hand it shouldn't ALWAYS be hard. There should be way more good times than struggles.
But how do you know whether the arguing is too frequent or the differences to big to overcome?
I have been with Dave for nearly 18 years now. The beginning wasn't easy but that was mostly me dealing with the guilt of breaking up my family. Was I doing the right thing for all of us? During this time Dave did all of the loving, I was busy trying to be a "single" mom, working and going to therapy. Swearing off marriage, being suspicious and distrustful because that was how my last relationship was. I loved but with a wall up.
I think of the analogy of trying to fit a square block into a round hole. That was my first marriage...it was never going to work, and both pieces were getting damaged from the constant abuse of trying to jam two things that don't belong together, together. This time we were both round pieces but you can't put the piece in if it's blocked by a wall. I needed to trust him, trust us, to make it work. Luckily I realized it before it was too late. And luckily he was patient enough to wait. Or was it luck? Maybe we are just soul mates meant to be together. Had I never been brave enough to make the decision that my mistake marriage didn't have to be forever...had I never tried to track Dave down (not an easy task because he had switched stores but I was persistent and just in time too...he had just given 2 weeks notice...and I had never learned his last name)....I am not sure I would be here, and by here I don't mean California, I mean anywhere. I wouldn't have had the support to get into counseling and my depression would have gotten worse and I would have never had the happiest years of my life with my soul mate.
So if you are trying constantly and without success to change your partner or to change your expectations of what your relationship is, maybe it's time to think about if you are settling on a someone just so you won't be alone and possibly missing out on that soul mate..who could be a coworker or someone you see everyday at Starbucks or a friend of a friend. Or maybe you are not seeing your soul mate because of outward looks...missing out on true happiness because someone has a bad haircut or doesn't make the best style choices, little things that being in love could change....
I still remember the first time I met Dave. I couldn't look him in the eyes because I was afraid of the way that made me feel. I would try to avoid him so I didn't have that uncomfortable feeling because it was WRONG. But what was really wrong was the horrible relationship I was forcing myself to be in because I thought that was all I deserved. So try not to judge when people end their marriages, you don't know what their relationship was and whether some day you may be in the same position.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Book review Magnificent Vibrations
Ok...so read this review with an open mind....because I know you are going to say well Rick Springfield wrote it and you are ga ga over him so your opinion is worth less than his own mother's. BUT I swear to you this is objective.....
My proof of that is that I did not pre-order a copy---I did not even BUY a copy... I didn't go to any of the numerous book signings nearby, even though one was the same evening as his Walk of Fame ceremony, which I got up at the crack of dawn and drove 2 hours to see, waiting in line all day to ensure a good spot. (Yes, I dragged my husband, yes he is the best, yes I don't deserve him and yes I got a good spot and yes it was all totally worth it!)
No I did not STEAL a copy....I ---wait for it--- borrowed it from the library...and for your information I was on a waiting list to get it....third in line....I waited patiently who knows how long...and then even after I got it, I didn't devour it in the first minutes, I didn't even read it the first day!! So THERE!! I stand by my assertion that this is a completely unbiased review!
You may ask Why? Why didn't I pre-order it? Well you may have already ascertained that I am cheap..errr, I mean, frugal! 18 bucks for a book I will read in 2 -3 hours is just out of the budget these days. My husband tried to convince me to buy it, but I couldn't be budged!
I also had reservations about it...the title seems stupid (still does) and the cover was ridiculous (yes, I judge books by their cover). And the little bit I had heard about it just seemed unoriginal and kind of silly. Let me try to insert a photo of the cover....
Ughh I forgot about the "sometimes heavenly intervention can put you through hell"---horrid!
THE ACTUAL REVIEW
So we have determined I hated the name and still do. I have no idea what it refers to and it in no way gives you any insight on what the book is about. And that stupid line about heavenly intervention...it makes it seem, I don't know almost mocking itself.
The basic premise is a depressed dude picks up a self help book...there's a phone number written in pencil in the front cover. He calls it...God answers. Then there's that stupid line on the front which makes it seem like it's going to be a comedy. And it just sounds silly. But it only takes me 2-3 hours to read a book, it's free and I am supposed to be a fan, the least I could do was read it.
I was hooked instantly...there's cursing and sex and his style of writing I found easy to read (my husband has started to read it and disagrees, he can't put his finger on it but doesn't seem to like the sentence structures or just the words Rick uses---says he has a hard time following??).
Instead of numbering chapters he uses different fonts to separate chapters and also because some of it is a back story and even farther back story and some from God's point of view. This didn't bother me at all, but I found it unnecessary. Many authors go back and forth between different characters telling the story and I have never found it hard to keep up, but it's his first novel maybe he just wanted to do things his own way. Since I pretty much read it in one sitting, chapter numbers were irrelevant anyway.
Obviously, I don't want to reveal any spoilers, because I know you are going to run right out and buy a copy (we all know I am the only freak using a library!) and yes I know none of you are running anywhere to buy anything...but you really should!). So I will keep it simple. The story is fresh and very appropriate for what the world is going through right now. It is about so much more than some guy getting spiritual guidance from God, in fact, it isn't about that at all. It is about Earth. How we treat it and how we are ruining it. It also isn't religious, in fact it very well may offend church going types. He somewhat mocks religion but at the same time completely believes in a supreme being. It is a funny book and also has suspense. After a billion years of reading I think I can tell where a book is headed...well, I got nervous because there weren't many pages left and I couldn't see how he was going to tie everything up. I did not see the end coming at all. I love anything that isn't cookie cutter and this definitely fits the bill.
I think it would make a great movie, though please don't cast Rick as the main character, I think people would be more likely to see it, if his name isn't attached to it. He still gets a bad (false rap) as a one hit wonder. Let the book stand on it's own merit, and a movie as well. One reviewer stated “This is not the prose of a rock star who decided to try his hand at novel writing, but of a novelist who just happens to be a rock star.” (Variety magazine) I think that is a perfect summation.
So if you like to read and you are up for something a bit different...I don't even know what genre to call it...it isn't really Sci Fi...or comedy or romantic or a thriller....but it has a bit of each. It is just good storytelling...I really liked it and was really surprised that I did. I don't know why I doubted Rick, he did an amazing job with his Autobiography, Late,Late At Night (which was named by Rolling Stone magazine as one of the 25 greatest rock memoirs of all time!)...I really think it was all pre release press...the book just came across as if it would be hokey, better marketing would have probably made it even more successful. A lot of the press was "What would you do if you had a direct line to God?" but it isn't about that...God didn't connect with him to help him, it's so much more than that. I would have went with "What if God had plans for you and wouldn't fully reveal them..would you blindly follow?" I guess it's kind of touchy about how to hook you without giving away too much. I think it's like movie trailers that only show the funny parts and then you get to the movie and it's actually pretty serious, with a laugh thrown in to lighten the mood. Are you really getting the audience you want?
But, all of that is neither here nor there...luckily I gave the book a chance and I don't regret it. It actually gave me lots to think about which is more than Stephen King and Dean Kootz do.
Just read the damn book and let me know what you think!! I am anxious to see my husband's response when he's done (which will be weeks from now--he just doesn't get into reading like I do!)
My proof of that is that I did not pre-order a copy---I did not even BUY a copy... I didn't go to any of the numerous book signings nearby, even though one was the same evening as his Walk of Fame ceremony, which I got up at the crack of dawn and drove 2 hours to see, waiting in line all day to ensure a good spot. (Yes, I dragged my husband, yes he is the best, yes I don't deserve him and yes I got a good spot and yes it was all totally worth it!)
No I did not STEAL a copy....I ---wait for it--- borrowed it from the library...and for your information I was on a waiting list to get it....third in line....I waited patiently who knows how long...and then even after I got it, I didn't devour it in the first minutes, I didn't even read it the first day!! So THERE!! I stand by my assertion that this is a completely unbiased review!
You may ask Why? Why didn't I pre-order it? Well you may have already ascertained that I am cheap..errr, I mean, frugal! 18 bucks for a book I will read in 2 -3 hours is just out of the budget these days. My husband tried to convince me to buy it, but I couldn't be budged!
I also had reservations about it...the title seems stupid (still does) and the cover was ridiculous (yes, I judge books by their cover). And the little bit I had heard about it just seemed unoriginal and kind of silly. Let me try to insert a photo of the cover....
THE ACTUAL REVIEW
So we have determined I hated the name and still do. I have no idea what it refers to and it in no way gives you any insight on what the book is about. And that stupid line about heavenly intervention...it makes it seem, I don't know almost mocking itself.
The basic premise is a depressed dude picks up a self help book...there's a phone number written in pencil in the front cover. He calls it...God answers. Then there's that stupid line on the front which makes it seem like it's going to be a comedy. And it just sounds silly. But it only takes me 2-3 hours to read a book, it's free and I am supposed to be a fan, the least I could do was read it.
I was hooked instantly...there's cursing and sex and his style of writing I found easy to read (my husband has started to read it and disagrees, he can't put his finger on it but doesn't seem to like the sentence structures or just the words Rick uses---says he has a hard time following??).
Instead of numbering chapters he uses different fonts to separate chapters and also because some of it is a back story and even farther back story and some from God's point of view. This didn't bother me at all, but I found it unnecessary. Many authors go back and forth between different characters telling the story and I have never found it hard to keep up, but it's his first novel maybe he just wanted to do things his own way. Since I pretty much read it in one sitting, chapter numbers were irrelevant anyway.
Obviously, I don't want to reveal any spoilers, because I know you are going to run right out and buy a copy (we all know I am the only freak using a library!) and yes I know none of you are running anywhere to buy anything...but you really should!). So I will keep it simple. The story is fresh and very appropriate for what the world is going through right now. It is about so much more than some guy getting spiritual guidance from God, in fact, it isn't about that at all. It is about Earth. How we treat it and how we are ruining it. It also isn't religious, in fact it very well may offend church going types. He somewhat mocks religion but at the same time completely believes in a supreme being. It is a funny book and also has suspense. After a billion years of reading I think I can tell where a book is headed...well, I got nervous because there weren't many pages left and I couldn't see how he was going to tie everything up. I did not see the end coming at all. I love anything that isn't cookie cutter and this definitely fits the bill.
I think it would make a great movie, though please don't cast Rick as the main character, I think people would be more likely to see it, if his name isn't attached to it. He still gets a bad (false rap) as a one hit wonder. Let the book stand on it's own merit, and a movie as well. One reviewer stated “This is not the prose of a rock star who decided to try his hand at novel writing, but of a novelist who just happens to be a rock star.” (Variety magazine) I think that is a perfect summation.
So if you like to read and you are up for something a bit different...I don't even know what genre to call it...it isn't really Sci Fi...or comedy or romantic or a thriller....but it has a bit of each. It is just good storytelling...I really liked it and was really surprised that I did. I don't know why I doubted Rick, he did an amazing job with his Autobiography, Late,Late At Night (which was named by Rolling Stone magazine as one of the 25 greatest rock memoirs of all time!)...I really think it was all pre release press...the book just came across as if it would be hokey, better marketing would have probably made it even more successful. A lot of the press was "What would you do if you had a direct line to God?" but it isn't about that...God didn't connect with him to help him, it's so much more than that. I would have went with "What if God had plans for you and wouldn't fully reveal them..would you blindly follow?" I guess it's kind of touchy about how to hook you without giving away too much. I think it's like movie trailers that only show the funny parts and then you get to the movie and it's actually pretty serious, with a laugh thrown in to lighten the mood. Are you really getting the audience you want?
But, all of that is neither here nor there...luckily I gave the book a chance and I don't regret it. It actually gave me lots to think about which is more than Stephen King and Dean Kootz do.
Just read the damn book and let me know what you think!! I am anxious to see my husband's response when he's done (which will be weeks from now--he just doesn't get into reading like I do!)
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