Want versus Need ---Living with less

Stop! Do you have more than enough money? Are you happy in your current job? Then go away this post isn't for you!! If you decide to read on...get a drink and get comfy...it's a LONG one!

I put myself through college--of course this was a hundred years ago(or 1986-1991) when tuition rates were more reasonable.  I often had more than one job, at one point I was working 3 jobs. The first 2 summers I worked at General Motors, which, even then, paid extremely well...but living in rural PA after spending the school year in Philadelphia became intolerable, especially without a driver's license! So I gave us the easy money (if you consider getting up at 4:30 in the morning and working 9 hour days in a factory, in the summer, with no air conditioning easy!--oh and surrounded by perverted 50 some year old men, gawking at my 18 year old naive self), I moved out of the dorm into a year round apartment and began working during school.

I had a spiral weekly calendar (a free Virginia Slims calendar--I wish I was sentimental and had kept it--I didn't even take a picture of it!! (inside joke--sorry!)). In this calendar I tracked EVERY single PENNY I spent. I always knew exactly what I could afford...or more like what I could NOT afford. It wasn't easy watching my friends go to the food truck multiple times a day, getting hot chocolate and snacks between classes. Every now and again I could afford a pretzel or a hot tea, but most days I went without. Visits home would net me care baskets that would include a canned ham (I never could tell Grandma how gross I found those--but hey when you are poor and hungry, cut it up and mix it with some 5 for a dollar mac and cheese and it tasted delightful!), Ramen noodles, 12 packs of Sprite.
Every day for 3 years my lunch was a can of Sprite and a Snickers bar...I have only recently begun to be able to stand the taste of either of them.

Back then I hadn't read about tracking my money and how it could help me save money(many good budgeting books suggest this)...for me it was just a necessity. I rarely had extra money. My last semester I lost my job and couldn't really work while doing 40 hour internships (well I could but I was devasted by a sexual harassment experience--but that's another story). I racked up $3000 on my credit card. I even resorted to stealing a couple rolls of toilet paper from the pharmacy school, I figured my tuition warranted me some toilet paper!

I was lucky, I graduated into a pretty decent profession with a great salary. I graduated in May, was licensed in August and by November owned a house! I enjoyed the big paychecks and forgot about being thrifty. For years I continued this way. I wasted so much money on so many stupid THINGS! Luckily I was smart enough to be in a 401k. I bought things to make me happy because I HATED my job. I stumbled on a book--sorry I forget the name of it-- that helped me calculate my actual earnings. It had me add up the costs of staying in this career. The travel time to the job was included--at this point I was almost always at least 45 minutes each way from home. I added the cost of the "fancy" car, as opposed to a bare bones model. I added all the junk I bought...every new toy that would come out--I loved technology and had to have the new stuff RIGHT NOW! My final tally left me with a wage a couple dollars over minimum wage. That's how much money I wasted. To make myself happy.



This revelation occurred not too long before the market crash in 2008. I just about died when I looked at my 401k balance. The money I lost could have bought soooo many things. But I also realized that if I lost my job, we could never survive on just one salary. We never kept a lot of money in savings. When it would pile up, we would find something to spend it on-- a parrot, a painting...whatever...it just seemed like the money SHOULD be spent. So we made some changes. We refinanced so that our house payment would be low enough for my husband's salary to cover it. We planned on continuing to pay the same amount (about double the new payment) and pay it off sooner than the 30 years but at least if something happened we could afford it. Not too long after this my husband lost his job, he was out of work for almost a year. Not knowing how long he would be out of work, I stopped making the double payments. And we were very careful with our money, we still took vacations, still ate out but were more thoughtful about big purchases that weren't necessary. We also knew we wanted to relocate after my son graduated. Every purchase was made with the thought "Do I want to move this?". We saved tons of money because the answer was always "NO". In that year he was out of work, our savings account grew and grew and grew! I wasn't making more money--I had taken a lower paying job the same day he lost his! Just being nervous made us save money. I was constantly reassessing how much money was going out and how much was coming in. I would guesstimate what our balance would be in 6 months and I was always right on the money, that's how in tune with our money I was. Are you? Do you know what you spend every month? Most people know what they make but don't track what they spend.

The OCD in me takes over and I see the balance rise and then I make arbitrary numbers that I don't want to drop below. I make the money untouchable. It makes you really think about every purchase. We were laughed at by people....because I wouldn't pay full price for anything! Or I would chose restaurants based on coupons, or not letting my son order ANYTHING he wants when we would go out. I set limits...if you get a drink, no appetizer. Or your entree needs to be under 10 dollars. Or we will get ice cream and hot fudge at the store, not order dessert at the restaurant. Mocked mercilessly, some laughed at me all the way to the bankruptcy court. And even now still think I am wrong. My son had learned thrifty ways--is that a bad thing? After we started living this way, he started considering what video games he would buy new, would wait for sales on the website that he downloads games from...why is this funny, why does this make me an ogre of a parent?

How do we do it?

Those who know me, know I do not go without. I have been to Costa Rica, to Africa and spent way too much money on Rick Springfield cruises. I am able to do this because I skimp on other things that people find necessities. I do not have a texting plan. A family plan is what 20/month? That's $240 a year. We have always had basic cable and a slower speed internet...the HORROR! That is currently saving us over $600/year. That's a thousand bucks and that is a 7 day cruise in an inside room (the horror!), when you buy it on the 90 day ticker (last minute cruises for those who aren't picky about going a certain week or on a certain ship or to certain islands!). That's my personal choice...I don't need a million channels and I don't need to text. I prefer the vacation.

What is a need?

I believe you need very little. You need a place to live, but you do not need a mortgage that takes all of your income. You do not need the biggest house, the newest house or a house filled with all the latest greatest stuff....expensive sofas, big TV's, multiple TV's, the best washer/dryer. You may covet them but you do not NEED them. Think about your house, think about the things in your house. Go ahead look around right now...start putting price tags on those things...are you okay with how much you spent on them? Would the money have brought you more happiness spent another way?
This is a personal issue, we all get happiness from different things. I like to travel more than I like to impress someone who comes to visit me. Your views may differ from my views and that's ok. But this is how I feel. Yes, stainless steel appliances would look really nice with my refinished dark cabinets but the number of vacations that I can take with that money is way more important to me. I am no longer a pharmacist, I don't need to revert to my college ways of tracking every penny but I will put lots of thought into every purchase I make. (And YES a piano will bring me lots and lots of joy, even more than several vacations!). (Someone related to me questions this but it is true!!--not you but the one who drank all the soda!!)

I don't judge what others think they need--well unless they are using money borrowed from me than I suppose I can be accused of that!! I just want the same in return.

What else do we NEED?

We need food. We do not need food already cut up for us and packaged nicely. We do not need bottled water (most of us don't--I am sure there are a few who do). We do not need soda. We do not need junk food. We do not need to eat out once or twice or more every week. We do not need to eat whatever we want when we want. We can eat chicken when chicken is on sale and ground beef when it is on sale --(pardon me if it sounds like I don't know what I am talking about-- I haven't grocery shopped in years, this is all based on observations on what I am served for dinner. I know the hubby feeds us very cheaply (for 3 of us it was never more than $400/month) and he doesn't use coupons, so I assume he shops sale items).

We need clothes. We do not need full priced clothes...even my rich friends shop at Marshalls (which is still too expensive for my tastes!). We do not need the most expensive sexy underwear. This is probably one of the easiest categories to save money in. If you aren't sure where your money for next week's groceries are coming from...you probably shouldn't be spending $100 on underwear.

I am going to include health insurance as a need. This is one of our most expensive needs right now. But even though it is a need, I can still give you a list of what you don't need. You don't need the lowest deductible plan (if you have savings that can cover the deductible). You don't NEED the best plan. Maybe you WANT to be able to chose your doctors, but remember it is not a need.

Probably a lot of us need a car, but again what KIND of car do we need?

Did I cover all of the needs? Somewhere to live, something to eat, something to wear, health care and a car.

We don't need a cell phone, even though, apparently the government gives them to the "needy" as if they are a need. And we certainly don't need one with data plans and texting plans and apps.

We don't need satellite radio in our car, or a bazillion channels on our TV, or internet so fast you can download in milliseconds.

We don't need all the toiletries we buy. How much money to you spend on cosmetics?--this means you too men! Do you really need expensive shampoo, conditioner, gel, mousse, hairspray, dyes? Do you need that weekly manicure? Do you need name brand everything? Take a good look in your bathroom...how much money are you wasting? I am not saying all store brand products will work but isn't it worth it to at least try?

Know YOUR wants and needs

I am by no means saying we can't WANT things, or judging what you want. I am just tired of hearing people complain that they can't afford to live. NO! They may not be able to afford the WAY they are living. Make a list of your bills. What MUST you have? What do you WANT? Study your credit card bill...if it's categorized for you, even better. Where is all of your money going? Is it on entertainment? Are you paying interest on that entertainment? Is it worth it--to YOU! It doesn't matter what I think, or your neighbor thinks, or your friend or your family....what do you WANT? Can you get what you want by giving up some of the things you don't need?

I know I had a fortunate life, I was able to save money to make this big move because of a career that I randomly fell into. But I also WORKED to get here. I worked at a job I loathed...loathed! And I went without...do I miss the drinks I didn't order with my meals when I did eat out? Nope. Do I miss the years I went without a smart phone? Nope. Do I miss having a text plan? Nope (thanks iMessaging!) Do I miss HBO and a hundred different sports channels? Nope. Would I have been able to afford this move without changing my ways? Nope.

Even planning the move presented many opportunities to save. I researched tons of options for moving our crap out here. Spent lots of time with a calculator. Spent lots of time on websites. We could have spent over $10,000 easily on this move. All said and done we spent less than half that. We got a great deal on a Dodge Caravan one way rental...shopped 3 different locations and ended up spending half with the location we went with. I spent a lot of time researching shipping options for our cars versus driving one or both of them. I went with the most reputable company with the best price, it was 2 or 3 hundred dollars more than the best price but got the best reviews and sometimes you just can't go with the cheapest alternative. I spent many many days trying to find the cheapest pet friendly hotels (La Quinta) and even then different locations in the same city had different prices.
It was time consuming and not the "easiest" way to get it all done, but then, remember, years ago my therapist warned me the "easy" road sometimes costs more in the end.

It's only....

One way to stop spending money is to stop using the excuse "It's only x dollars per week or month" This money adds up....realize what you are paying per year....does it still sound like "It's only.."?
That dollar coffee every day...5 days a week, 52 weeks a year....that's over $250! That $5 dollar lunch at work...$1200 a year! Add it all up and you can take a vacation. I ALWAYS brought my own water, soda and lunch to work. I would "treat" myself on a rare occasion. THAT's how I vacation so much.

This applies to brand versus generic also. If you are using a product regularly and justify the brand by saying "It's only a dollar more that the store brand", it will add up. If you buy that product a couple times a year, then sure go for the brand...I haven't been able to give up brand name Oil of Olay, been using it since I was 12...I look like the younger sister (call me Olay!!). But if you are buying something regularly...then TRY the store brand....maybe you will prefer it! (We recently discovered that Kroger Mac n Cheese is BETTER than Kraft!!) 

In conclusion

It's your life--you know whether you are happy with your current money situation. If you are Great!
If not--what can you do differently to make it better? Even if you are stuck in a job that makes a crappy salary, you can live better...by figuring out what works for you. You don't have to have what everyone else has...you don't have to want what they want...WHAT makes you happy?

What I want...I can live without this big house and my cool convertible, I would sell both tomorrow if I had to. I could live in a small place (the birds would have to go--sorry guys!) and I could live with used furniture and here in CA, I could live with no car. All I need is my husband by my side, and I would say Sprite and Snickers but I would be happier with tap water and I think Ramen noodles are cheaper than Snickers. It may sound sticky sweet but it is true. We have spent the last 3 months together, day in and day out. We have not gotten on each others nerves and have grown even closer, if that is possible. That's what I want and all I really need.  Icing on the cake is having some really great friends to spend the weekends with(are you guys still reading? Because the first sentence told you to STOP!). And having my son here...which sadly is about to end....you will probably see an empty nest post in the near future....if you haven't gotten tired of my rambling before then!

And I repeat if you have all the money you need to have everything you want...then by all means GO FOR IT!! But if you think you don't have enough...think again, maybe you are just wasting money on stuff you don't really want and you do have enough for what you really need.

An extreme case example

This is true. Sad but true.  A former brother in law of mine, who is pushing 70, is the worst example I have ever personally seen. He whines about not having money and makes so much from his GM retirement and Social Security that I could easily support both me and my husband on it. Yet, he still works(at a job where he actually loses money but won't sell his big rig, even though his accountant told him he is losing tons of money) and is on the verge of his THIRD bankruptcy! 

He drinks a 12 pack of Diet Pepsi a day (yes unbelievable!)...but that isn't the worst part...he buys them at convenience stores and gas stations at ridiculous prices, instead of shopping the soda sales that are easily found anywhere! And to top that he gets the money for them from an ATM that charges him double fees (one from his bank, one from the machine). And he takes out 20 dollars at a time, sometimes several times a day....getting those double charges every time!! And half the time getting overdraft charges each time. He also buys stuff just to impress people..people he doesn't even know. He spent over $2000 on a riding lawn mower for his 1/4 acre property, just for bragging rights. He is currently so far in debt that he is about to lose his house and be put in jail for failing to pay the money he promised in the divorce settlement. He is one of those fucked up people we can all learn from. And he thinks the world did this to him...woe is him...he did nothing to deserve this. Of course he isn't nearly as stupid as the woman who married him on the same day his divorce was final....she must be a real treat!!

Thanks for reading....look for some sad posts in the future my son is leaving for college in a few days. Maybe I will do a post about running to distract me.