Over the past few months I have learned a lot about what I think about love. Books have helped me and lots of thinking. Too much thinking and not enough books. I find myself avoiding reading the parts that might help me. Like I am not ready just yet to give up the anger. I do find myself trying to deal with the sadness and not letting it turn to anger, I was being fairly successful, but this past week has been bad. It's been a long time since it's been this bad, although it is more crying and less screaming, that may not seem like an improvement but it is. I am starting to really accept that he cheated. Accept that I won't ever know how he could do that to me, to us. Even as I learn some of the possibilities of why.
And that brings me to the title. Unconditional love.
I believed that I loved him conditionally. I believed I loved him BECAUSE he was a good man, BECAUSE he would never cheat on me. Even after I learned he was a liar. I never really believed
he was trying to cheat on me with the emails to the first woman (Holly). I believed that this betrayal of trust was solely about his lying. And I made myself believe, with help from him and my friends, that I was overreacting. I knew it was a big deal but only my mother and sister agreed with me and I guess I just feel that their response is always going to be overprotective and not necessarily the proper response...overreacting, just like me. So I told myself I was wrong. I told myself what everyone else told me "He loves you, he's not the type to cheat". And I really believed it. I believed it with all of my soul. I allowed myself to believe he didn't break one of my conditions for loving him. I don't even know if it's really that horrible to love someone with conditions. Especially not this condition. I love you because you aren't a cheater. That seems fair, right?
So with the reasons he has come up, most of them from my overthinking and asking him and him saying "That sounds like it could be it". (He's still incapable of committing to a reason, always adding a "maybe" or "possibly", he just doesn't KNOW what he was thinking and that blows my mind and terrifies me. It was more than a decade ago that I nearly cheated on him and I remember where I was when I got the text inviting me to have sex, I remember the feelings it gave me (not good ones) and I remember why I didn't (nothing was worth risking losing him)). This happened last year and he remembers next to nothing. I think it's perfectly normal for me to worry that he doesn't have the capacity to think his actions through and therefore could easily accidentally end up in this situation. again...after all "it just happened". Anyway I digress...his reasons (possible reasons) make me realize he, too, did not love me unconditionally. Apparently his love was based on me loving him. But not just loving him...loving him enough, in the way he needed to be loved...without him informing me what that was. So what we have concluded is: I finally believed in him, finally felt safe, finally felt confident in our love and he misinterpreted that as me not needing him, or my confidence came off as disinterest or boredom or my high self esteem made him feel unworthy, it made him feel less than and he needed someone with an equally low self esteem, so they could feel shitty together (this is actually from a book...people with low self esteem seek relationships with people who have self esteem issues). I have asked and not gotten satisfactory answers...If you thought I didn't love you or didn't love you enough, why not leave the marriage...his reply "I still loved you" my retort..."Can you claim to love someone and cheat on them? Were you waiting to get love from someone else and then leave? Because you got it, so why not leave?" Him "I didn't want to lose you" and we go round in round in the ridiculousness of what her purpose was? Was she just a temporary "fill up" to fuel him with some love so he could go back to his loveless marriage? If so when would be enough? Why when I wrote him poetry, love notes for lunch, shared songs with him, sobbed hysterically with guilt and fear for accusing him of cheating, pleading with him that it felt EXACTLY like when my ex cheated on me..why didn't that make him realize I loved him? Why didn't that make him stop? He claims he was stuck at that point...he didn't want to hurt either of us. And this is where I really get angry....I may overthink but why didn't he think at all? Consider the possible scenarios? Realize continuing the affair was hurting both of us (all of us really, but who the fuck cares how he was hurt? He did it), why did he continue the affair full force, trying to find a fucking loving nickname (one of this last texts was him "trying out" calling her "babe" -- to know Dave (or David as he for whatever fucking reason let her call him (he doesn't use that name even legally unless absolutely necessary)) you would realize how absolutely ludicrous it would be to hear him call a woman babe...but isn't that what the whole affair was? Juvenile? Ridiculous? Out of character? Not Dave...but David.
But again I digress. My love, I thought, was conditioned upon him being faithful...not out of obligation, but because that is who he was. I was wrong. I love him unconditionally, it seems. Because I still love him, dare I say, as much as I ever have. I certainly don't feel safe and I certainly don't trust him unconditionally. But I do love him unconditionally. His love...not so much. "If she doesn't do this, I get to do that" That's how I feel about his love now. He had expectations from me, not ones he cared to share with me, so I might have a chance of meeting them, but expectations I was supposed to magically know about. I don't even think he knows what they were because he admits that when he looks back now, he sees how much I had trusted him, how much I showed my love for him, that he misinterpreted my actions. My feeling safe came across as boredom, that I didn't need to be up his ass 24/7 was disinterest, not trust that I knew he'd always be there for me. He chose to overlook the loving things I did for him, because he felt inadequate. There is nothing I could have done to prevent this...except not becoming a stronger person, not becoming the optimistic, happier person I became. And you are right if you think that to go back and do things any different so that he wouldn't feel the need to cheat at the expense of my not being who I am now is too big of a price to pay. Because I wouldn't. I wouldn't do anything differently. I am sure this is all on him. After the Holly incident he got self esteem books, it was on him to fix himself. He didn't. Because, he too, believed he wasn't cheating with Holly, wouldn't have. Because he chose not to think about what he could have lost or why he did it, we are here. IF he had spent more time thinking, more time considering that maybe he was doing something worse than lying...maybe this could have been avoided. And that's where my fear comes in. I don't see him thinking anymore now..ok maybe a little more...but I don't think he thinks enough. I still think he believes things are just going to be alright because he WANTS them to be. If he dreams it, it will be. But it won't. He needs to think more. He's reading mindfulness books and I don't think they are working. I ask him questions that he answers mindlessly and when I mention it later doesn't even remember me asking. Sure we all do this, but it is like a neon sign to me. I am hypersensitive to needing him to know what he is saying, what he is doing. And I still don't feel he is. I want to know WHY he picked up that phone and started texting her, WHY he didn't stop when he realized where it was headed. WHAT he told himself to justify it. And "maybe it was this" just doesn't cut it. I think this week has been hard because I am coming to the realization, I really will never know. And I am realizing I am not leaving. Realizing I don't even want to. Not even a little bit. There were times when all I wanted to do was run...get as far away from him as possible, as far away from me... But now...now I am trying to allow myself to love him unconditionally. It feels like a betrayal to myself to now say "It's ok to love a cheater". Last time I let myself believe it was ok to love a liar and we see how that ended...it's not ok to love a cheater, or a liar....but here I am doing it. I am so afraid of telling myself "I told you so" of what my "self" will do if it has to say that...how mad will it be..will it be able to forgive me? Does all that 3rd person shit sound crazy? I miss the voices I used to have in my head....they were way easier to listen to than myself. They fled when this all started.
And so with all the happy memories we are trying to create this summer, with concerts and beach trips and just loving each other...there are still bad days and bad weeks. He gave me an analogy about a hurdler. When she first starts learning she trips on all 10 hurdles and over time she gets to the point where she is still tripping but not as often, but that trip still hurts and feels like failure, but she is improving. And I am ...I am improving, things are getting better, they really, truly are...but oh when I trip it still hurts, and more than that it frustrates me. It makes me feel out of control, it makes me feel helpless and hopeless...but I do have him here...doing all of the right things. Being remorseful, being supportive, being loving.... I guess I just need more time. And patience has never been my strong suit.
I still feel lonely. I know I have friends but I don't want to burden any of them with my annoying thoughts. They annoy me, why would I want to annoy you with them? I don't want advice. I don't need advice. I know what I am doing. I am staying. Unless you can tell me how to trust a liar, there isn't much you can do to really help me.
I have realized I am using work as an avoidance. If I am work I think less and I can avoid reading the things that will help me. I am starting to not want to work so much, I take that as a good sign because the reason is I want to have more time to read, so I can really begin to heal.
I am making progress. And I do believe we will make it through this.
Who knew I was capable of loving anyone other than my son unconditionally? I sure didn't.
Tuesday, August 14, 2018
Sunday, August 12, 2018
Some concert reviews and a port a potty story
2018 will be known as year of the concerts....
With all that has gone on I have a "who gives a fuck" attitude towards money (on most days--I do still have my occasional "Oh shit where is all the money going" days).
This has led to doing things I may normally not have done.
For instance: $200 to see Train. I typically hate spending more than 50 bucks a seat on a concert (with the exception of Rick Springfield of course!!)
I wanted to see Duran Duran and was too cheap to buy the shitty seats at over 100 a ticket. And I regret it. So I am trying to just suck it up and just do things I want to do.
The Train tickets were for decent seats at a venue that doesn't get great reviews but I decided at the last minute that if seats were still available ...well then I was going!
The DJ had really hyped Patrick Monahan's voice...maybe it was the venue but I wasn't overly impressed. They sounded good but not omg good. Overall I really enjoyed the show (although I am not sure I would go to that venue again...horrible bleacher seats and there was an echoey sound). My disappointment came with the length of the show. It wasn't even 90 minutes. He made a comment about his age and not doing the silly "leave the stage and come back out thing" and just did the encore with the set. Fine, I can live with that. But I guess I can't help compare every show to a Rick show and this dude is a year younger than me...and a full 21 years younger than Rick....c'mon! Rick gives his all and I felt this guy kinda phoned it in. His energy wasn't half of what Rick's is and then he cuts the show short by 10 minutes?? wtf! I guess he could have been not feeling well so I should cut him some slack, it's just this was the most expensive show I had planned, so I wanted my money's worth. See them again? nah...only if it was free.
Next up we got free tickets to see Daughtry. Free SECOND row tickets. Now I don't really know a lot of his songs...I could only think of 2 before we got there. But that didn't matter. The energy from being in the second row and from seeing a guy who loved his fans and loved performing more than made up for that. He did leave the stage a lot, which was somewhat distracting and a little odd. He wasn't gone long, not even long enough to pee, so who knows what that was about. So overall I'd say I enjoyed this show as much as Train, even though I LOVE Train's music and Daughtry's genre isn't really my thing. See him again? Free? Absolutely!
That reminds me we also got free tickets to see the Gin Blossoms a few months back. It wasn't an overly memorable concert and the singer's voice kinda gets repetitive...like his songs all sound really similar. I mean everyone has "their" sound. We both just commented that the sound of his voice was almost becoming grating...well not quite grating. We just didn't want to hear it anymore. It was an outdoor concert and our seats were also pretty good, so bonus points for both of those things. Would I see them again? Sure if it was free.
That brings me to another shorter (20 mins) free really small outdoor venue we went to about a month ago. Andy Grammer. I had no idea who that was. Saw it advertised on a fb group and there was a video clip and I recognized the songs so why not? It was great! He played acoustically and his voice is amazing. It was like watching a street performer, that's how small the area was. He only sang his hits.. he has a few (4?) and one new song which was also catchy. He came across as very sweet and genuine. Truly enjoyed performing this way because that's how he started. I would definitely love to see him in concert with a full band and I'd even pay for it! ;)
(In case your wondering he sings Fine By Me, Honey I'm Good, Good To Be Alive and Keep your Head Up) If you listen at all to pop radio, you will know all of those songs.
Time for a break, can't put this up today anyway because I haven't seen all of the concerts I have tickets for yet. Still to come -- Counting Crows, Rick with symphony, Psychedelic Furs and Village People.
So I kept this page open on my computer to just keep typing as the shows happened...and guess what?? it wasn't autosaving! Now I get to do those 3 concerts again...I also have added another concert since then but luckily for some reason thought that might not have saved so I had copied/pasted that one. These new versions may be slightly shorter as I am now a little pissed to have to do them again!! :(
Here I go again....
Counting Crows. They were scheduled to play with Live, but there was also another opening band from Wisconsin (can't remember their name). I had written a lengthy review about this one because the whole day just sucked, but now you will get a slightly abbreviated version (lucky you!). I had hurt my back and it was only just starting to feel good enough to even attempt the nearly 2 hour drive to the concert, let alone sitting for a few hours. The only comfortable position was laying down or walking. The annoyance began by discovering California has toll roads, I had googled a route and didn't notice it mentioned it was a toll road. $8.25 to save about 10 minutes. So much for this being a cheap show (was $35 for both seats). Needless to say we took the other route back home. The tickets said the show started at 6:30, so we got there around 5:30, had ate dinner that we had packed and headed in. The venue was brand new and pretty cool. There was a big lawn where booths were set up for food and booze. There was also a bunch of corn hole games set up. Very fun atmosphere. The beer was ridiculous (I had written the price but can't remember exactly now...like $17 for a 29 oz beer). We headed to our seats at 6:30, only to discover the unknown band was starting...they sucked, my back hurt sitting so we headed back out to the lawn, you could still hear from there and it was more comfortable. Dave had heard of the band Live, he said they were good, even though he only knew one song. Finally around 9:30 The Counting Crows started. Keep in mind, we both have to work the next day, it has already been a long day and we still have a long ride home. I had been wanting to see them for years but always avoided going because of the cost and being afraid that since I really only liked August and Everything After that I may not enjoy the show. That's why this seemed perfect....cheap tickets so disappointment would be less. However, with my sore back and the long day I had a lot invested now and I needed it to be a good show.....sadly it wasn't.
This was their 25th anniversary tour and he started the show by saying he wanted to do something special. He was going to give background on some songs. This got me excited, I love Rick's acoustic show with background info. Maybe I should have known better since their music is so somber but the background stuff was a tad depressing. Maybe it was part of his show or he was really depressed but I actually told Dave I wouldn't be surprised to hear he killed himself the next day because he was so depressing to watch. Telling the stories he would pace or sit on speaker, raking his fingers through his hair and taking his glasses off to wipe his eyes, then holding his face in his hands. Super theatrical? or really depressed? The worst was the background on a song called Miami. I looked up the lyrics afterwards so I could put them here .but I guess he was just talking before it started, it sounded so beautiful, I thought it was part of the song...I knew when he started the story it wouldn't end well for me, I could tell it was going to be about breaking up. He said something along the lines of making a mistake and wishing you could just go back and take all of the hurt away...luckily our row was pretty empty because I let out a huge sob , uncontrollable and couldn't help but cry. Dave put his arms around me. It was just too close to what he's said, how I have felt..a million times since last October. If it was just that I could still say the concert was good, my history isn't his fault. But literally every song from the August album was screwed up. He changed lyrics, He changed rhythm. It was really annoying. Dave pointed out that he may have changed the other songs too because I thought it might be a big fuck you to fans who weren't "true fans" just August fans. But I knew at least 2 of the other songs and they were sung right.
In case you are wondering what I mean...he changed the lyrics "we talk like lions but sacrifice like lambs" into something about kittens and puppies! And he added wham bam thank you maam get your money back at the door...or something hokey like that to the chorus of Omaha. Mr. Jones was really changed up rhythmically, and so was Rain King. Maybe I am the only one but I go to a concert to hear my favorite songs, sing to them, dance to them....the way I am used to hearing them! Is it too much to ask to play them right?
Well I think I wrote that better the first time, but not much I can do about that...stupid computers.
Would I see them again? that is a strong FUCK NO!
Oh...how could I forget...the icing on this long ass night was after the show I went to use the bathrooms. They had nice air conditioned trailers with about 4 stalls in them but the lines were long so I decided to just use the port a potty (I had used one earlier and it was really clean because no one was using them). So it's nearly 11 pm, very dark and the potties aren't near the lights. I squat and feel some spray on my legs, I assume I am not back far enough (remember my back hurts, squatting can be tough) and scoot back a little. I finish my business and go to throw the toilet paper in the hole. Only there is no hole...apparently port a potties have lids...BLACK lids...and some moron shut the lid...who the fuck touches anything in a port a potty, let alone the lid?? and why would you close it?? Why do they even have lids? Why are the lids black?? So many questions!! So I come out with God knows what look on my face...Dave is concerned, I keep ignoring him as I head to the outdoor sink..no paper towels...I run into the trailer..also no paper towels... I remember I have tissues in my purse, Dave is still questioning if I am ok. I take the tissue and start wiping my ankles, telling him I am sure I will find it funny one day but right now it's not. He thought I was going to whip my skirt up and start taking care of a surprise visit from Flo, he was so relieved that I was just wiping my ankles. And maybe that's TMI, but I bet you always check the lid when you use a port a potty in the future!
Next up.. Rick in San Diego with the symphony. Again this version will be abbreviated (hard to believe that last one was shorter, right?). Again absolutely loved the venue. Once again corn hole game was available, as well as life size Jenga, is this a new trend or a California thing? Outdoors near the water. Gorgeous weather, got a bit chilly when the sun went down (72). Luckily I had brought a long sleeved shirt but still needed to get a hot chocolate. I wasn't sure what to expect but ended up really loving the show. Dave agreed. The first half Rick wore a suit, his pants were way too big, he kept hiking them up (no belt?). After the intermission he changed into jeans and seemed more comfortable. Some of the songs were even more awesome with a full orchestra, some you couldn't really tell and he also played some without the orchestra. My favorite part was getting to hear songs that he typically only plays in a medley, like State of the Heart. I had forgotten there would be fireworks, which I assumed would be after the show but they started with his final song, Jessie's Girl and it was really cool!!! That was significantly less info than my first draft...you're welcome!
Would I see him again? Decided to go for it and see him at the OC fair about 2 weeks later. So, duh!!
Psychedelic Furs with X and The Fixx.
This concert was at the OC Fair, we had never been so we made a day of it. It is super huge. We decided to splurge and eat fair food...yummmm funnel cake! We watched pig races, some acrobats and looked at all the farm animals. Lots of fun, though a bit warm, which was weird since it was only 80 and it was 110 back home! There was also a petting zoo right near the ampitheater, and it was the best petting zoo ever! Goats (big ones and itty bitty ones), donkeys, deer, chickens, wallabies!, llamas and baby pigs! We got a selfie with the llama that I really love!
We had debated on delaying going into the show because we figured X would be first and neither of us had a clue who that was. After hours of walking around we decided to just head in. Turns out The Fixx was first and were only given 30 minutes to play. We really enjoyed them. It quickly became apparent that the crowd was there to see X. We didn't realize it was an LA band and that explained how literally, 8000 people were on their feet for the entire time they played. Although their music isn't my cup of tea, 80's punk band, the crowd's enthusiasm was infectious. It was pretty fun to see so many people having an awesome time. They played at least an hour.
The crowd seemed to enjoy the Furs, even if not quite as much as X. The lead singer is very eclectic and fun to watch. My favorite part was listening to 8000 people sing Love My Way...and not just the chorus. He stopped the music and it was really cool to hear all of those voices together. I enjoyed the show, not realizing I knew more songs than I thought. To top the evening off we got a free ride with our concert tickets on the big wheel (not a ferris wheel, more like the Eye in London). It's normally $10 a person to ride so we thought why not avoid the line to get out of the parking lot and take a few minutes to ride, even though, again, we both had work in the morning and we still had a 2 hour drive ahead of us. It was pretty neat, but certainly not $20 neat.
Would I see any of the bands again? $30 was a good deal to see so much music but...Probably not but definitely enjoyed the whole day.
Village People...this was a very last minute concert and thankfully not terribly expensive, though in retrospect 20 bucks a ticket was way too much. The show was at a local casino (thankfully we didn't drive to see this!). We went with our friends. Touch of Honey opened, pretty sure her only hit was Boogie Oogie, which granted is a great disco song. She is a bit weird....which is ok, just stating that. She dressed in a sort of Asian costume for the first song and did some weird thing with fans. Her voice was good, and her attitude amazing. She invited anyone and everyone (the crowd was so small that our balcony seats were upgraded for free to floor seats) onstage to dance with her. I really wanted to go but no one would go with me...next time I go alone. Life is too short to not just do it! I enjoyed her show, even if her songs were a bit on the overextended side.
The Village People...now that is another story....turns out it's really the Village PERSON. Only the lead singer is an original, he's quite arrogant too. Again the songs were way too long....like 7 minutes long. Perhaps if it had been a 20 minute show of just the hits, it MAY have been more tolerable, but it was just not good. Even watching the leather dude dancing with his 6 pack abs didn't entertain me. My advice....even if it's free....SKIP IT!!
And finally....Rick Springfield, Greg Kihn, Tommy Tutone and Loverboy, at the OC Fair. ast minute decision because lots of tickets were still available and thanks to Goldstar got 2 for less than 50 bucks.
We got there early so we could get another selfie at the petting zoo (hey it was REALLY fun the first time). I got one with a rambunctious goat and one of the two of us with a donkey. Absolutely loved their petting zoo!!
The show started with Tommy Tutone. I only knew 867-5309, but his other songs weren't bad, he only did 2 other originals and a cover. 20 minute set is perfect for a one hit wonder. After he was done we spotted him walking around near our section (everyone else was oblivious..I would have been too if Dave hadn't pointed him out).
Next up Greg Kihn, he came off as very personable. Sang the 2 songs I know (Jeopardy and The Breakup song) another catchy song and a new song, which was actually pretty good. He made a joke about still getting checks in the mail thanks to Weird Al. Another short set, that's the way it should be when you didn't "make it big". (Just remembering how much better the Village People would have been if their songs weren't 7 minute versions and they stuck to the big hits!).
Loverboy. We saw them at The Greek Theater with Rick a couple years ago. Very energetic show, and since the tunes were a little familiar from hearing them before, I guess I enjoyed it a bit more. The music is a little heavier, less pop than I like but I enjoyed it. Got some good video of an old dude in the crowd dancing up a storm! People watching is still the best part of a lot of these concerts! See them again? I think once was enough but I wouldn't skip a Rick show just to avoid seeing them a third time.
Rick --- his band was the back up band for the first two bands but it didn't affect (or is that effect?-stupid english language!) their energy for this show. Siggy (the guitar player) has soooo much energy and somehow Rick not only keeps up with him but surpasses him....at SIXTY NINE!! I really enjoy their onstage antics!
I didn't mention it but at the symphony show he was already talking about his birthday which is still almost 2 weeks away as I write this (8/23) and he prompted us to sing Happy Birthday to him....same thing this show. It is always funny to hear the comments from people around us when they hear how old he is. This particular show he ended up unbuttoning his shirt because supposedly he was cold because it had gotten so wet with sweat...the gasps were audible ...his abs are amazing...at SIXTY NINE!! Then he took the shirt off to put a new one on before he headed off stage and into the crowd. Damn he looks good. His energy level is still so insane. This isn't a crazy fan talking...everyone says it...how is he 69?? Needless to say, it was an awesome show as always! I do wish he'd leave the "Bruce" song out of his medley...it may have been funny in the 80's but it isn't a good song and it isn't funny anymore....**gasp** did I just say something critical about my Ricky?? Would I see him again? Really?? Do you need to ask?
We did skip the free ride on the wheel...it seemed like a once was enough type of thing!
Thanks for reading such a long post. It was really fun seeing so many concerts, we actually searched other fairs in the area to see if anyone else we might like to see is playing, but nothing so far!
Hope you like our selfies as much as I did!!
With all that has gone on I have a "who gives a fuck" attitude towards money (on most days--I do still have my occasional "Oh shit where is all the money going" days).
This has led to doing things I may normally not have done.
For instance: $200 to see Train. I typically hate spending more than 50 bucks a seat on a concert (with the exception of Rick Springfield of course!!)
I wanted to see Duran Duran and was too cheap to buy the shitty seats at over 100 a ticket. And I regret it. So I am trying to just suck it up and just do things I want to do.
The Train tickets were for decent seats at a venue that doesn't get great reviews but I decided at the last minute that if seats were still available ...well then I was going!
The DJ had really hyped Patrick Monahan's voice...maybe it was the venue but I wasn't overly impressed. They sounded good but not omg good. Overall I really enjoyed the show (although I am not sure I would go to that venue again...horrible bleacher seats and there was an echoey sound). My disappointment came with the length of the show. It wasn't even 90 minutes. He made a comment about his age and not doing the silly "leave the stage and come back out thing" and just did the encore with the set. Fine, I can live with that. But I guess I can't help compare every show to a Rick show and this dude is a year younger than me...and a full 21 years younger than Rick....c'mon! Rick gives his all and I felt this guy kinda phoned it in. His energy wasn't half of what Rick's is and then he cuts the show short by 10 minutes?? wtf! I guess he could have been not feeling well so I should cut him some slack, it's just this was the most expensive show I had planned, so I wanted my money's worth. See them again? nah...only if it was free.
Next up we got free tickets to see Daughtry. Free SECOND row tickets. Now I don't really know a lot of his songs...I could only think of 2 before we got there. But that didn't matter. The energy from being in the second row and from seeing a guy who loved his fans and loved performing more than made up for that. He did leave the stage a lot, which was somewhat distracting and a little odd. He wasn't gone long, not even long enough to pee, so who knows what that was about. So overall I'd say I enjoyed this show as much as Train, even though I LOVE Train's music and Daughtry's genre isn't really my thing. See him again? Free? Absolutely!
That reminds me we also got free tickets to see the Gin Blossoms a few months back. It wasn't an overly memorable concert and the singer's voice kinda gets repetitive...like his songs all sound really similar. I mean everyone has "their" sound. We both just commented that the sound of his voice was almost becoming grating...well not quite grating. We just didn't want to hear it anymore. It was an outdoor concert and our seats were also pretty good, so bonus points for both of those things. Would I see them again? Sure if it was free.
That brings me to another shorter (20 mins) free really small outdoor venue we went to about a month ago. Andy Grammer. I had no idea who that was. Saw it advertised on a fb group and there was a video clip and I recognized the songs so why not? It was great! He played acoustically and his voice is amazing. It was like watching a street performer, that's how small the area was. He only sang his hits.. he has a few (4?) and one new song which was also catchy. He came across as very sweet and genuine. Truly enjoyed performing this way because that's how he started. I would definitely love to see him in concert with a full band and I'd even pay for it! ;)
(In case your wondering he sings Fine By Me, Honey I'm Good, Good To Be Alive and Keep your Head Up) If you listen at all to pop radio, you will know all of those songs.
Time for a break, can't put this up today anyway because I haven't seen all of the concerts I have tickets for yet. Still to come -- Counting Crows, Rick with symphony, Psychedelic Furs and Village People.
So I kept this page open on my computer to just keep typing as the shows happened...and guess what?? it wasn't autosaving! Now I get to do those 3 concerts again...I also have added another concert since then but luckily for some reason thought that might not have saved so I had copied/pasted that one. These new versions may be slightly shorter as I am now a little pissed to have to do them again!! :(
Here I go again....
Counting Crows. They were scheduled to play with Live, but there was also another opening band from Wisconsin (can't remember their name). I had written a lengthy review about this one because the whole day just sucked, but now you will get a slightly abbreviated version (lucky you!). I had hurt my back and it was only just starting to feel good enough to even attempt the nearly 2 hour drive to the concert, let alone sitting for a few hours. The only comfortable position was laying down or walking. The annoyance began by discovering California has toll roads, I had googled a route and didn't notice it mentioned it was a toll road. $8.25 to save about 10 minutes. So much for this being a cheap show (was $35 for both seats). Needless to say we took the other route back home. The tickets said the show started at 6:30, so we got there around 5:30, had ate dinner that we had packed and headed in. The venue was brand new and pretty cool. There was a big lawn where booths were set up for food and booze. There was also a bunch of corn hole games set up. Very fun atmosphere. The beer was ridiculous (I had written the price but can't remember exactly now...like $17 for a 29 oz beer). We headed to our seats at 6:30, only to discover the unknown band was starting...they sucked, my back hurt sitting so we headed back out to the lawn, you could still hear from there and it was more comfortable. Dave had heard of the band Live, he said they were good, even though he only knew one song. Finally around 9:30 The Counting Crows started. Keep in mind, we both have to work the next day, it has already been a long day and we still have a long ride home. I had been wanting to see them for years but always avoided going because of the cost and being afraid that since I really only liked August and Everything After that I may not enjoy the show. That's why this seemed perfect....cheap tickets so disappointment would be less. However, with my sore back and the long day I had a lot invested now and I needed it to be a good show.....sadly it wasn't.
This was their 25th anniversary tour and he started the show by saying he wanted to do something special. He was going to give background on some songs. This got me excited, I love Rick's acoustic show with background info. Maybe I should have known better since their music is so somber but the background stuff was a tad depressing. Maybe it was part of his show or he was really depressed but I actually told Dave I wouldn't be surprised to hear he killed himself the next day because he was so depressing to watch. Telling the stories he would pace or sit on speaker, raking his fingers through his hair and taking his glasses off to wipe his eyes, then holding his face in his hands. Super theatrical? or really depressed? The worst was the background on a song called Miami. I looked up the lyrics afterwards so I could put them here .but I guess he was just talking before it started, it sounded so beautiful, I thought it was part of the song...I knew when he started the story it wouldn't end well for me, I could tell it was going to be about breaking up. He said something along the lines of making a mistake and wishing you could just go back and take all of the hurt away...luckily our row was pretty empty because I let out a huge sob , uncontrollable and couldn't help but cry. Dave put his arms around me. It was just too close to what he's said, how I have felt..a million times since last October. If it was just that I could still say the concert was good, my history isn't his fault. But literally every song from the August album was screwed up. He changed lyrics, He changed rhythm. It was really annoying. Dave pointed out that he may have changed the other songs too because I thought it might be a big fuck you to fans who weren't "true fans" just August fans. But I knew at least 2 of the other songs and they were sung right.
In case you are wondering what I mean...he changed the lyrics "we talk like lions but sacrifice like lambs" into something about kittens and puppies! And he added wham bam thank you maam get your money back at the door...or something hokey like that to the chorus of Omaha. Mr. Jones was really changed up rhythmically, and so was Rain King. Maybe I am the only one but I go to a concert to hear my favorite songs, sing to them, dance to them....the way I am used to hearing them! Is it too much to ask to play them right?
Well I think I wrote that better the first time, but not much I can do about that...stupid computers.
Would I see them again? that is a strong FUCK NO!
Oh...how could I forget...the icing on this long ass night was after the show I went to use the bathrooms. They had nice air conditioned trailers with about 4 stalls in them but the lines were long so I decided to just use the port a potty (I had used one earlier and it was really clean because no one was using them). So it's nearly 11 pm, very dark and the potties aren't near the lights. I squat and feel some spray on my legs, I assume I am not back far enough (remember my back hurts, squatting can be tough) and scoot back a little. I finish my business and go to throw the toilet paper in the hole. Only there is no hole...apparently port a potties have lids...BLACK lids...and some moron shut the lid...who the fuck touches anything in a port a potty, let alone the lid?? and why would you close it?? Why do they even have lids? Why are the lids black?? So many questions!! So I come out with God knows what look on my face...Dave is concerned, I keep ignoring him as I head to the outdoor sink..no paper towels...I run into the trailer..also no paper towels... I remember I have tissues in my purse, Dave is still questioning if I am ok. I take the tissue and start wiping my ankles, telling him I am sure I will find it funny one day but right now it's not. He thought I was going to whip my skirt up and start taking care of a surprise visit from Flo, he was so relieved that I was just wiping my ankles. And maybe that's TMI, but I bet you always check the lid when you use a port a potty in the future!
Next up.. Rick in San Diego with the symphony. Again this version will be abbreviated (hard to believe that last one was shorter, right?). Again absolutely loved the venue. Once again corn hole game was available, as well as life size Jenga, is this a new trend or a California thing? Outdoors near the water. Gorgeous weather, got a bit chilly when the sun went down (72). Luckily I had brought a long sleeved shirt but still needed to get a hot chocolate. I wasn't sure what to expect but ended up really loving the show. Dave agreed. The first half Rick wore a suit, his pants were way too big, he kept hiking them up (no belt?). After the intermission he changed into jeans and seemed more comfortable. Some of the songs were even more awesome with a full orchestra, some you couldn't really tell and he also played some without the orchestra. My favorite part was getting to hear songs that he typically only plays in a medley, like State of the Heart. I had forgotten there would be fireworks, which I assumed would be after the show but they started with his final song, Jessie's Girl and it was really cool!!! That was significantly less info than my first draft...you're welcome!
Would I see him again? Decided to go for it and see him at the OC fair about 2 weeks later. So, duh!!
Psychedelic Furs with X and The Fixx.
This concert was at the OC Fair, we had never been so we made a day of it. It is super huge. We decided to splurge and eat fair food...yummmm funnel cake! We watched pig races, some acrobats and looked at all the farm animals. Lots of fun, though a bit warm, which was weird since it was only 80 and it was 110 back home! There was also a petting zoo right near the ampitheater, and it was the best petting zoo ever! Goats (big ones and itty bitty ones), donkeys, deer, chickens, wallabies!, llamas and baby pigs! We got a selfie with the llama that I really love!
We had debated on delaying going into the show because we figured X would be first and neither of us had a clue who that was. After hours of walking around we decided to just head in. Turns out The Fixx was first and were only given 30 minutes to play. We really enjoyed them. It quickly became apparent that the crowd was there to see X. We didn't realize it was an LA band and that explained how literally, 8000 people were on their feet for the entire time they played. Although their music isn't my cup of tea, 80's punk band, the crowd's enthusiasm was infectious. It was pretty fun to see so many people having an awesome time. They played at least an hour.
The crowd seemed to enjoy the Furs, even if not quite as much as X. The lead singer is very eclectic and fun to watch. My favorite part was listening to 8000 people sing Love My Way...and not just the chorus. He stopped the music and it was really cool to hear all of those voices together. I enjoyed the show, not realizing I knew more songs than I thought. To top the evening off we got a free ride with our concert tickets on the big wheel (not a ferris wheel, more like the Eye in London). It's normally $10 a person to ride so we thought why not avoid the line to get out of the parking lot and take a few minutes to ride, even though, again, we both had work in the morning and we still had a 2 hour drive ahead of us. It was pretty neat, but certainly not $20 neat.
Would I see any of the bands again? $30 was a good deal to see so much music but...Probably not but definitely enjoyed the whole day.
Village People...this was a very last minute concert and thankfully not terribly expensive, though in retrospect 20 bucks a ticket was way too much. The show was at a local casino (thankfully we didn't drive to see this!). We went with our friends. Touch of Honey opened, pretty sure her only hit was Boogie Oogie, which granted is a great disco song. She is a bit weird....which is ok, just stating that. She dressed in a sort of Asian costume for the first song and did some weird thing with fans. Her voice was good, and her attitude amazing. She invited anyone and everyone (the crowd was so small that our balcony seats were upgraded for free to floor seats) onstage to dance with her. I really wanted to go but no one would go with me...next time I go alone. Life is too short to not just do it! I enjoyed her show, even if her songs were a bit on the overextended side.
The Village People...now that is another story....turns out it's really the Village PERSON. Only the lead singer is an original, he's quite arrogant too. Again the songs were way too long....like 7 minutes long. Perhaps if it had been a 20 minute show of just the hits, it MAY have been more tolerable, but it was just not good. Even watching the leather dude dancing with his 6 pack abs didn't entertain me. My advice....even if it's free....SKIP IT!!
And finally....Rick Springfield, Greg Kihn, Tommy Tutone and Loverboy, at the OC Fair. ast minute decision because lots of tickets were still available and thanks to Goldstar got 2 for less than 50 bucks.
We got there early so we could get another selfie at the petting zoo (hey it was REALLY fun the first time). I got one with a rambunctious goat and one of the two of us with a donkey. Absolutely loved their petting zoo!!
The show started with Tommy Tutone. I only knew 867-5309, but his other songs weren't bad, he only did 2 other originals and a cover. 20 minute set is perfect for a one hit wonder. After he was done we spotted him walking around near our section (everyone else was oblivious..I would have been too if Dave hadn't pointed him out).
Next up Greg Kihn, he came off as very personable. Sang the 2 songs I know (Jeopardy and The Breakup song) another catchy song and a new song, which was actually pretty good. He made a joke about still getting checks in the mail thanks to Weird Al. Another short set, that's the way it should be when you didn't "make it big". (Just remembering how much better the Village People would have been if their songs weren't 7 minute versions and they stuck to the big hits!).
Loverboy. We saw them at The Greek Theater with Rick a couple years ago. Very energetic show, and since the tunes were a little familiar from hearing them before, I guess I enjoyed it a bit more. The music is a little heavier, less pop than I like but I enjoyed it. Got some good video of an old dude in the crowd dancing up a storm! People watching is still the best part of a lot of these concerts! See them again? I think once was enough but I wouldn't skip a Rick show just to avoid seeing them a third time.
Rick --- his band was the back up band for the first two bands but it didn't affect (or is that effect?-stupid english language!) their energy for this show. Siggy (the guitar player) has soooo much energy and somehow Rick not only keeps up with him but surpasses him....at SIXTY NINE!! I really enjoy their onstage antics!
I didn't mention it but at the symphony show he was already talking about his birthday which is still almost 2 weeks away as I write this (8/23) and he prompted us to sing Happy Birthday to him....same thing this show. It is always funny to hear the comments from people around us when they hear how old he is. This particular show he ended up unbuttoning his shirt because supposedly he was cold because it had gotten so wet with sweat...the gasps were audible ...his abs are amazing...at SIXTY NINE!! Then he took the shirt off to put a new one on before he headed off stage and into the crowd. Damn he looks good. His energy level is still so insane. This isn't a crazy fan talking...everyone says it...how is he 69?? Needless to say, it was an awesome show as always! I do wish he'd leave the "Bruce" song out of his medley...it may have been funny in the 80's but it isn't a good song and it isn't funny anymore....**gasp** did I just say something critical about my Ricky?? Would I see him again? Really?? Do you need to ask?
We did skip the free ride on the wheel...it seemed like a once was enough type of thing!
Thanks for reading such a long post. It was really fun seeing so many concerts, we actually searched other fairs in the area to see if anyone else we might like to see is playing, but nothing so far!
Hope you like our selfies as much as I did!!
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